I'm new to this forum .My mum had a fall last June and rib fractures, which led to her having Delirium overnight. She had previously been fiercely independet. After horrendous hospital admissions where they took away her mobility by keeping kept her bedbound, lack of care / caring. She has lost her independence. She returned home for a while with support but fell again. We found a care home where she was for 2 months. The staff had no idea how to care for her. Young girls from another country made up the majority of the staff. Lack of training led to mum being over sedated and she had a rapid decline. Luckily we managed to get her to a hospice where they stabilised her. She improved but obviously had cognitive imparement and we had to find another home. She's been in her current nursing home for 6 weeks. She still thinks that its a temporary stay and that she will be coming with me when I leave after visiting. Some days she's bright and others she's sleepy or appears confused and in another world. It's incredibly hard to see this once vibrant and sociable lady become a shadow of her former self in a few months. . I have had to be her advocate and I'm feeling exhausted by it all. Yesterday I visited - Mothers Day. It was the first time I couldn't talk to her as she was in a deep sleep and I just stood by her bed and cried. I left the things I'd taken as the staff will show her and felt beyond sad. Then found this group online. I hope someone can identify with my situation.
Feeling sad and tired.
- Thread starter Saralara
- Start date
Im so sorry @Saralara
Falls really shake up elderly people and many of them decline, even without dementia in the mix. The shock of a fall and the pain of fractures frequently progresses dementia. People with dementia are much more prone to delirium and this can be bad news - it can take months for it to improve, they very seldom get back to the level they were at before and sometimes it does not resolve at all.
Put it all together, its not so surprising that your mum has had a massive decline, although it is hard to see it. I do hope that she is in a home home where her needs are being met now. The main thing at this stage is to keep her comfortable and let her sleep when she needs it.
xx
Falls really shake up elderly people and many of them decline, even without dementia in the mix. The shock of a fall and the pain of fractures frequently progresses dementia. People with dementia are much more prone to delirium and this can be bad news - it can take months for it to improve, they very seldom get back to the level they were at before and sometimes it does not resolve at all.
Put it all together, its not so surprising that your mum has had a massive decline, although it is hard to see it. I do hope that she is in a home home where her needs are being met now. The main thing at this stage is to keep her comfortable and let her sleep when she needs it.
xx
Why does delirium develop quite often after falls. My mum has become so unsteady only recently and am worried about her falling. I stay a few nights , myself and family help her everyday. Never a day by herself...but she could still fall. I'm starting to really worry.
Im afraid that no one really knows.
There are several things that can trigger delirium - pain, fractures and infection being the most common - and its known that people with dementia are more prone to it and often do not fully recover from it, but no-one knows why
She now seems to struggle with dressing herself. Could this be a downward step?
I hate seeing the changes. I have cried every day since diagnosis. I can't accept it. My MIL passed away 2 weeks ago (dementia) 9 years in a care home. It was so so awful to watch her. Hadn't been out of bed since Oct 2022.
I can't bear the thought of my lovely mum having to go through that.
I hate seeing the changes. I have cried every day since diagnosis. I can't accept it. My MIL passed away 2 weeks ago (dementia) 9 years in a care home. It was so so awful to watch her. Hadn't been out of bed since Oct 2022.
I can't bear the thought of my lovely mum having to go through that.
Yes, Im afraid that it probably is.
Dont compare your mum to your MIL, though. Every person with dementia is different and their symptoms and time line will not be the same. The only thing that is certain is that it will progress, but there is no knowing how fast or slow it will be or how she will present. I expect that grief is colouring your responses
xxx
My mum had delirium with all of her hospital admissions
There was improvement when her physical heal recovered.
each time we got back 80 per cent of the woman we had before tho
Thinking of you x
There was improvement when her physical heal recovered.
each time we got back 80 per cent of the woman we had before tho
Thinking of you x
Hello @Saralara and @Angelsoul
Welcome from me too. I am in a similar boat. Mum has vascular dementia and has recently stepped down into late stage and is now bed bound apart from hoisting every few days.
I completely get how awful it is to see the decline. At the moment I can’t bear to look at photos of her a few months ago when she was mobile.
Thanks to reading here I had strategies in mind to help manage my emotions- not that I am always successful!
I don’t go to ‘visit’ and expect interaction as sometimes mum can’t and sometimes she is asleep. I go to ‘hang out’. I put on the TV or radio and we sit together….I will just hold her hand or get on with some life admin or colouring / painting for myself. I help to feed her if need be.
when things are difficult and I am tearful I spend the time texting my friends and doing things that are ‘investing’ in my future. It helps a little.
or I go chat with another resident or family member whereby I have less emotionAl involvement.
It truly is awful to watch - i have a new motto ‘Late stage dementia is f***ing awful but I look for and grab hold of any unexpected moments of joy’.
Prioritise yourselves and keep posting here if you find it helpful xx
Welcome from me too. I am in a similar boat. Mum has vascular dementia and has recently stepped down into late stage and is now bed bound apart from hoisting every few days.
I completely get how awful it is to see the decline. At the moment I can’t bear to look at photos of her a few months ago when she was mobile.
Thanks to reading here I had strategies in mind to help manage my emotions- not that I am always successful!
I don’t go to ‘visit’ and expect interaction as sometimes mum can’t and sometimes she is asleep. I go to ‘hang out’. I put on the TV or radio and we sit together….I will just hold her hand or get on with some life admin or colouring / painting for myself. I help to feed her if need be.
when things are difficult and I am tearful I spend the time texting my friends and doing things that are ‘investing’ in my future. It helps a little.
or I go chat with another resident or family member whereby I have less emotionAl involvement.
It truly is awful to watch - i have a new motto ‘Late stage dementia is f***ing awful but I look for and grab hold of any unexpected moments of joy’.
Prioritise yourselves and keep posting here if you find it helpful xx
Thank you so much for your comment. Yes I try to find joy everyday in something
I work part time with Adults with Autism. I love my job which is my salvation..
We have a sensory room which helps the PWS feel calm. I need one at home!
Mmm... also a good swear up releases tension. Xxxxx
I work part time with Adults with Autism. I love my job which is my salvation..
We have a sensory room which helps the PWS feel calm. I need one at home!
Mmm... also a good swear up releases tension. Xxxxx
@Angelsoul and @canary I was told by the clinical director of the hospice that mum was in over Christmas that a broken bone can leak bone marrow which can cause a fatty embolism. This can get in the blood brain barrier and cause Delirium. I have read articles online which fit what happened to my mum perfectly. The change was a matter of hours. It's not always recognised as Delirium though. My poor mum was having visual and aural hallucinations for a while. She was terrified.
Consider also chronic sub-dural haematomas. These are small bleeds on the brain that can occur after a fall, even if there hasn't been a bang on the head. Even jerking or shaking the head can cause them.
When my mother fell and hit her head, there was no acute bleeding on the brain (CT Scan) but she developed delirium which hadn't resolved after a couple of weeks. I had to really push to get her another scan and when the consultant reluctantly agreed, they found a chronic sub-dural haematoma which was not in the same area as the bump on the head was. A further scan showed the bleed was enlarging at which point the consultant panicked and sent mum to a different hospital with a neuro department.
Mum was placed on a ward with people who had brain injuries from car crashes, etc. and unbelievably, no one seemed to have a clue about dementia. It didn't go well and it's a long story which is not relevant here. The point is that chronic sub-dural haematomas are very common but often go undiagnosed as they are not there when a patient initially presents, say after a fall. So think about all those instances where an elderly person falls and the paramedics are called. The person hasn't hit their head but has, say, an elbow wound. They get treated for that but no one checks them over the next few weeks to see if they've developed a chronic SDH. These bleeds (when discovered) are sometimes treated but more often resolve on their own, in time. But they can certainly cause delerium.
For the record, although mum's bleed was eventually re-absorbed and her delerium reduced from the level it had been, she never really recovered much and needed full time care.
When my mother fell and hit her head, there was no acute bleeding on the brain (CT Scan) but she developed delirium which hadn't resolved after a couple of weeks. I had to really push to get her another scan and when the consultant reluctantly agreed, they found a chronic sub-dural haematoma which was not in the same area as the bump on the head was. A further scan showed the bleed was enlarging at which point the consultant panicked and sent mum to a different hospital with a neuro department.
Mum was placed on a ward with people who had brain injuries from car crashes, etc. and unbelievably, no one seemed to have a clue about dementia. It didn't go well and it's a long story which is not relevant here. The point is that chronic sub-dural haematomas are very common but often go undiagnosed as they are not there when a patient initially presents, say after a fall. So think about all those instances where an elderly person falls and the paramedics are called. The person hasn't hit their head but has, say, an elbow wound. They get treated for that but no one checks them over the next few weeks to see if they've developed a chronic SDH. These bleeds (when discovered) are sometimes treated but more often resolve on their own, in time. But they can certainly cause delerium.
For the record, although mum's bleed was eventually re-absorbed and her delerium reduced from the level it had been, she never really recovered much and needed full time care.
@sdmhred @canary @Angelsoul @SherwoodSue Thank you so much for responding. Such a comfort to know others are in a similar situation. My emotions are up and down and the whole scenario of having mum in a nursing home feels like a constant weight on my shoulders. I know that I have done everything I could and am constantly an advocate for her because I can read her better than the staff can at the moment. Plus she'll complain to me if she's unhappy with anything but not to the staff. I must say they are a very kind bunch of people and I feel lucky to have found this home. I looked at loads before this one.
You are most definitely not alone in feeling as you do. I feel like that weight has sat on my shoulders for far too long, indeed I dream of the day when it might be removed. I know that time will also have it's challenges, but at least I can then work towards finding some closure. I find visits totally traumatising. I need to find 2 members of staff in order to 'escape' the home. On the occasions when they might not be readily available I feel a sense of panic rising, as I need to make it to the relative privacy of my car before the tears flow.
I reached a point about 4 years ago, where I felt I could no longer continue, but hey ho, here I am still hanging in there, as I have no other choice. Advocating for someone in this situation is really stressful and guilt ridden and but for this forum, I would be totally alone in this.
Please know that you are not the only one and keep using this forum to share your emotions as you need to x
I reached a point about 4 years ago, where I felt I could no longer continue, but hey ho, here I am still hanging in there, as I have no other choice. Advocating for someone in this situation is really stressful and guilt ridden and but for this forum, I would be totally alone in this.
Please know that you are not the only one and keep using this forum to share your emotions as you need to x
