1. Aloysius

    Aloysius Registered User

    Aug 19, 2014
    23
    Just here to ask for cyber hugs as Mum due to start a respite fortnight tomorrow.If you read my last message, I was feeling desperate because my mum's dementia had been made so much worse with a uti. Well, that's over but her dementia seems worse. She's three hours away with no other family support and she's been ringing 111 a lot. (Again last night;got a bewildered message from a GP at 1am who obviously didn't know what was going on.) This afternoon her housing association rang to say she'd reported to them that men keep blocking up her toilet. Which men?!

    Anyway I'm full of trepidation because she said to me ," I'd be overjoyed if the respite was called off" Gulp! What if she refuses to go? She's unable to care for herself at all (although she asserts that she can, of course) and she's suffering every day from delusions which make her think someone's getting in and threatening/ playing tricks on her.

    Oh Lord! Don't ask me what'll happen AFTER the fortnight: I just hope she will agree to go tomorrow!

    Aloysius :confused:
     
  2. Sue J

    Sue J Registered User

    Dec 9, 2009
    8,035
    Good vibes Aloysius that your Mum WILL go to respite tomorrow and that the care she receives will make her want to stay.

    Best wishes
    Sue:)
     
  3. Amy in the US

    Amy in the US Registered User

    Feb 28, 2015
    4,619
    USA
    #3 Amy in the US, Jan 10, 2016
    Last edited: Jan 10, 2016
    Aloysius, sorry to hear of your (perfectly understandable) concerns and trepidation. I, too, hope that your mother is persuaded to go to respite (maybe her doctor has ordered it, or it's necessary because some work has to be done on the house, if you know what I mean?) and that it all goes as well as possible.

    I know about those delusions and they can be awful, just dreadful in their impact for everyone.

    From what I understand, the UTIs can be horribly behaviour changing. It might be worth it to have the respite location keep an eye out, as they can be difficult to clear and can recur.

    I don't have a crystal ball to tell you how the respite period will go and what will or won't happen afterwards. Maybe there will be a bit of information, or some insight, that you gain while your Mum is in respite that will make the way forward just a bit clearer. From your other post, it's clear that your mother is not coping at home, certainly is suffering from terrible delusions and is stressed/anxious/upset by them, and quite possibly isn't safe.

    Many of us are reluctant to make the move to a care home and I am not going to tell you what to do, but if you could just consider being open to the idea that a care home could be okay, it might make things easier on you, if that situation ever occurs, of course. If I, upon learning it was time for a care home placement, had already been here on TP and had one person say to me, "the care home could be okay," it would have been just a bit easier. So, I would like to be the person to say to you, that it could be okay. It's honestly made all the difference in the world, for my mother (and I wouldn't have believed it were possible, if I hadn't seen it happen).

    Best wishes to you. If you get a chance and are so inclined, please do let us know how you get on.
     
  4. Quilty

    Quilty Registered User

    Aug 28, 2014
    1,051
    GLASGOW
    Ask the resoute centre for honest feedback as sometimes you need someone else to confirm just how bad it is. My mums socual worker helped set it straight for me. If you ask - is she safe alone ? - and the answer is no then you need to look for care either at home or 24hrs. They can help you decide. Hard times and big hug. Use respite to get a rest. Let others look after her.
     
  5. Quilty

    Quilty Registered User

    Aug 28, 2014
    1,051
    GLASGOW
    Just to also let you know i had sleepless nights about how and when my mum would go into care. In the end ut was easy and she is happier and healthier now than she has been in 2 years. I CAN work. Some care homes are good places.
     
  6. Aloysius

    Aloysius Registered User

    Aug 19, 2014
    23
    Thanks, Sue; I hope your positive vibes carry!:eek: x
     
  7. Aloysius

    Aloysius Registered User

    Aug 19, 2014
    23
    Thanks so much, Amy. I have read of your experiences and saw that for your mum eventually, a care home made it possible for her to have some quality of life.It's what I want for mine-in spite of the devastating illness.

    A x
     
  8. Aloysius

    Aloysius Registered User

    Aug 19, 2014
    23
    Thanks, Quilty. I know that you went through the mill and it helps to know that there can be light the other side. I have everything crossed for tomorrow! :) Aloysius x
     
  9. Amy in the US

    Amy in the US Registered User

    Feb 28, 2015
    4,619
    USA
    Aloysius, thanks for your thanks (that sounds stupid, but you know what I mean, I hope). The care home has, in fact, worked out well for my mother and while I in no way am trying to pressure or influence you, sometimes it becomes an option, or is necessary, even if only for respite/rehabilitation, so it's best to think about it before you have to, if that makes sense. (I don't think I could have worked another clause into that sentence if I'd tried! Sorry for the bad syntax, a bit tired here.)

    I do hope the respite is as good as possible and allows, whatever needs to happen afterwards, to happen. I am definitely sending good thoughts for you.

    Please take care.
     

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