Future Worries

[Chriswag]

Hello everyone. I am a first timer on TP. I'm an only child looking after my Mum and Dad, Mum has mixed dementia and is deterioating. Dad is her main carer and thinks he can cope with Mum at the moment but apart from me has no one else involved in her care. I am pressing for a POA for both of them, but not sure if Mum has the capacity to understand. If we don't have a POA for Mum and Dad dies first, what's the the worst that can happen? what situations have members experienced?

 

[Hill Man]

Depends as well on how complex your parents finances are. The first symptoms of my dads dementia was an inability to do simple financial stuff: paying bills, transferring money, remembering his pin. Recognizing this he transferred all the control of his on-line banking accounts to me and I would administer them as him, getting his signature on things when it was occasionally needed. This gave us time to set up and later register a PoA.

Although you might think this controversial, it might be worth while explaining the situation to your mum and seeing whether she can sign the PoA - technically the test would be whether the donor has sufficient understanding at that precise moment - Given that there are safeguards to the system - your mums GP will be informed that you wish to register the PoA and will raise the alarm if they feel your mum is vulnerable to exploitation I think that's ethical

 

[Trisha4]

It would be helpful if you could get LPA in place for both your parents. Also has Dad sorted out attendance allowance and subsequent council tax reduction? I got a lot of helpful advice from Alzheimer's society when my husband was diagnosed.


Sent from my iPad using Talking Point

 

[memyselfandi]

Financial and Medical POA

Hello everyone. I am a first timer on TP. I'm an only child looking after my Mum and Dad, Mum has mixed dementia and is deterioating. Dad is her main carer and thinks he can cope with Mum at the moment but apart from me has no one else involved in her care. I am pressing for a POA for both of them, but not sure if Mum has the capacity to understand. If we don't have a POA for Mum and Dad dies first, what's the the worst that can happen? what situations have members experienced?

It's really important to get both a Financial POA in addition to a Medical POA as your parents age. An good Elder Atty can help you with the POA for Financial and your parents can sign the forms if they're able. Going to an Elder Atty for a consultation will help you choose the right one that can explain things in easy to understand terms to your family. If you're not comfortable with one, choose another for a consultation until you find one you're comfortable with. Some will take your families case for a set price (which is what you want); while others may charge by the hour.

My parent's original attorney that helped them write their Will years ago charged him an exorbitant fee for a half hours time writing his Financial POA. I wasn't comfortable with him at all and found him arrogant and rude. I finally shopped around and found a wonderful and kind attorney that not only took my dad's case for $200; but she also explained everything to my dad in terms he could understand. Being that their Will was very old, she helped us write a new one that was included in the price.

Another good idea is to have your name put on your parent's checking account as POA should something happen to either of our parents. This way you will be able to write checks for them regarding bills, etc. You will also be able to deposit and sign checks for them to deposit. In addition, you should also go to your parent's banking institution and had a POD put on their account (payable upon death), as if something should happen to both of your parents, whatever is left in their account, you will still be able to withdraw when showing a death certificate. If you don't have this, the money left in their account may go to the government since a Financial POA is no longer good when your parents pass.

Again, an Elder Attorney should be able to help you with all of this and explain in further detail.

In addition, having a Medical Power of Attorney is important for you to get information about your parent's health care. Without it, you won't be able to sign anything for your parents, nor get any medical information regarding your parent's health care. If and when your parents can't make any more decisions on their own regarding their care, their physician will need to sign the Medical Power of Attorney so that it's ACTIVATED. This will give you, as Medical POA the ability to make medical decisions for them. Without this, many times it's up to the physician as to the best care for your parents.

An Elder Attorney can explain all this to you also.

Again, I hope this has helped as I went through all of this with my parents. Very glad we started early as everything was handled when my dad was left alone after my mom passed away from cancer. We also paid for all of my dad's funeral expenses early, and according to his wishes with a Funeral Trust.

I know this is all something that is very difficult to think about as nobody wants to even imagine being without their parents. However, it will be something you won't have to worry about later.

Again, I hope this all helped some. God Bless.

 

[nicoise]

Memyselfandi: you should also go to your parent's banking institution and had a POD put on their account (payable upon death), as if something should happen to both of your parents, whatever is left in their account, you will still be able to withdraw when showing a death certificate. If you don't have this, the money left in their account may go to the government since a Financial POA is no longer good when your parents pass.

Unfortunately, it is different here in the UK (I am guessing you are from the US?) and this "POD" doesn't exist here - here the deceased's bank accounts are frozen on death and the contents form part of the estate; luckily they aren't taken by the government!