First Steps are Hard

[Thistle46]

Hi Folks,
Any advice on how to gently encourage someone to seek medical help for memory issues. My dad's a real concern but he and his wife are in denial anything may be wrong. They keep saying its just part of getting older but he isn't yet 70 and it seems more than normal ageing to me. He is repeating stories multiple times in the same conversation, forgetting names of people he knows well, forgetting big events that have only recently past. Can't remember what he did in a day by the evening even if it was a really eventful day. Confusing time periods etc. It was stuff you could brush off to begin with but it is now getting more and more obvious. He has also gone from a big chatty personality to stopping talking as much in conversations and sometimes seems a bit vacant. It could be other things (he is diabetic) or normal aging I suppose but it's really hard to know and I have no idea the best way to broach anything. Tried talking to his wife. At first she began to open up and say she had concerns too but is now walking it back and dismissing it all. She is a fair bit younger than him too which makes it hard for her. I know she has fears of loosing him. So tricky and worrying. How did anyone here take first steps or persuade a loved one to seek advice?

 

[canary]

Hello @Thistle46

Im afraid that it is not uncommon for people with dementia to not realise that they have something wrong with them and to not believe people who say that they have. It is also not unusual for spouses to feel that saying that there is indeed problems is disloyal and a betrayal, or they put their head in the sand because they feel they cant cope with it, so they go into denial.

Im afraid that there is not much you can do while his wife wont accept that there are problems, but one thing you can do is write an email/letter to his GP bullet pointing your concerns. The GP will not be able to talk to you about your dad due to confidentiality, but your concerns will go into his records and the doctor will be able to see them next time your dad contacts the doctor about anything.

 

[Thistle46]

Thanks for replying. That is a good idea and something to try. I am making a note of things I notice at the moment too so there is some evidence that may help at some point. He has sometimes said my memory is shot is a way that makes me think he is worried and it is something on some level he is aware of but it's tricky to know the best words to say in response to maybe move things forward. The GP idea is good though. Didn't know you could do that.

 

[Fotoliza]

Hi Folks,
Any advice on how to gently encourage someone to seek medical help for memory issues. My dad's a real concern but he and his wife are in denial anything may be wrong. They keep saying its just part of getting older but he isn't yet 70 and it seems more than normal ageing to me. He is repeating stories multiple times in the same conversation, forgetting names of people he knows well, forgetting big events that have only recently past. Can't remember what he did in a day by the evening even if it was a really eventful day. Confusing time periods etc. It was stuff you could brush off to begin with but it is now getting more and more obvious. He has also gone from a big chatty personality to stopping talking as much in conversations and sometimes seems a bit vacant. It could be other things (he is diabetic) or normal aging I suppose but it's really hard to know and I have no idea the best way to broach anything. Tried talking to his wife. At first she began to open up and say she had concerns too but is now walking it back and dismissing it all. She is a fair bit younger than him too which makes it hard for her. I know she has fears of loosing him. So tricky and worrying. How did anyone here take first steps or persuade a loved one to seek advice?

It is a concern. About 3yrs ago I phoned the surgery in tears. I said I was very uncomfortable about having to do it, but felt my husband wasn't himself. I had made a list of bullet points so they made an appointment and we both spoke on the phone. Hubby went into the surgery for a few checks. Hubby signed a piece of paper allowing me to phone on his behalf. It took until January 2024 to get a diagnosis by the time we managed to speak to the relevant specialist. Do persevere for everyone's sake. It is better to know what you are dealing with. Playing a waiting game in denial won't help.