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Following on from last post

Pusskins

Registered User
Jun 6, 2020
163
0
New Zealand
Today's visit went as planned. I nearly chickened out as we've been warned of a dreadful storm in these parts today, with blustery gales of up to 130 kmh with torrential rain. However, I decided to face the fear and tackled my 90 minute drive head on. I was disappointed to find MH was neither shaved or had his hair combed today as I had forewarned them I was coming. I wanted to take photos and am so brassed off that he looked so good last visit, but I didn't have my camera with me. I took photos today, but they're not as good as I'd hoped for. Anyway, when I got there, I couldn't find MH and took the dog outside to search the grounds. As we neared the end of the path, it suddenly occurred to me that he might have hived off to a little lounge room where he often goes on his own., the windows to which were at the end of the path I was on. Sure enough, I looked through the window and saw him in there. I waved out to him and it was obvious he knew who I was, so that was something, but not once all day did he mention my name or say I was his wife. I had taken a photo album which featured a house we owned and renovated around 20 years ago, but it was clear he didn't remember any of it. When I pointed out a photo of him building a deck, he uttered 'BS'. I dragged out a few other photos of him and I taken more recently. The one of me taken about 10 years ago, he pointed to and said: That's you. He didn't recognise me in the next photo which was taken more recently. I have left photos there for him before, but they always end up either lost or destroyed somehow. I went to comb my hair in the mirror in his room, only to find it gone. I strongly suspect he ripped it off the wall as he did with the photo frame attached to the door to his room. I also took a child's jigsaw puzzle with me for him and I to do together. He watched me put it together, although I managed to get him to put the last piece in, then he helped me put all the pieces back in the box. To be fair, it was just after the midday meal and he was starting to feel drowsy. In fact he fell asleep, so I took my leave at that point.

Apart from all that, I am disappointed to find that he's not really getting any kind of stimulation out of the occupational therapy they all receive daily. I've only ever seen the woman giving them verbal general knowledge tests. I asked her today if they do anything else such as table games, jigsaws etc. She said they did, but that MH always gets up and walks away.

MH is 10 years my senior, but there is good health and longevity in his family, whereas I've been a diabetic for 65 years and I always assumed I would be the one to pack up first. I never saw this coming and still find it hard to accept. If I won Lotto, I would bring him home and employ fulltime care for him. If only.
 
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canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
14,602
0
South coast
Hello @Pusskins. I think that sounds like the visit went fine. Yes, it is disappointing when you want to take photos and they dont look their best, but mum wouldnt always co-operate with the carers, so although they did their best and mostly she was washed and dressed in clean clothes, sometimes she would just get dressed in her dirty clothes again and refuse to change! Mum knew who I was right up to the end - her face would light up every time she saw me, but she couldnt always remember my name and the word describing our relationship was often lost to her. Im thinking maybe its the same with your husband.

Things often disappear in care homes - I found it best to take in copies of photos, rather than the originals as they often went missing. Write on the back a brief description of who and what is depicted and the approximate date and the carers can use it as a conversation starter too.

My own personal opinion is that "stimulation" is very overrated - especially in the later stages when they can easily get over stimulated. It sounds to me as though a lot of activities - jigsaws etc - are now beyond him. If he wants to take himself off for a bit of peace and quiet that is fine.
 

Pusskins

Registered User
Jun 6, 2020
163
0
New Zealand
Hello @Pusskins. I think that sounds like the visit went fine. Yes, it is disappointing when you want to take photos and they dont look their best, but mum wouldnt always co-operate with the carers, so although they did their best and mostly she was washed and dressed in clean clothes, sometimes she would just get dressed in her dirty clothes again and refuse to change! Mum knew who I was right up to the end - her face would light up every time she saw me, but she couldnt always remember my name and the word describing our relationship was often lost to her. Im thinking maybe its the same with your husband.

Things often disappear in care homes - I found it best to take in copies of photos, rather than the originals as they often went missing. Write on the back a brief description of who and what is depicted and the approximate date and the carers can use it as a conversation starter too.

My own personal opinion is that "stimulation" is very overrated - especially in the later stages when they can easily get over stimulated. It sounds to me as though a lot of activities - jigsaws etc - are now beyond him. If he wants to take himself off for a bit of peace and quiet that is fine.
Thank you for those wise words, @canary. Your wisdom always helps me enormously.