• Expert Q&A: Rare dementias - Tues 3 March, 3-4pm

    Our next expert Q&A will be on the topic of rare dementias. It will be hosted by Nikki and Seb from Rare Dementia Support. If you have any questions about rare dementias, they will be here to answer them on Tuesday 3 March between 3-4pm.

    You can either post your question >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.

Feeling helpless

asone

Registered User
Jul 21, 2006
8
york
Hi, I am new to the group and am looking for support. My Dad is in rapid decline....he is suffering badly from paranoia and wandering constantly. He is also becoming quite aggressive which is totally out of character and my Mum is getting to the end of her tether. I have so many questions I don't know where to start. He thinks there are 'bad people out to get him with guns'....we don't know how to pacify him and outside help seems to take so long to organize. I work full time...12 hour shifts...my Mum has only just got CPN help but not enough to really help her. She is 72 and my Dad is 74. I live 50 miles away and am getting depressed because I don't know what to do.
 
Last edited:

Amy

Registered User
Jan 4, 2006
3,453
Hiya Asone,
Welcome to TP.
Is your dad on any medication to help with the paranoia? Is mum's GP aware of the aggression. There are factsheets on both topics (see top left hand corner of page) that may help. My mum used to wander enldessly; you could sit her down to eat, but that was it. Whilst she was able to go up and down the doorstep we made the garden secure, so she could go in and out the house, then it became wandering from one room to another. When she went into a home for daycare, it had to all be on one level.
I am sure others will be able to come up with some ideas. Keep asking questions; there is a vast array of knowledge on here from people who are dealing with similar difficulties on a daily basis.
Love Helen
 

dmc

Registered User
Mar 13, 2006
1,157
hello asone

my mum also suffered paranoia,and aggression at the start, there are drugs that can allieviate theses symtoms, my mum had to go into hospital to be assesed, and for them to monitor the drugs, has your dad been seen by a consultant yet, perhaps the cpn could arrange for your dad to see a consultant,
there is also other help your mum can get your cpn should be able to arrange this for you as well, you could also ask about a social worker.
sorry not much help at the moment, more questions than answers, perhaps you could give us a broader picture of their situation regarding any meds your dad is on and if he's been diagnosed and how long, im sure you'l get more answers soon,
good luck keep posting x
 

asone

Registered User
Jul 21, 2006
8
york
Help available

Thanks for your replies.....my Dad has been diagnosed with vascular dementia earlier this year and has seen a consultant who has tried various drugs so far with no success. I am losing confidence with the medication side of things as they all seem to bring about their own side effects and you can't tell then which is the person and which is the drug although I do realise he needs something to calm him.....maybe there is a more natural alternative out there. I would like to know what support is available. We have just been assigned a CPN but with no disrespect at all, as I think they have a tough enough job, it seems so long winded to get help in. You mentioned Social Workers....is that something I can apply for or does the CPN do this? Any suggestions at all would be appreciated because to be alone with this type of dementia is very trying and I am worried for my Mum as I can't be there that much. Thanks.....A.
 

Lila13

Registered User
Feb 24, 2006
1,342
In my mother's case it was the GP who sent the district nurses along and the nurses who contacted Social Services to arrange the carers. But you can phone Social Services yourself if you want to.

Lila
 

Tender Face

Account Closed
Mar 14, 2006
5,379
NW England
asone said:
Hi, I have so many questions I don't know where to start.
Hi, Asone. Welcome. I often hit stages (in life generally!) when I just don't know where to start - have learnt to 'take a deep breath' - then get pen and paper out and write a list!!!!! Could you try the same? Then ask here!!! If someone here can't answer them, they'll no doubt point you in the right direction.....

Take care, love, Karen, (TF), x
 

Rosalind

Registered User
Jul 2, 2005
203
Wiltshire
You know your mum is at the end of her tether, but do you think she puts on a stoical face when seeing the CPN etc? I think a lot of people do, and it is only by showing the case workers just how bad the situation is the right help is made available.
The pen and paper approach is a good idea, so why don't you get your mum to unburden herself to you, and to tell you all the things that are difficult for her, day by day, so you can present a sort of diary to the CPN showing just how bad things are. Written reports do make it into patient's files, and I know our CPN finds it useful. Otherwise, when you see the CPN if the only thing you can say is 'he's been very difficult' without chapter and verse about how on Monday he was threatened by people with guns, on Tuesday he said or did this, on Wednesday he was ok but on Thursday the gunmen returned, it is hard for the professionals to assess just what is going on. Even if you can't see the CPN yourself due to work commitments, you should be able to speak to him/her and send your report.
On a slightly different note, our CPN is no longer allowed to e mail me for some sort of confidentially reasons - has to telephone, which is tricky if husband is in earshot. However, there is nothing to stop me emailing her, so if I have concerns I still can send stuff (again, much easier than having the possibility of being overheard describing a problem, which would usually lead to denials and arguments).
 

asone

Registered User
Jul 21, 2006
8
york
paper + pen

Putting on a brave face is quite probably what my Mum is doing to most outsiders and yes, writing all feelings down will be useful and also hopefully a release. I will suggest this and try to get Mum to show her real face to the world. Thanks. A
 

Amy

Registered User
Jan 4, 2006
3,453
Hiya again Asone,
Speak to either GP or CPN about a Social Worker, they should be able to refer you. An assessment can then be made of both mum and dad's needs. My dad feared Social services being involved, firstly because of the stigma that there used to be, and secondly he feared mum being 'taken away'. Both were nonsense, but real to him. Even if mum and dad don't require outside support yet, it is good to have the system in place for when it is required.
Love Helen
 

Grandaughter 1

Registered User
Jan 17, 2006
141
Hampshire
We found that we had to ask for things to be done rather than they be suggested to us.

The CPN didn't mention social services at all until one day Nan was at the end of her tether re: Grandad and said I want them involved.

They came round for a chat and looked at the bungalow to see what practical help they could provide ie bed rails, bath chair etc. They have arranged a carer to come in every morning to wash and dress Grandad. A place has also been arranged at daycare although Grandad refuses to go!

I would definitely talk to the CPN about it as the more help you can get the better in my opnion!
 

cynron

Registered User
Sep 26, 2005
429
east sussex
Social Worker

I was without a SW for 4 years and when i asked for one i was made to feel i did not realy need one.,but i insisted and already things have been made easier for me. Three hours a week a crossrosads carer and respite stays in a care home:D As has been said before you have to be pushy and stand your ground:rolleyes:

cynron x x