From a care home to a nursing home..

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by Sabato, Nov 2, 2006.

  1. Sabato

    Sabato Registered User

    Jan 18, 2006
    Hi there,

    In less than a year at a lovely care home, she now is double incontinent and has lost the ability to walk or be able to act on commands to move her feet etc .
    The doctor visited the home after she had a few TIA. Just waiting for a CPN nurse to assess Mum & then it goes to panel to decide the level of care either a nursing or an EMI nursing home.

    There is 3 EMI nursing homes in the area, which will take her to in her wheelchair to see if she likes them. I live abroad so can't see her every day to assess how she is, rely of the care home for info.

    She has an older sister (80)who tries to go every Sat. her sister-in-law (83) gets 2 buses to visit plus her other friends.

    Do I choose a local one, near her GP & excellent Social worker or go further afield to the coast (20miles away) or in grounds that they can take her out. She doesn't go anywhere now. I took her in the wheelchair in Sept before that my sister did in May, she lives in Australia.

    Where will she be happy? I'll ask her, the carers said she will say anywhere.
    It still matters that she will be ok.

    Sometimes I feel I'm not getting all the facts or maybe I should know more what to expect.

    Any suggestions are most welcome as it's so comforting to know that others are in the same position & are feeling all the heartache & pain & joy.

    A problem shared is a problem halved - how true.

    Regards, Sabato
  2. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    Well, I can tell you what I did, although it's not absolutely similar. When I was looking for a care facility for my mother, it was very important to her that she have her own bathroom, and important to me that the comfort level was as high as it could be. I ended up moving her 80 miles away from where she lived before. This of course meant that friends couldn't visit easily, but then, most of her friends had fallen by the wayside anyway. Ideally, I would have liked to have kept her in the area in which she was living, but I simply couldn't find something that I was satified with - an extra (or close) care facility that wasn't a residential or nursing home, but was attached to one, so that it was there if she needed it.

  3. Nell

    Nell Registered User

    Aug 9, 2005

    This is a dreadful decision for you to make. My only comment would be to consider carefully taking her away from those who visit her at present. As you and your sister can only have limited contact, those that can and do visit should be encouraged. Given that at least two of them are also elderly, it would seem important to keep your Mum as near as possible.

    I know there are other considerations apart from this one. I don't envy you having such a difficult decision to make. Thinking of you and sending you good wishes. Nell
  4. willemm

    willemm Registered User

    Sep 20, 2006
    Hello Sabato
    I think much depends on how much your Mum understands about her condition, and likewise if she knows what she likes to do. For those who are wheelchair-bound they depend on being moved around whatever the need - to/from wheelchair; to/from bed; to from commode or toilet etc. Home staff obviously deal with personal needs, but for social purposes your Mum needs to be able to ask for it to happen. If she can do this, try to get her opinion about the homes looked at. If she likes being visited, use the home that is nearest for relative(s). If she likes being involved, look for a home with a range of daily activities.It's a long day for the wheel-chair bound (my wife is one), and I think your choice of home needs to be that which will most satisfy your Mum as far as you can determine. Good luck.

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