Feeling really sorry for myself

[Margaret79]

I knew it was going to be a bad day when I got up this morning and MIL was up and her curtains were open. She rarely opens her curtains until she's been up at least a couple of hours and rarely gets up before 11am. This was 8am

I took the dog out and then went to see her about 9am, she was asleep in the chair so I left her.

About half an hour ago she went walkabout in the garden and once she gone back in I went to give her pills to her. She was very sour faced but took the pills automatically. Then proceeded to rant about not wanting to live here anymore, wanting to go into a home, wanting to see a health visitor.

I agreed with everything she said and told her that as it was Sunday we'd have to sort it out tomorrow. Then she got really angry and said she never wanted to come here in the first place and promptly threw the rest of her glass of water at me, she was a very good aim and caught me straight in the face!

I got up, told her that she did decided 4 years ago and walked out. I know perhaps I shouldn't have retaliated but it was a knee jerk reaction to being drenched. She really tests my patience sometimes.

Next thing she comes out of her place and storms off. Himself tried to talk to her but she gave him the silent treatment. Off she went and Himself got his shoes on and is now out following her. Hopefully he'll be able to talk her round and get her back.

There are days when I really hate this vile disease

 

[angecmc]

So sorry Margaret79, it really is a vile disease and tests the patience of a saint. I too would have retaliated so don't beat yourself up. I hope her mood improves soon for you and you may be able to enjoy the rest of the day xx

Ange

 

[Izzy]

Oh Margaret. I'm so sorry. I hope you're all ok.


Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point mobile app

 

[Witzend]

I got up, told her that she did decided 4 years ago and walked out. I know perhaps I shouldn't have retaliated but it was a knee jerk reaction to being drenched. She really tests my patience sometimes.

Next thing she comes out of her place and storms off. Himself tried to talk to her but she gave him the silent treatment. Off she went and Himself got his shoes on and is now out following her. Hopefully he'll be able to talk her round and get her back.

There are days when I really hate this vile disease

To be honest I think there are times when we need to retaliate, or we'd explode. I do sometimes think we can pussyfoot about too much, tiptoe around someone on eggshells, when their behaviour is appalling or unreasonable. It is not invariably the case that they 'can't help it' since some of us have found that a bit of very plain speech, on the lines of, 'I am not going to put up with this!' does result in better behaviour, at least for the moment.

Having said that, I was as bad a 'pussyfooter' as anyone with my mother - only really made my feelings very clear, very sharply, once, but guess what, she did stop that behaviour for that evening. It does go against the grain, though. We feel we should invariably be nobly patient, kind and forbearing, but we are only human and can only take so much. Stress can build to dangerous levels and we all need to let off steam sometimes.

At any rate, please do not beat yourself up about it for a moment.

 

[Margaret79]

Thank you all. She's back!

Evidently I'm the baddie as she was playing her piano (a baby grand) and I just picked it up and took it away from her She did have such a piano but it was sold before we moved!

Maybe that's why my knees are causing me problems

Anyway I'm the worse thing since sliced bread at the moment so I'm keeping out of the way. Himself unable to distract her to watch tv, dvd, read a book or anything so he's left her over there.

Remains to be seen what happens at lunchtime, we've got friends arriving for lunch and staying a few days. She's usually all sweetness and light when other people are here. I'm sure she can control some of her behaviour sometimes.

Roast chicken in, I'm gonna take the dog out into our field and blow the cobwebs away.

Thanks again xxx

 

[Saffie]

I'm so sorry Margaret.
I was feeling miserable as I have another bad headache, having had 4 previously this week, but at least I don't have to cope with what you are having to and nobody has thrown water over me.
Perhaps it might do some good if somebody did!
I hope you have a lovely time with your guests and some of the weight is taken off your shoulders by them too.x

 

[lin1]

So sorry to read it started off bad with MIL.
I hope as the day goes on, MIL improves.

 

[BeckyJan]

Sorry to read about your bad time this morning. I hope your walk and friends around you for lunch help. I do not think it does harm to retaliate on occasions.

 

[Noorza]

This bad behaviour is so hard to separate out as the disease acting and the person acting, and sometimes, especially when they can control it in front of others, I too believe there is an overlap. The lack of inhibitions in lashing out with water for you or fists as mum has done would need a saint not to be hurt by it. I'm not a saint, sadly.

 

[Helen33]

Oh Margaret,

What a day it has been up to now but I hope MIL has calmed down as much as possible. I really hope you have a lovely lunch with friends and a happy few days with them

Love

 

[Bree]

I feel that at times dementia is used as an excuse to behave and speak in an aggressive manner. "I can't help it, you know what my brain is like", is the usual reply to me. Take a deep breath, and a large G & T.

 

[Margaret79]

Thank you all, it helps just knowing that someone understands.

MIL spent most of the time before lunch trotting backwards and forwards between our house and hers, still really angry, having her say and then going home. Quite comical really . I mean no offence here, I just have to laugh sometimes otherwise I'd cry.

MIL joined us and our friends for lunch and was perfectly charming. GRR

Now she's gone home, has the telly on and is as happy as Larry. Until the next time whenever that may be.