First Christmas with Mum in care home

[Kingsbridge]

It's my first Christmas with mum in care home sadness has overwhelmed me the dementia has made her confused about all the Christmas stuff going on

 

[Shedrech]

hang on in there @Kingsbridge
the Christmas celebrations can be enjoyable because they are out of the ordinary, sadly though, they can also be confusing and distressing for exactly the same reason when routine and familiarity become a kind of comfort blanket
I remember dad just worrying every time I showed him a new card, as all he had on his mind was whether he'd sent that person a card (I had in his name, but he hadn't himself) and he wouldn't/couldn't accept that it was fine, so got no pleasure from them ... I ended up putting the cards up but not showing him each new one ... he did, however, enjoy Christmas lunch which the staff made really nice for the residents; he was a man who enjoyed his food

best wishes to you and your mum

 

[Kingsbridge]

Thank u for your lovely reply I'm going to have to get less sensitive to it all mum crying when I went today spent the morning trying to make her laugh and not to worry which didn't work and when I went and looked back to wave she was laughing with the other residents so I need to toughen up a bit x

 

[Shedrech]

@Kingsbridge that has made me smile .... dad was just the same at times ... it actually helped me, knowing that whatever happened during my visits, he was generally fine moments later ... he lived very much in the moment, so I learnt to as well
and quite honestly, I bent the truth if I needed to .... better to help him to be as calm as possible

 

[Rosalind297]

I feel pretty low at the moment having just been to see Mum in her CH. She seems to have settled reasonably but when she sees us she is sad because she just wants to be with us. It is hard when she is with others who are much worse than she is (not all of them but two this morning were very distressed and despite the carers best efforts, remained so which upset everyone else). I would have brought her home in an instant if I could get away with it. Now I am at home on my own for the rest of the day with plenty of time to think about it. She, however, has carol singers in this afternoon so will probably feel more festive than I. You’re not the only one who has to toughen up @Kingsbridge

Tomorrow, though, I shall be picking her up and taking her to my brother’s for Christmas dinner and a few pressies. It will be her first time out of the home since she got there six weeks ago. When I take her back around 3, I will stay with her for an hour to acclimatise. If it goes reasonably well, the CH senior care manager has said we should take her out now and then for some variety. That will be the best Christmas present I could have.

Wishing everyone a Merry Christmas, where ever and how ever you may be spending it.

 

[Kingsbridge]

Thank u all for your replies it's good to know that I am not alone happy Xmas and a peaceful new year x

 

[Carrot74]

In the same boat, mum's first Christmas in the CH. I hope things went ok and you're doing alright.

I visited Christmas Day, Boxing Day and yesterday. Today I feel utterly spent and very very sad - I probably need to toughen up too. I have got much better at being 'matter of fact' and taking it in my stride, except for the odd day.

 

[Kingsbridge]

I too have sad days visited care home mum said the words fallen couldn't get any more words but she had graze on her hand I spoke to senior carer who said mum couldn't have fallen because she wouldn't be able to get up by herself but she said she had a bruise on her arm and will investigate and get district nurse to check mum out so waiting to here so now I can't sleep worrying about it all and as mum can't say many words in a sentence it's difficult also had contract to sign for care home which is asking for me to sign to be responsible for fees when mum can't pay which I can't sign ASI can't afford 840 per week it's all starting to make me feel that I just don't want to get out of bed

 

[Shedrech]

hi @Kingsbridge
that senior carer is on the ball, responding to what you told her in exactly the right way ... so, although I can't say 'don't worry', you do have the reassurance that the staff are listening to you

I'd say don't sign anything that makes you yourself responsible for any finances, an Attorney is required to manage the person's finances but not to pay anything themselves ... should your mum's finances fall below certain thresholds the LA will begin to contribute after they make an assessment of your mum's finances ... though, sadly, that can sometimes mean that a care home will no longer accept a placement so a move has to be made to a home that accepts LA funded residents

these pages on the main AS site may help with info

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/legal-financial/who-pays-care

 

[Kingsbridge]

Thank you shedrech for reply