For You


Registered User
Aug 9, 2006
Dear Wonderful Caregivers,

I do hope that you're having an overall good day. Was reading up on Dementia as usual and came across a website that may be helpful to you.

True, we're almost all constantly researching, reading, doing, etc, etc for the people in our care. Maybe it's good to take a little time and take care of ourselves. Hope this helps.

With lots of love,


Registered User
Feb 22, 2006
sort of north east ish
Thanks for the link J. It looks a good place to start for a lot of issues. It's probably worth noting that the small print at the bottom of the page says it's for visitors from the US only. I guess lots of the content is relevant wherever you are ..... but some won't be. It looks a good site though.


Registered User
Feb 17, 2006
Just open the link and added it to my favourites look like a good Site Just what I need thanks JT13

Now why does Uk not have a site like that I wonder Áine :rolleyes:


Registered User
Feb 17, 2006
Thank- you for those Links I am a Member of carer Uk .

Nada link I found Bereavement Care Journal I am getting very confusing feeling of how my mother is changing from the mother I new before , when I heard Cliff Richard say he mother is not the woman she use to be it triggered a feeling that later came out in a dream as I took a nap today. I saw my mother in my dream for the first time in how she use to be . she ask me for fish chips as she still ask me now , but its not good for her :)

I went though a stage that I did not want to remember my mother how she was it was all to sad , but now am not. I pop in to my local AD group today and on the wall was loads of before after photo of all of the people that attended there was my mum younger looking and with my 3 daughter and one when mum married (dad dead now) but so good looking in photo both so elegant looking . then they gave me 2 photo of mum how she looks now , mum now just look older really thinner looking, but still my Mum .this does feel like a living grief feeling to me as I can feel a pain inside myself like the grief , pain I felt for my father . letting go of how my mother was and how she change and yes she still my mother inside that older person she now look like its good to share . It must be normal in what I am feeling .

My mum back from respite on Friday . Its really done me good 3 week respte help me come to Teams with feeling I did not want to feel because I was scared :rolleyes: am No more :)
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Registered User
Sep 22, 2006
my mother passad away at the age of 62 im march,and i have to say she looked the same age as my nana who was 80 she passed in febuary this year. It is awful to look back and see what she looked like and in mater of 8 years aged that much. I know she is as radiant now in heaven as she was befor her illness. Yet inside she was still our mum.x


Registered User
Oct 17, 2006
One minute she's my mum the next she's a stranger

Hi everyone, this is my first posting so would be grategul of any replies and advice. My Mum is 66, after noticing memory loss, vagueness and growing lack of social interaction, we saw our family GP. After seeing Mum she referred her to a Community Phsyciatric Nurse who began to visit. She in turn got a Consultant to see Mum, he thought Mums problem was vascular related.
For over a year she has done nothing around the house, apart from now if you leave a cup of coffee for 2 seconds it is thrown out, the cup is washed & put away, but she denies doing it!
She has started smoking again 25yrs after stopping. She can appear relatively ok but when she has a cigarette she comes back like a zombie, its like a drug to her and happens time and time again.
What I find hard is one minute talking to her normally like my old Mum almost and the next feeling so patronising, because I'm talking about the weather or something equally as trivial just to fill the silences.
Any advice or comments would be very, very welcome.
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Registered User
May 24, 2006
Freya you are talking about my 90 yr old Mother to a T
only mine does not smoke but instead puts chocolates between her legs !!!!!!!!

Vascular Dementia is a roller coaster of craziness and as far as I am concerned its

" Stop the world I want to get off "

Just 10 minutes of her lies and abuse and I am at screaming pitch

No one should have to endure the effects of VD and I just have to be thankful that her GPs say

You too have a life and she is borderline to being sectioned although that is a very difficult thing to get done "


Registered User
Jan 4, 2006
Hiya Freya ,
Welcome to TP. My mother has also suffered with vascular dementia, and her decline has been gradual. She too smoked - though we used to try and ration them - but when cleaning out the water butt in the garden, the bottom was full of cigarettes!
Freya, it is difficult, but all I can say is enjoy the good parts as much as you can. I have not experienced the anger and lying - yes, mum did deny having done things, but that wasn't a lie to her - she just didn't know - your mum does not know that she has got rid of the drink.
No one should have to endure the effects of VD
. I do not agree with Helena. There are many people who 24/7 endure the effects of dementia - some out of love, so out of some feeling of duty - but because they choose to do it for the person that they care for. It broke our hearts the day that my mum finally had to go into a Nursing Home.
Yes, we all have our own lives to live - but we live that in relation to other people - our families, amongst others. There are times when they support us, and times when we do the same for them. No-one ever said being part of a family was easy.
Freya, pleased you have found TP - there is a really special bunch of people here, who will give you as much help, emotional support and information as you need - and if they can't, they will direct you to someone who can.
Love Helen

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