Final stages of end of life...

[Sseven]

Hi All,
I hope you’re keeping well.

I guess I’m kind of after some of your own experiences. My Nan is on end of life, and hasn’t been talking, drinking only a few sips a day, and eating nothing, or a bite of something every other day. The nurses has said that she cannot survive on what she’s been having, and it has been 4 weeks... they have stated that she should have passed by now but she’s very strong.
Monday just gone we were told that she had deteriorated again over the weekend, and they didn’t think she would be able to hold on for the night, if she did then the week.. today she’s woken up apparently a little brighter, had a spoonful of Weetabix and a sip of tea.

Is this normal? Does this tend to last long? Why does this happen?

Sorry, I’m just after some understanding as I keep getting my hopes up, and then thinking the worst, it’s a constant yo-yo in my mind.

Thank you x

 

[Grannie G]

Hello @Sseven

From what I have gathered there is no time scale for the body shutting down during end of life.

It would certainly make it easier for family members who find it so painful keeping the vigil, but as long as the person seems pain free, not distressed and relatively comfortable, they just need to be allowed to pass in their own time.

It is human nature to feel delight when the person who is at end of life takes a spoonful of sustenance. It is natural. We don`t want to think of people we love starving to death.

Really, all we can do is allow their bodies and minds to dictate, feed them if they seem to want food, make sure their mouths stay moistened, let them know they are not alone and allow them to pass in peace when they are ready.

I found when my husband was dying, he had an overnight downturn and the difference was quite upsetting. This might be your experience and again it might be something completely different. All you can do is try to be prepared when and if that time comes for your Nan.

 

[Sseven]

Hi Grannie G,

I’d like to thank you for your response. I really appreciate it. I know it’s something that can’t be rushed and I know it takes time, it’s just a constant battle with questions and not understanding.
She’s not in pain and is comfortable so that’s the main thing. She deteriorated from Friday to Sunday quite quickly, so it could be a rapid decline, but no one knows.

Again, thank you for your response x

 

[cosipar]

Dear all,
My hubby has been in hospital since Dec 11th after a fall, then he had covid and he recovered, discharged on 29th of Jan. I was thrilled to have him home, on the 4th of Feb he stopped eating and drinking. District nurse gave him a low dose of morphine to ease his discomfort.
I'm heart broken and no idea what's ahead as my adult kids live abroad.

 

[canary]

Hello @cosipar
Im so sorry to hear about your hubby. As granny g pointed out earlier, there is really no knowing what will happen. Its an emotional roller coaster. Your hubby may even rally and start eating again - it happens more often with dementia than you might think. I was told three times that mum was at End of Life, but each time she rallied. Eventually mum did pass away, but she had not eaten or drunk anything for 17 days before that happened. With other people they deteriorate and pass away within a few days. Im sorry I cant be more specific.

I would be honest with your children and let them know what is happening - whatever that is. I think they would want to know, even if they cannot come home.

 

[kaz13]

My mother is in a care home, yesterday had call from the Senior carer to get there as her breathing had turned laboured. The paramedics were also called. She has lost so much weight, took nothing by mouth all day. When I left her (9 hours later) her breathing had become shallow but peaceful.
The district nurse had been in to administer morphine to ease pain. I also spent part of the night there and again a nurse came in to administer another morphine shot.
I have no idea how today is going to pan out.
The care home is being really supportive as access is only allowed for those with sudden serious decline.

 

[Grannie G]

It`s the saddest vigil @kaz13. We know there will be no happy ending but also know there will be peaceful release.

Take care.

 

[Hazara8]

Hi All,
I hope you’re keeping well.

I guess I’m kind of after some of your own experiences. My Nan is on end of life, and hasn’t been talking, drinking only a few sips a day, and eating nothing, or a bite of something every other day. The nurses has said that she cannot survive on what she’s been having, and it has been 4 weeks... they have stated that she should have passed by now but she’s very strong.
Monday just gone we were told that she had deteriorated again over the weekend, and they didn’t think she would be able to hold on for the night, if she did then the week.. today she’s woken up apparently a little brighter, had a spoonful of Weetabix and a sip of tea.

Is this normal? Does this tend to last long? Why does this happen?

Sorry, I’m just after some understanding as I keep getting my hopes up, and then thinking the worst, it’s a constant yo-yo in my mind.

Thank you x

End of life is as natural as birth in respect of the nature of our whole existence. We each follow that path. What we wish to avoid is violence and pain clearly. There is far too much of that in the world as we well know.
So, a ' natural ' end of life is really dependent on the individual concerned. One can be so often surprised at how seemingly frail residents in the Care Home who are subject to illness or perhaps pneumonia, rally against all odds. There is no fixed pattern in end of life as such. My late mother was living with dementia but had never suffered any significant illness in her close on 100 years. When End Of Life was diagnosed and she was removed to hospital because it was felt that things might be turned around, she survived for 28 days without food nor water, other than my application of the latter via a syringe. Even the senior Consultant was genuinely surprised. He simply told me " Her heart is so strong". Therefore one bows to the way of nature which even in this modern advanced world of clinical excellence, always wins at the end. The closing of a life can be extremely challenging for many owing to various factors. Covid-19 being a poignant example. But things being 'normal' then one has to look upon End of Life with the same eyes and the same compassion which was present during the journey through dementia, because the loved one is the same person as has always been. It is just that now their journey is coming to its end.

 

[kaz13]

Update
Visited mum over the last 2 days, she is now taking some fluids but not food. She’s sleepy and am not sure if she is aware I am there when she is awake. I don’t know how long this will go on for, it’s hard going. I have always promised mum I would be there all the way to the end.

 

[canary]

Hi @kaz13 . This stage is a terrible roller coaster. Sometimes they can rally (it happens more often than you would expect) and sometimes it seems as though they are improving, only for them to suddenly deteriorate. It is a horrible limbo.

I wanted to be with mum right up to the end too. When I was told that she probably only had a few hours left I stayed with her, day and night sleeping on the floor, for three days and the staff could not believe that she was still there. After the three days I had to go home and check up on OH and she passed away within 15 mins of me leaving. I was told by a very experienced carer that she had seen this many times and she thought that often they waited until they were alone before passing because they didnt want to go in front of their relatives. Sometimes they pass away when the person with them just pops to the loo. If this happens to you, please dont feel that you have failed her. You have been with her during her journey and that is more important than the final few seconds.
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