Feerling So bad

[vinvin]

Hi
Put my Mum in a care home yesterday for respite/assessment she had been to visit and liked the place but when I left she looked really sad and wanted to see me off but they made her stand inside. Have been worried sick and crying all night feel a wreck this morning, will ring in a while to see if she is ok. I really didn't want this for her wanted GP to give her something to help with delusions/halucinations but he said he thought care home would be better option, next thing I knew SS on phone agreed to her going for 2 weeks for assessment asked when this would be done given the date and time but told I didn't need to be there. Also had call from MH nurse who will be seeing her in a weeks time again told I don't need to be there
What I wanted to ask is what do they do on an assessment and does anyone who has had someone assessed think I should be there?

Thing is I don't want her in a home if not needed as still able to do things herself not incontinent only problem was she was convinced someone was getting into her flat and had told her she had to leave and she was getting very upset over this and packed up loads of bags.

Sorry if this is a bit rambling.

 

[nicoise]

This is not a situation I'm familiar with, but I'm sure someone will be along soon with more specific help - but I can hear that you've obviously had an awful night and feel very upset.

Your mum's welfare and safety are the top of the list right now - and hallucinations can be so difficult to handle. It sounds as though you might have caught her in time before a crisis happened such as wandering at night - those packed bags flag up her unrest and fear.

The medications that she probably needs to manage her hallucinations can be difficult to get right, so if she is in a safe environment whilst they try them out then at least you know that she should not come to harm, even if she is not happy. But she wasn't happy at home either, was she?

Sometimes the 24/7 aspects of a care home can really help someone who is beginning to become very afraid because of delusions. At least there will be someone ready at any moment to handle a problem, and maybe defuse the fears.

I hope your phone call puts your mind at rest - let us know how it goes?

 

[Bodensee]

hi vinvin,
Your poor mum, how horrible for the home not to let her see you off, why not, what was their problem, no wonder you are upset I would be to. I would also ask and insist to be at the assessment as they may make decisions that you are not happy with or give her medication that she may not really need. You are up against the authorities and it may be that they have more rights than you as to what is best for your mum, I am cautious about this happening with my mum as I know for sure she would hate to go into a care home for any length of time, seeing our loved ones upset with this disease is very distressing. If you feel nervous about her situation then make sure you are attend the assessments they cant stop you can they?

 

[Chemmy]

It must have been really scary for your mum to be on her own at home, thinking there was someone in her flat telling her to leave. Sometimes moving into a care home where there is someone around all day every day can be really reassuring.

I don't know if you have been following CollegeGirl's mum's stay in respite,

http://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/showthread.php?50221-My-dad-is-alone

and http://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/showthread.php?50474-Just-a-quick-dip-...&p=668341

You'll see how upset she was a week ago and how much more positive she was yesterday so it shows that sometimes you need to give it time to see how it works out.

The staff need time to get to know your mum and your mum needs time to get to know them, but in the interim, you know she is safe and hopefully less afraid.

 

[Sue J]

Hi Vinvin

Sorry you and your Mum are going through this. Have you managed to ring to check your Mum is Ok?

I would too definately insist on being at the assessment and also if you are carer for your Mum ask for a carer's assessment too. The MH nurse should really welcome you there to advise how your Mum has been and your observations of her behaviour.

I hope the home are able to reassure you that your Mum has settled and that you feel a bit better.

best wishes
Sue

 

[Nebiroth]

Unfortunately, in the case of dementia, the hallucinations and delusions may not be amenable to medication.

Finding a suitable dose of a suitable drug can be a process of trial and error that can last weeks or even months, as everyone reacts to the drugs differently and the benefits can take weeks to show up if they ever do.

And often, the delusions/hallucinations persist despite everything, although they may be reduced or the person with them is no longer so distressed or anxious.

My dad had delusions and paranoia about our neighbours and we spent at least 18 months trying to medicate it. The delusions would fade for a bit but always come back and the medication was ever increasing in doses. Eventually it got so bad that he had to be sectioned to a mental health hospital as it escalated beyond what we could deal with.

So, often medication is ineffective, and the only way forward is to accept that the patient has delusions/hallucinations that are there to stay and to deal with the practical problems they pose. I suspect that is why the doctor suggested a care home would be a better solution. Not least because the medications themselves are not without risks, such as increased risk of strokes or that such high doses are needed that the patient ends up in a permanently sedated state.

 

[vinvin]

Feel a bit better

I rang the home and was told she took herself to bed at 6.30 pm but that is not unusual they got her down for a drink at 9.30 and she was again up at midnight but after that she slept until morning they had sat her with someone after breakfast and she was happily chatting away with her. So feeling a bit better now and will see her after work tomorrow.
Thanks to everyone for their advice I will go to the SS assessment and the other one if |I can get hold of person to find out when she is going.

Hi Vinvin

Sorry you and your Mum are going through this. Have you managed to ring to check your Mum is Ok?

I would too definately insist on being at the assessment and also if you are carer for your Mum ask for a carer's assessment too. The MH nurse should really welcome you there to advise how your Mum has been and your observations of her behaviour.

I hope the home are able to reassure you that your Mum has settled and that you feel a bit better.

best wishes
Sue

 

[Sue J]

I'm glad you were able to ring the home Vinvin and they've managed to reassure you a bit. It's tough on you as well as your Mum but keep in the loop as you are and you'll get through.
Take care
Sue