Getting used to dementia

[bonniedog]

Hello All
I've just found this wonderful site and it's so nice that I'm not alone. My mum has some sort of dementia we haven't had an actual diagnosis but something is obviously wrong. She has been living with us for 5 months now and my partner is her fulltime carer as she can't look after herself. My problem is because my mum is an alcoholic although not drinking now, I have awful memories of my childhood and how she treated my poor dad and I'm finding it very hard to not be bitter. People say that she can't help it which I know is true and I'm really trying to be patient and kind, but the constant repetitive questions and her following me everywhere, I feel like I could scream at her sometimes ( a glass of wine usually helps!) I'm so glad I work as at least I can escape for a few hours each day. How do other people cope when it's all day every day. Love to you all x

 

[hiedicat]

Hello All
I've just found this wonderful site and it's so nice that I'm not alone. My mum has some sort of dementia we haven't had an actual diagnosis but something is obviously wrong. She has been living with us for 5 months now and my partner is her fulltime carer as she can't look after herself. My problem is because my mum is an alcoholic although not drinking now, I have awful memories of my childhood and how she treated my poor dad and I'm finding it very hard to not be bitter. People say that she can't help it which I know is true and I'm really trying to be patient and kind, but the constant repetitive questions and her following me everywhere, I feel like I could scream at her sometimes ( a glass of wine usually helps!) I'm so glad I work as at least I can escape for a few hours each day. How do other people cope when it's all day every day. Love to you all x

Welcome to the site, it is extremely difficult to deal with being a carer and you have to find techniques that work for you like replying whilst not really thinking about it but being on automatic pilot . I hope you have carer support or day care which can be arranged through your local social services. Most of all take care of yourself and your partner by getting regular breaks if possible, it is a stressful situation x

 

[SANDIE53]

Hi bonniedog

I too have just found this site. It makes interesting reading.

My mum is in the last stages of alzheimers. My dad has been her main carer for over three years, on his own with a lot of help from me. So, just the two of us doing everything and she is also double incontinent so it's been a very tough few years. For the last few months however (after forcing dad to agree) she had a carer every morning. Now, after a stay in hospital in September, she has two Carers four times a day.

I know exactly how you feel, especially as most people with alzheimers repeat themselves many times. My mum can hardly talk now and oh how I wish she could. It is a very cruel disease and you have to make the most of every moment.

However, you must also take care of yourselves. Please don't feel guilty about any negative feelings you might have - we all have them! Take time out and accept help from anyone who offers and know that when you do need the Carers in you will find them to be a godsend - I do.

 

[1954]

Welcome Bonniedog

It is hard. My hubby has no happy memories of his childhood with his mother. He feels nothing/no feelings for her. We have since found out that MIL's partner sexually abused hubbies sisters. He finds it extremely difficult with her living with us. BUT she is his mother and he acts like he has feelings and wants the best for her. He is fully aware that having her live with us is the best option for his mother. He too goes out to work as he could not be the main a carer. He would end up with mental problems I think if he was with her all the time like I am

So my heart goes out to you. Please look after yourselves

 

[bonniedog]

Thanks for replies folks. I know we are all going through similar things caring for someone with dementia. I'm having good days and bad days. My mum follows me everywhere, I have no personal space anymore and she's so very nosy if one of us speaks she wants to know what we say all the time. If she hears a noise she's off to investigate and she just will not sit down she's up and down like a yoyo. Like I said before I'm struggling to have feelings for her knowing how cruel and horrid she was to my dad in his fight with cancer which he sadly lost 16 years ago. I also have the feeling she never wanted children ( I'm an only child) and she was very jealous of me and dad being so close. Her being an alcoholic made us close as we tried to live with her vile temper tantrums and support each other. I'm hoping now she's ill I will let go of the past and accept things the way they are.
Love to you all x