First post


Registered User
Nov 19, 2003

Sorry if this is a long post but I’ve just had the weekend from hell and after finding this site and reading through lots of posts, I felt the need to post myself!

My Grandparents, both in their 80’s, live 3 hours away, surrounded by other elderly relatives only. My Dad lives in Australia. They have an average sized house full of clutter with a large garden. My Nan has osteoporosis and struggles to move around. We also think she had a stroke a few years ago and her hearing isn’t brilliant. She never complains though and shuffles around looking after anyone who needs it. My Grandad is in the early stages of dementia. He has had that m*** test that you all talk about but I don’t know how he did other than that he’s been referred for a scan. This had been put back so he still hasn’t had it. Nan has been told that there may be some tablets he can take to slow the dementia.

My Nan says that it seems as though his brain 'stops’. One day, he will say he can’t remember the difference between rugby union and rugby league and the next day he tells me in great detail. Asks regularly what day it is and other similar questions. He has always been happy to just sit whenever he had the opportunity whereas my Nan likes to keep busy. Now, he won’t do anything else other than sit. He relies on my Nan for everything. He suffers from insulin dependent diabetes and my Nan has had to call 999 several times as she had found him on the floor, unconscious. She now has to make him eat.

A few weeks ago, Nan had gone shopping and Grandad was visited by a gang of men who said they needed roofing work done. When Nan got home she discovered he had given them nearly £8,000 they had saved. They came back on Monday to ‘do the work’ but next door called the police. Of course no one could do anything as they hadn’t broken in and taken anything. They had just come back to try and get some more money.

Nan is obviously distraught. She told me ‘How can I tell him off when he doesn’t even know that he’s done anything wrong?’ At least she now realises that there is no way she can keep money at home any more. She now locks him in the house when she goes out but I’m worried because of fire, etc.

I told her last time I visited that she should get her name on the account that all the bills were paid from, which fortunately, she did. Unfortunately, she doesn’t understand bank accounts as Grandad always dealt with everything so didn’t realise they were overdrawn. I now have power of attorney over that account so that I can keep an eye on things but that was a pain to sort out – I was lucky to be able to get time off work on Monday to go and sort it out before I came home. I see I need to sort out becoming enduring power of attorney, probably for both of them.

I’m feeling very frustrated and overwhelmed at the moment. I have downloaded as many of the factsheets as I could that seemed relevant and will read through when I have time. This site has been so useful though and I will try and condense some info into a format that will be useful for my Nan and easy to understand.

Sorry I’ve gone on and if it some of it seems OT but I can’t seem to talk about it all but it’s ok to type. Make sense?


Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
Hi Julie - it sounds as if you're having a tough time. I know from experience that you will find the support from people on this site invaluable. I'm afraid I can't offer anything practical but I just wanted to say that I feel exactly the same as you about typing in your thoughts. I don't speak to anyone about things but I find it so much easier to type in what I feel and the responses are always supportive.

Good luck



Registered User
Oct 16, 2003
Hi Julie

Alot of the things you have said are so familiar with many members on this site, you will not always find the answers to some of your problems but you will certainly get lots of useful information from many people in this forum. This site has become one of my lifesavers because up to finding it i felt as though i was the only person dealing with this sort of illness. My mum in law has severe vascular dementia and was diagnosed without the scan and as i am the main carer for her i relish getting onto this site to read how others cope (or dont at times). Through you reading all the various input on the site you will be able to advise and help your nan and you can always come on and ask whatever questions or queries you may have, and believe me there is always someone willing to try and offer some kind of advise, and yes it is easier to type what you are feeling.



Good Luck


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