Foreign Holidays

[ScaryMary2008]

Hi all,

My uncle is 79 and has early Alzheimer's. My brother and I are his closest relatives and we visit him an alternate days to ensure he's had something to eat and give him some company. In the past he has been closer to my brother (This doesn't bother me, it's just for a bit of background).

Anyhoo, my brother wants to take my uncle back to Jamaica to visit relatives.
I think this is a mistake. If our Jamaican relatives miss him, then they could chat over the computer or maybe visit here (at a push). I think taking an old man half way round the world to visit people he won't recognise is a mistake. I doubt they'd know much about Alzheimer's (Because who does until you have to deal with it?)

Any thoughts?

My condiserations are:

• Would he cope on a plane for 9 hours (He doesn't like noise)?
• Insurance maybe high as it's a pre-existing condition
• He is anxious when out of his home environmnet (even when visting our mutual homes).
• He had a tendancy to go wondering. What if this happened while we were visiting realatives (In the hotel, it's less of an issue)?
• Would there be adequate medical provision if something was to happen (e.g. Knowlege of Dementia by Doctors if they had to treat him for something else such as a fall).

My brother takes him to his appointments with the memory clinics, but I'm not sure how much he's taken in about the diagnosis.

Is it just me or does anyone else think is a bad idea? Thoughts on how to broach this with my brother would be appreciated.


PS: We don't have Power of Attorney in place.

 

[chucky]

If it was down to me i'd say NO . I think the airport would be daunting enough for one thing, then theres the security checks, waiting for luggage, sitting in a chair for 9 hours, foreign country, the heat, sounds and smells unfamiliar to him. People who he doesnt recognise the list goes on. I think you are right to have reservations about this, air travel is bad enough for able bodied and sound minds it can be a traumatic experience to someone who's not used to it. It would be a better idea for them to come here and spend some time rather than the stress and drama a flight and hotel stay would be.

 

[Butter]

I totally agree with you ScaryMary. Totally. But then I am risk-averse. I have refused to travel outside the uk with my husband for some time now ... I'm afraid he gets into pickles on his own. So far he has survived - and so have the finances. But my hair has gone grey sitting at home. The worst time was when he got caught in the ash cloud in Spain - with no Spanish, no understanding of the internet, running out of medication. From what I can work out the hotel got him onto a bus to Paris - which took 36 hours - and we did not have clue where he was. He spent a few days in Paris .... and eventually found another bus home ... he had a shocking black eye.

 

[Witzend]

Hi all,

My uncle is 79 and has early Alzheimer's. My brother and I are his closest relatives and we visit him an alternate days to ensure he's had something to eat and give him some company. In the past he has been closer to my brother and he is the favourite of the two of us as he was the baby of the family (This doesn't bother me, it's just for a bit of background).

Anyhoo, my brother wants to take my uncle back to Jamaica to visit relatives.

I think this is a mistake. If our Jamaican relatives miss him, then they could Skype or they could visit here. I think taking an old man half way round the world to visit people he won't recognise is a mistake. I doubt they'd know much about Alzheimer's (Because who does until you have to deal with it?)

They have only missed him since I sent one of them a family photo of us along with a birthady card.

Any thoughts?

My condiserations are:

• Would he cope on a plane for 9 hours (He doesn't like noise)?
• Insurance maybe high as it's a pre-existing condition
• He is anxious when out of his home environmnet (even when visting our mutual homes).
• He had a tendancy to go wondering. What if this happened while we were visiting realatives (In the hotel, it's less of an issue)?
• Would there be adequate medical provision if something was to happen (e.g. Knowlege of Dementia by Doctors if they had to treat him for something else such as a fall).

My brother takes him to his appointments with the memory clinics, but I'm not sure how much he's taken in about the diagnosis.

Is it just me or does anyone else think is a bad idea? Thoughts on how to broach this with my brother would be appreciated.


PS: We don't have Power of Attorney in place.

Honestly, I wouldn't even think of it. Just the airport could be a nightmare, never mind being cooped up on a plane - no, you can't get up, the seat belt sign's on - queueing for the loo, other people taking forever, as they always do...
The mind boggles most horrendously.

Never mind all the confusion the other end - I want to go home, etc.

I can see that your brother means well and it's a lovely idea in theory, but that's exactly where it should stay IMO - in theory.

If he won't agree, how about getting him to take your uncle on a day trip somewhere - somewhere a reasonable distance away - and on the train, not in the car.
Should imagine that might open his eyes.

 

[Hatshepsut]

I suspect the situation will be different for everybody. My mother still goes on foreign holidays with my father, but she really hasn't a clue where she is or why. That's okay for her, because as long as he's there, she just smiles and goes along with things. In a funny kind of way, not having to worry about anything at all, but just sit in the sun, makes her feel happy and relaxed.

However, in your uncle's case, the situation is different. You say he is anxious out of his home environment and inclined to wander - both aspects of his condition that mean a foreign holiday would be likely to increase his anxiety, not alleviate it.

It's an excellent suggestion for your brother to take your uncle on a day trip using public transport - that's bound to be an eye-opener.

By the way, I'd look into sorting out POA as soon as possible.

 

[ScaryMary2008]

Thanks all for your words of advice. It was reassuring to know that I wasn't over reacting or letting emotion cloud my judgement.

The trip is still in the planning stages, but I don't think my brother has booked anything as yet. I'll have to sound out his plans and raise my concerns. Hopefully, if we have a few sessions on video chat over the internet this will ease the need to visit Cuba.

Thanks all. If I have further problems with this conundrum I'll know where to turn.