Hello everyone. I have just joined today, following my third but no less awful visit to my aunt in her temp. care home (she's awaiting assessment for permanent placement). I am feeling so stressed, everything feels so difficult right now, made worse by her attitude and behaviour, and I have no experience of any of this (I know I am not alone in all this). I have found reading your stories, your experiences and your words of support so, so helpful, and I hope that as I navigate what is currently a nightmare, that I can offer something back to the community.
Feeling overwhelmed....
- Thread starter MrsScooby
- Start date
Welcome to the forum @MrsScooby.
I’m so sorry to read about your aunt’s situation. I’m glad that you’re already finding the forum supportive and helpful.
I’m so sorry to read about your aunt’s situation. I’m glad that you’re already finding the forum supportive and helpful.
Hello and welcome from me also @MrsScooby to this friendly and supportive forum.
I'm sorry to read of the nightmare you are going through with trying to sort care home accommodation for your aunt. You will know that her behaviour and words are the result of the dementia, and not her. Although, I know from experience that is hard to swallow at the time.
Please do continue to have good look around the forums and ask any particular questions you may like to. People here really do understand.
I'm sorry to read of the nightmare you are going through with trying to sort care home accommodation for your aunt. You will know that her behaviour and words are the result of the dementia, and not her. Although, I know from experience that is hard to swallow at the time.
Please do continue to have good look around the forums and ask any particular questions you may like to. People here really do understand.
Thank you for the welcome. I suppose part of my mixed emotions is that despite many medical professionals saying aunty 'certainly' has dementia (vascular they've said, following a stroke in December last year) I have yet to get a successful Memory Clinic appointment. I tried several times, with the final attempt rejected by the MC as her bloods weren't right. So despite the medics opinions, we have no diagnosis, officially. I'm now awaiting a Mental Health assessment and I need to catch up with the SW next week to see what's happening.
I have read how people in my aunts position can become aggressive, today I was called a 'stupid girl' (which was a step up from the 'idiot' I was last visit) after I had sat for almost an hour of her repeatedly asking 'are you taking me home?' 'when will I be getting out of here?' 'why can't I come and live with you'. I also got 'how could you do this to me?' and 'why have you done this to me?" She's always tried to manipulate me, wanted everything her own way no matter how unreasonable or lacking common sense, and I'm her 'angel' as long as I'm giving her what she wants, so I just try to remind myself of this, as well as remembering that as well as these comments, she also told me she has slept in the garden and had three pairs of slippers stolen (she only has one pair, which were on her feet!)
She's totally in denial that there is anything wrong, and thinks all this has happened to her 'just because I tripped up once' (though sometimes this is 'just because I went a bit light headed once' - it depends what day it is with that one). I of course got the blame because I 'opened my big mouth'.....but bearing in mind she has always blamed everyone else for what happens to her I don't suppose I should have expected anything else!
I'm trying my best for her, whilst navigating the maze of this stage of the process, but I am struggling so much with the way she is behaving towards me. The home assure me that although she can be challenging, she is OK, eating well and chatting to a couple of the other residents, but I come away from visits literally wanting to scream to get all the pent up emotion out of me. I just keep telling myself that 'this too shall pass' and that one day, hopefully not too far from now, she will be in a permanent home and will be more settled. Only time will tell on that one.
Sorry this has gone on so long. I wasn't meaning to write so much, but it's the first chance I have had to vent in a safe space and once I started...........!
Thanks for listening.
I have read how people in my aunts position can become aggressive, today I was called a 'stupid girl' (which was a step up from the 'idiot' I was last visit) after I had sat for almost an hour of her repeatedly asking 'are you taking me home?' 'when will I be getting out of here?' 'why can't I come and live with you'. I also got 'how could you do this to me?' and 'why have you done this to me?" She's always tried to manipulate me, wanted everything her own way no matter how unreasonable or lacking common sense, and I'm her 'angel' as long as I'm giving her what she wants, so I just try to remind myself of this, as well as remembering that as well as these comments, she also told me she has slept in the garden and had three pairs of slippers stolen (she only has one pair, which were on her feet!)
She's totally in denial that there is anything wrong, and thinks all this has happened to her 'just because I tripped up once' (though sometimes this is 'just because I went a bit light headed once' - it depends what day it is with that one). I of course got the blame because I 'opened my big mouth'.....but bearing in mind she has always blamed everyone else for what happens to her I don't suppose I should have expected anything else!
I'm trying my best for her, whilst navigating the maze of this stage of the process, but I am struggling so much with the way she is behaving towards me. The home assure me that although she can be challenging, she is OK, eating well and chatting to a couple of the other residents, but I come away from visits literally wanting to scream to get all the pent up emotion out of me. I just keep telling myself that 'this too shall pass' and that one day, hopefully not too far from now, she will be in a permanent home and will be more settled. Only time will tell on that one.
Sorry this has gone on so long. I wasn't meaning to write so much, but it's the first chance I have had to vent in a safe space and once I started...........!
Thanks for listening.
