Finding my parents

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by usedup, Nov 6, 2015.

  1. usedup

    usedup Registered User

    Aug 5, 2014
    21
    West Berkshire
    I am finding this site useful, and realising that others have worse problems than I. At present my wife has full mobility and the really bad days are when she decides that her problems will only be solved by going home to her long dead parents. This means walking with her (or following by car like a stalker) till something clicks in her head and she becomes persuadable. All the advice is "Don't try physical restraint". So I don't. In more normal moods she mentions her parents but can be diverted by answers like "Your Daddy has been recalled to India." (Where he served and she was born.) But in wandering mode that distraction fails. She also looks different and regards me as an impediment to her search, that must be got rid of. If anybody has a similar story it might give me clues. It seems that she has to take things with her. Today it was three framed photographs and three pairs of tights in a plastic bag.
     
  2. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    2,739
    hello used up
    I have heard anecdotally that some people who were brought up with army parents do pack and take things with them and that some really enjoy packing and unpacking suitcases or bags as that is what they were used to doing in their youth.
    It is really common to look for parents. My Ma used to say to the bus for the lunch club "we must leave now or my Mum (me, her daughter) will be really worried and then she will be cross!!" and sometimes in sleepy mode she would tell me all about her mum and how she would be there soon - my much loved Grandma would have been tickled pink!!
    Noone's problems are better or worse than anyone elses on here....keep posting, good to talk to you xxx
     
  3. Jinx

    Jinx Registered User

    Mar 13, 2014
    2,333
    Pontypool
    Hello Usedup my husband constantly asks for and wants to go and visit his parents, he is 83. In the past I have driven him miles whilst he 'directed' me until his demeanour changed and then he was OK for me to navigate and once we got back home he was relatively relaxed. Does this happen more for your wife in the afternoon/evening as it often seems to be part of 'sundowning' which is well documented? xxx


    Sent from my iPad using Talking Point
     
  4. lin1

    lin1 Registered User

    Jan 14, 2010
    9,322
    Female
    East Kent
    #4 lin1, Nov 7, 2015
    Last edited: Nov 7, 2015
    Hello Usedup. It's sounds as though you are doing very well . Your keeping your wife safe while she wanders and yes it's best not to restrain her as it is most likely to cause her a great deal of distress she may even lash out.
    I have found a Factsheet on here about Walking
    http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/site/scripts/documents_info.php?documentID=152.
    apologies if you have already read

    Packing to go home, wanting mum or dad is quite common , it could be the person wants to be with people or the place where they felt safe as a child ie, mum made everything alright soothed away their fears when they were little.

    I am wondering if your wife could be Sundowning, it's a period of great confusion /agitation , that often come on at sunset , in reality it can happen at anytime of the day or night and often come on at regular times, I could set my watch by when mum's started.
    Some of mum's Sundowning turned out to be caused by pain, hunger or tiredness
     
  5. usedup

    usedup Registered User

    Aug 5, 2014
    21
    West Berkshire
    Finding parents

    Thank you, Jinx. Something like 'Sundowning' might describe it except that it usually happens in the morning. 8.00 a.m. to 10.30 a.m. is the most dangerous.
     
  6. usedup

    usedup Registered User

    Aug 5, 2014
    21
    West Berkshire
    Finding parents

    Thank you, Lin1. I read the Factsheet once but some time ago and it is good to be reminded. 'Sundowning' might be a clue, as you say it can happen at any time. With my wife it is always between 8.30 a.m. and 10.30 a.m. When we are in the car her requests vary wildly. It can be "Put me down here and I will walk" or "You are not going to dump me, are you?" A possible explanation (though it won't help) is that she has always abandoned situations in which she felt badly treated - often walking away with no explanation and leaving others to pick up the pieces. Having memory problems probably constitutes being badly treated.
     
  7. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,531
    Female
    South coast
    Sundowning usually happening in the late afternoon/evening (hence the name), but, actually, it can happen at any time of the day. If its a regular occurrence then it probably is sundowning
     

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