Getting Elderly Parents to accept the situation and help

Discussion in 'Recently diagnosed and early stages of dementia' started by Bergkamp, Dec 10, 2019.

  1. Bergkamp

    Bergkamp New member

    Dec 10, 2019
    My Mother was diagnosed with early stages of Alzheimer's early 2019 . She is 77 and my Dad is 87 currently in good health .I have many worries;;;
    - What would happen to my mum should anything happen to my Dad ? He runs around like a 50 year old. He is stubborn and from that generation where he wont accept help. I suggest a cleaner and he wont even think about it.
    - Worried about my Mum retreating into social exclusion . She never seems to go out and i do wonder what she does all day . Dad suggests things to her involving others and on the day she almost always doesn't feel well. Is that some nervous acceptance of being around others ? If so what do i do - how can i get her out . She is 100% not a sitting down at a social club type of lady.
    - My Mum cant remember she has the illness .Her short term memory is going .What can i expect ?
    - How do i get Dad to accept help and realise he cant do it all himself ? He thinks he can cope but he wont be able to forever.
    - Any suggestions on placing something in her handbag should she get lost ? note cards or some form of tracker ?
    Shes a wonderful wonderful mother and it breaks my heart seeing her like this.
    Thanks in advance
  2. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Volunteer Host

    Apr 1, 2016
    Welcome to Dementia Talking Point @Bergkamp

    What you describe with your parents is very common and unfortunately it often takes a crisis to force acceptance of help onto someone who is very resistant.
    I imagine you've spoken to your dad about what would happen if he got ill with flu for example and how it would be easier for your mum to accept help from someone who already knew than have a complete stranger have to take over.
    This didn't work for me as dad always said he was fine cos I'd help him :rolleyes:...

    My dad eventually accepted a helper who I introduced as someone who needed a little job to make ends meet and they helped with cleaning, laundry and gardening. She started by going twice a week for an hour at a time and once dad got comfortable with her being there her hours were gradually increased.

    If your mum uses a smartphone that could help you keep track of her and the Alzheimer's society have an ID card which are free to order for people with dementia. I registered my dad with the local police as a a vulnerable adult so when he got lost, as long as he remembered his name, they had his address on file and could get him safely home.
  3. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    Welcome to the forum DTP @Bergkamp. I hope you find supportive answers to your concerns.

    These ID cards are available.

    I had a pet tag engraved with a contact phone number, my husband`s name and the fact he was diabetic and had dementia. I put it on his key ring.

    You will also be able to find out what support is available in your area here.

    The biggest obstacle is getting your patents to accept support but if you have information to hand it may help when the time comes.
  4. nitram

    nitram Registered User

    Apr 6, 2011
    North Manchester

    There is the Dementia Buddy Guardian Angle Device available as a wristband, key ring, badge , or bag tag.

    1) Hold the back of your NFC enabled phone flat over the Guardian Angel device and the person’s first name & emergency contact number will be displayed.

    2) Just click on the telephone number to speak to their loved one to get them home safe and sound.

    The emergency services will recognise the symbol on the device, as will several members of the public

    A device cost £5 although in some LA's a charity subsidises or meets the full cost , on ordering any discount will automatically be applied.

    Most smartphones are NFC (near field communication) capable.

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