1. Expert Q&A: Benefits - Weds 23 October, 3-4pm

    Our next expert Q&A will be on the topic of benefits. It will be hosted by Lauren from our Knowledge Services team. She'll be answering your questions on Wednesday 23 October between 3-4pm.

    You can either post your question >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.

  1. onewills

    onewills Registered User

    Aug 21, 2014
    11
    south london
    Hi
    (Have posted before but still im new to this)
    My nan GP has told me that dementia has set in the only reason I can think of him coming to this conclusion is an MRI scan she had in hospital for delirium which showed she had had a mini stroke apart from that he has done no test on my nan just referred us to the memory clinic and then he said that's for a diagnosis..and of course I have been given no information on dementia or how to deal with little problems that come up.as you do I have spent hours on the internet researching...
    Some day's I go and see my nan (I see her everyday) I question does she have dementia as she is so bright an on the ball OK she is not how she used to be but she is 91,other day's I visit you can see the forgetfulness, confusion and just plain muddled. I am just so confused im in limbo with no one to talk to we are still waiting for the memory clinic appointment.
    I have noticed the last couple of day's my nan is very cross not so much angry at the career that goes in the usual lady has gone on holiday so its a new lady she has phoned me demanding that I pick her up and take her home as she has had enough of them,I have told her she is home, now she is demanding that I stop the careers altogether she has no understanding there their to help her and me I can't cope on my own I'm a very lucky lady I don't work my partner support's me and our daughter, but we have always said once daughter goes to secondary school I would go back to work,there is no way I could go back now but unfortunately my partner can't see this like everyone else his no fan of my nan.can anyone give me any tips on dealing with the frustration coming from my nan I just seem to take anything she says personally I know I shouldn't
    Many thanks
     
  2. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,597
    Kent
    Hello onewills

    If you could just agree with almost everything your nan says , it might ease her agitation. I know it`s not easy, especially if she is cross with you. Perhaps the following link will help you.

    http://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/show...ionate-Communication-with-the-Memory-Impaired

    You are not expected to be able to follow this completely but reading it does help us understand the difficulties people with dementia often face.
     
  3. onewills

    onewills Registered User

    Aug 21, 2014
    11
    south london
    Grannie g
    Thank you for your reply i will be using this on a daily basis an defiantly getting my partner to read this his not the most compassionate man but he is a loving man half my battle is him not understanding or wanting to (as it's my nan and when she had delirium she said some awfull things to me that he can't forgive no matter how much i try to explain to him )
    Thank you again
     
  4. the gray dog

    the gray dog Registered User

    Sep 7, 2014
    5
    merthyr tydfil
    from what you say your nan pos has a small problem but at her age that's how it is you are doing a fantastic job it cant be easy for you both.I am 70 odd and I get a bit frustrated when they give me new people to look after my wife ,its not the best life for us is it,all we can do is go on. try a hobby that works and find old pictures the old relate back to the past easier your nan finds it frustrating that she is in the situation she is in as well as you.your husband finds it hard to understand what is going on he is in work .Your nan cant help saying things a person in her situation will have a go at the ones she loves .With age you get wisdom they say so try some of the little things like photos and a hobby I used this on my wife.I know you think you are on your own doing this I have the same problem but we are not realy,it all builds up inside . ps I am not very good on the computer yet finding it hard getting around the site hope this helps you.
     
  5. onewills

    onewills Registered User

    Aug 21, 2014
    11
    south london
    The grey dog
    Thank you so much just having someone reply is a blessing.. I to am not to great at the whole computer thing.... My nan doesn't have old photos she has always been quite a cold person (losing her son and only child my dad at a very young age,I feel made the harsh coldness worse I have always understood this but I'm the only one that does)I have the most respect for elders which is probably why I'm taking this personally.. Reading on TP I can see people struggling an I know my situation is not unique I don't feel so alone.
    I would love to get her into a hobby her eyesight is bad and her hands are full of arthritis so there not to much to do for her.
    Yes my partner is at work and his really not interested yet I know and there has been times I have called him and his come straight home to help me..its just in the dark times there seems to be no light that's when you know your strength
    Thank you again for your time you to are doing a fantastic job.
     
  6. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    5,861
    Female
    Scotland
    In your area there will be groups run by the Alz Society and this is a great way to keep her occupied and to let you meet new people who understand the problem and can give you tips and support. Singing groups are great (don't worry if she can't sing because they are a lot of fun) and memory cafés are good.

    I would suggest you try to get a part time job as being with someone with dementia all if the time is very wearing. That way you will keep both your loved ones happy.
     

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