Feeling the guilt

[Willing attorney]

I have just had to put my mother into Carehome last week as she was not safe on her own in the evenings after carers had finished for day. With her Alzheimer’s she doesn’t remember being asked about and agreeing going into Carehome. I am finding this emotional & upsetting time is this normal?

 

[Kevinl]

Yes it's normal, just don't beat yourself up about it, my wife had to go into care as I ended up in hospital for a long time, I've always told the kids if I go the same way as her (early onset mixed, aytyipical AZ) in her case to put me in a home too. I have children so we love them, not making carers.
I did it through choice when I said "in sickness and in health" when we married my choice, kids never got to say they wanted us as parents, bit young at the time.
What you're feeling is normal but don't let grief ruin your life, it's not what I'd want for our children, all I can say. K

 

[Kristo]

What you are feeling is absolutely normal, you know that you have made the right decision for your relative’s safety, care and quality of life, with a whole team of professionals on hand 24 hours a day.

However, your head and your heart will be telling you different things during this period of transition. If you didn’t love then you wouldn’t feel the guilt, the two emotions are strongly linked.

Take time to adjust, it will not happen overnight but you will see the positives. We all understand how you are feeling and we are sending you strength x

 

[canary]

Hello @Willing attorney
Yes this is normal. It takes time for both the person with dementia and their carer to adjust. Your head knows that it is the right thing to do, but your heart hasn't yet caught up
xx