Feeling down and no one to talk to

[Pollywobble]

I just don't know what to expect next! 😕 This morning my poor husband said he didn't know who he was and there was something wrong with his mind, but didn't want to talk about it. So I sat with him, all morning, in bed, just being there for him. We are waiting for an appointment with the Memory Clinic, but in the meantime we have no formal diagnosis. I feel guilty for feeling so down, but I've been by his side for 6 weeks as he lost much of his sight suddenly and that's when it became obvious that something else was wrong. Yesterday he asked me where his wife was! On the plus side, he said she was lovely and was looking after him really well!!

 

[Chaplin]

Hello @Pollywobble, sorry to hear about your husband’s sight loss on top of his other health concerns. It’s so frustrating having to wait for memory clinic appointments.

Have the doctors excluded other potential causes for the sight loss?

To lose one of your senses is hard enough but to also lose most of your sight must be terrifying. My Nan lived with diabetes for many years and the thing she feared most was sight loss!

Do you have any family or friends who can spend time with your husband, even if only for a couple of hours, while you get some time to just break the 24/7 cycle of care? While it’s obvious you are not complaining about being by his side but we are all human and cannot maintain that level of support without topping up our own reserves occasionally.

I do hope you get some answers soon so you know what you are dealing with and can then access the appropriate support for your both. Take care,

 

[Pollywobble]

Hello @Pollywobble, sorry to hear about your husband’s sight loss on top of his other health concerns. It’s so frustrating having to wait for memory clinic appointments.

Have the doctors excluded other potential causes for the sight loss?

To lose one of your senses is hard enough but to also lose most of your sight must be terrifying. My Nan lived with diabetes for many years and the thing she feared most was sight loss!

Do you have any family or friends who can spend time with your husband, even if only for a couple of hours, while you get some time to just break the 24/7 cycle of care? While it’s obvious you are not complaining about being by his side but we are all human and cannot maintain that level of support without topping up our own reserves occasionally.

I do hope you get some answers soon so you know what you are dealing with and can then access the appropriate support for your both. Take care,

Thank you SO much for taking the time to reply Chaplin. He has a detached retina and advanced cataracts, unfortunately. He's awaiting a second attempt at the operation, but I don't know if he'd even manage one now. His mood is so up and down, plus he has hallucinations! We don't know if they are eye related or not.
He won't have anyone else be with him! He gets suspicious of phone calls so I'm a bit stuck really. Thanks anyway. Just having someone put there who has some understanding is appreciated.
We have a visit from Integrated Health Services so I'm hoping to get help then.

 

[leny connery]

Thank you SO much for taking the time to reply Chaplin. He has a detached retina and advanced cataracts, unfortunately. He's awaiting a second attempt at the operation, but I don't know if he'd even manage one now. His mood is so up and down, plus he has hallucinations! We don't know if they are eye related or not.
He won't have anyone else be with him! He gets suspicious of phone calls so I'm a bit stuck really. Thanks anyway. Just having someone put there who has some understanding is appreciated.
We have a visit from Integrated Health Services so I'm hoping to get help then.

 

[leny connery]

When the sight is lost, the brain 'helps' us see,but unfortunately not really seeing anything real, hence the hallucinations. So it was simplistically explained to me by the eye surgeon when my husband li out d sight in his left eye. He too would hate to have any other people to sit with him. Lucky for me, do are I can leave him for short periods of time , safely. Please try, just have a cup of coffee and 'people watch'. Wishbwecqere close by, and could do this together!

 

[AnneL]

I just don't know what to expect next! 😕 This morning my poor husband said he didn't know who he was and there was something wrong with his mind, but didn't want to talk about it. So I sat with him, all morning, in bed, just being there for him. We are waiting for an appointment with the Memory Clinic, but in the meantime we have no formal diagnosis. I feel guilty for feeling so down, but I've been by his side for 6 weeks as he lost much of his sight suddenly and that's when it became obvious that something else was wrong. Yesterday he asked me where his wife was! On the plus side, he said she was lovely and was looking after him really well!!

Pollywobble, I am so sorry to read about your husband and can only imagine what you are going through. I really hope you can get dome answers soon.
I can empathise with the feeling down and feeling a bit guilty about it, without anyone to talk to. I went through the same thing when my OH was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. Although my daughter and I are close and talk about everything its her dad so it took several months before I would tell her what was happening. I also have some close friends who allow me to rant, usually in a text that they dont respond to but gives me a release.

I hope you have someone with whom you could have a similar arrangement. Its simple but really helps. Also, if you can even go iut alone for a hour it really helps.
Sending you hugs and hoping you csn sort something. You are not alone.

 

[Pollywobble]

When the sight is lost, the brain 'helps' us see,but unfortunately not really seeing anything real, hence the hallucinations. So it was simplistically explained to me by the eye surgeon when my husband li out d sight in his left eye. He too would hate to have any other people to sit with him. Lucky for me, do are I can leave him for short periods of time , safely. Please try, just have a cup of coffee and 'people watch'. Wishbwecqere close by, and could do this together!

Thank you SO for taking the time to reply to my comments. That makes sense about the hallucinations. Unfortunately I can't leave him at the moment because he has had some black thoughts, but hopefully he'll be calmer eventually. The thought of going for a cuppa sounds lovely. Hopefully I can do that in time. Strangely, we got to a shop yesterday and he came in with me. He hasn't done this for weeks and it was lovely. So fingers crossed!🤞

 

[Pollywobble]

Pollywobble, I am so sorry to read about your husband and can only imagine what you are going through. I really hope you can get dome answers soon.
I can empathise with the feeling down and feeling a bit guilty about it, without anyone to talk to. I went through the same thing when my OH was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. Although my daughter and I are close and talk about everything its her dad so it took several months before I would tell her what was happening. I also have some close friends who allow me to rant, usually in a text that they dont respond to but gives me a release.

I hope you have someone with whom you could have a similar arrangement. Its simple but really helps. Also, if you can even go iut alone for a hour it really helps.
Sending you hugs and hoping you csn sort something. You are not alone.

Thank you SO much for taking the time to reply. Just knowing that somebody knows something of what I am experiencing is a comfort. I am very close to my mum, so I am able to share so much with her, but we can't talk in front of him and can't go out, which I really miss. The daughters are less aware of what is happening because he is more lucid with them. However he gets very anxious afterwards. I haven't really admitted it to anyone else because we are still waiting for a diagnosis. Being able to go out alone sounds lovely and in time may be possible. Luckily we have a garden which I find an oasis for now. I'll do more of that. Thank you. 😊

 

[leny connery]

Thank you SO for taking the time to reply to my comments. That makes sense about the hallucinations. Unfortunately I can't leave him at the moment because he has had some black thoughts, but hopefully he'll be calmer eventually. The thought of going for a cuppa sounds lovely. Hopefully I can do that in time. Strangely, we got to a shop yesterday and he came in with me. He hasn't done this for weeks and it was lovely. So fingers crossed!🤞

I know. We have had a lovely weekend. Normal. having a laugh, lunch with friends, going to bed together. then boom! this morning I am his mum again. I should know better, but felt so let down and disappointed. and sad. I know he cannot help it, and looking at him so bewildered and trying to hug 'mum' and comforted her, made me feel even more of a heel for not just play along and be grateful that as mum I am still loved and respected.it is a roller coaster, my dear, highs and lows. I am trying to just go with the ride.

 

[Pollywobble]

I know. We have had a lovely weekend. Normal. having a laugh, lunch with friends, going to bed together. then boom! this morning I am his mum again. I should know better, but felt so let down and disappointed. and sad. I know he cannot help it, and looking at him so bewildered and trying to hug 'mum' and comforted her, made me feel even more of a heel for not just play along and be grateful that as mum I am still loved and respected.it is a roller coaster, my dear, highs and lows. I am trying to just go with the ride.

Sorry to hear what you are going through. The roller coaster is a good description. I can't believe the ups and downs that change so often. I treasure the good moments as he seems down quite a lot. I try to keep smiling!