First Christmas without my parents

[SkyeD]

I thought I'd do a quick post just about how life has been since my dad died in September 2022, and since my mum(PWD) died in June this year. One year ago, I was grieving dad and just at the beginning of December mum moved into a care home, so technically that was my first Christmas without either of them. They always used to come for Christmas dinner, and I must admit that last Christmas Day I struggled with thoughts and tears alongside trying to remember happy days. By then, my mum hadn't a clue with anything that was going on. That said, she had a lovely Christmas in the care home and for that I'm eternally grateful.

Since mum died in June, life has been full on what with arranging the funeral, applying for probate, sorting out bills and pensions, paying care home fees, and putting their house on the market. The house has sold and completion should be next month. Once that's done and dusted, I think I'll feel free to get my life back on track - I'm envisaging it being a kind of closure for myself.

This Christmas it'll be just me and my OH, hopefully having a quiet, spontaneous time doing what we want, when we want. I've been a bit surprised that after the initial bit of informing family and friends of my mum's death, not one of them has asked how I'm coping (thinking mainly of my mum's brother, my dad's brother, my step family, and the close friends that mum and dad had). I'm not after sympathy, never have been, but it would have been nice to have been asked nonetheless. To be honest, you lovely, friendly forum posters have been more supportive than any of the people mentioned in brackets, and for that I'm very grateful.

Yes, I'm a strong, organised person who has basically managed everything single-handed, but I have suffered loss and my emotions are still pretty raw. I know that grief affects people in different ways, and I know that it can go on for some time, and I don't make any excuses for that.

All said, I'm looking forward to Christmas this year. It'll be strange, I know, but I'm still looking forward to it.

Anyway, enough said. Just thanks to everyone who's listened. Wishing you peace over the festive period.
S x

 

[Jale]

I think people tend to "forget" to ask how you're doing once the funeral has taken place, maybe it's because they think it may be upsetting or it just doesn't cross their minds.

I hope that you and your OH enjoy a new type of Christmas and that you can remember your loved ones with a smile.

 

[karenbow]

hi skye- its been 2yrs now since mum and dad passed both close together dad in may 2021, mum 4 days later alzheimers took a massive dip and mum needed to be in a care home 4 months later passing also - i was like you and now this is my 3rd christmas without them - day to day life is easier although i have moments when i try so hard to pull myself together but special dates etc are hard and christmas is one of those- im an only one but have a lovely daughter,husband grandkids ,and relatives did contact me when mum and dad died and then nothing and i dont know about you but i did feel like id just been forgotten , a bit lost. i decided to send a christmas card to one of dads relatives because id moved house and even though its a distant relative i had the urge to tell someone where i was- anyway yesterday they rang me- i dont know them well, conversation was a little difficult but they cared enough to ring i think it is difficult and we dont always know what to do - i hope you have a lovely christmas skye and things do improve in time i certainly smile more now than i did and having lovely memories is precious

 

[Izzy]

@SkyeD and @karenbow thank you both for your updates.

These special days are always hard. Wishing you both a lovely Christmas with special memories of your loved ones.