Hello all,
I wondered if anyone has any thoughts on anticipatory grief please.
Bit of background - Mum has been in care for four years and previously to that was ill for a long time undiagnosed. She was finally diagnosed in 2012 which is nearly 7 years ago now. I have cared for her single- handedly and found this whole sad journey very painful, particularly given that I had a childhood being separated from her by my father.
Since Mum has been in care there have been three hospital admissions over the years; the most recent one was for 5 days for extreme dehydration and an infection and I thought she was going to die. Prior to going in she had been sleepy, non-verbal, not eating and looked so ill that I went through intense feelings of loss. Since she came out I feel so exhausted with it all that I feel like I need to step back. I currently visit the CH 3-4 times a week.
My dilemma however is feeling guilty for not going in, combined with sadness at seeing her decline but not wanting to keep suffering the ongoing loss and I feel selfish for not wanting to be on this journey any more. I also feel like I have had a shift in my grieving as her disease is progressing and I am becoming more accepting of her death. Does anyone know what I mean with this - sorry if I haven't explained myself very clearly here, it's confusing to me and any thoughts would be gratefully received.
Thank you. :/
I wondered if anyone has any thoughts on anticipatory grief please.
Bit of background - Mum has been in care for four years and previously to that was ill for a long time undiagnosed. She was finally diagnosed in 2012 which is nearly 7 years ago now. I have cared for her single- handedly and found this whole sad journey very painful, particularly given that I had a childhood being separated from her by my father.
Since Mum has been in care there have been three hospital admissions over the years; the most recent one was for 5 days for extreme dehydration and an infection and I thought she was going to die. Prior to going in she had been sleepy, non-verbal, not eating and looked so ill that I went through intense feelings of loss. Since she came out I feel so exhausted with it all that I feel like I need to step back. I currently visit the CH 3-4 times a week.
My dilemma however is feeling guilty for not going in, combined with sadness at seeing her decline but not wanting to keep suffering the ongoing loss and I feel selfish for not wanting to be on this journey any more. I also feel like I have had a shift in my grieving as her disease is progressing and I am becoming more accepting of her death. Does anyone know what I mean with this - sorry if I haven't explained myself very clearly here, it's confusing to me and any thoughts would be gratefully received.
Thank you. :/