• Expert Q&A: Rare dementias - Tues 3 March, 3-4pm

    Our next expert Q&A will be on the topic of rare dementias. It will be hosted by Nikki and Seb from Rare Dementia Support. If you have any questions about rare dementias, they will be here to answer them on Tuesday 3 March between 3-4pm.

    You can either post your question >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.

Feeling A Bit Sad

ROSEANN

Registered User
Oct 1, 2006
909
71
staffordshire
Today was a good day.
Took my husband to a local garden and retail village and arrived just as Santa arrived and watched the fun as they tried to get one of his elves down from the roof.
Then we went to have coffee and cake and as I watched my lovely husband trying to eat his cake and it was like looking at a two year old learning to hold a fork, it took me all my time not to cry as I realised just how quickly things are going downbank and how childlike he is becoming.
So although it was a good day I still feel a bit sad.
Roseann
 

connie

Registered User
Mar 7, 2004
9,519
Frinton-on-Sea
Roseann, hope you feel a little better for sharing your thoughts with us.

Yes, it is so very hard watching as abilities slip. Try to hang on to the better bits of the outing.

(p.s. Haven't seen santa yet myself. Hope I find one, complete with elves:))
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
70,406
Kent
Dear Roseann,

I know just what you mean.

My husband also struggles with a knife and fork now. The angle is all wrong and the food falls off. When he`s at home, he doesn`t bother, and neither do I. I now set the table for him with a spoon as well as a knife and fork, so it`s there if he needs it.

He managed well the other night when we went out for dinner, and I was so relieved.

We hurt for them.

Love xx
 

English Lady

Registered User
Jan 14, 2007
23
Essex
Hi Connie!

I really feel for you and could never understand how it must feel to watch your husband decline. I work in a large dementia care home and my job is to focus on what people with dementia can still do - and highlight it.

I take great delight in bringing out their remaining abilities, such as the people in our home who can still play a keyboard. I love to see how it heightens their self esteem.

I am sure your husband still has abilities, talents and qualities that remain. You may not think they are there but believe me, they will be.

As one who genuinely cares for these people I see families suffer as they watch their loved one change but we who work in such places have never experienced the person they were before.

But I can assure you that we love them for what they are NOW. These are very special people and your husband is also.

You are also a very special, unique person and I am sure your husband knows you are doing your very best for him - and loves you for it.

One thing I do know about people with dementia - they have often still got their emotions and deep feelings intact, despite the apparent confusion and I feel sure this must also be true of your husband.

God bless you and I hope you are receiving support and help from those close to you. I feel so much for relatives - the health professionals seem to forget them.

All the best, Kim
 

Tina

Registered User
May 19, 2006
420
I remember watching my darling nan and aunty on this road. While I was always pleased to realise what they could still do when I visited, I used to be heartbroken every time I saw what was being lost as well.

I remember nan not knowing how to make a cup of tea any more. I remember going for coffee with my aunty and uncle and Aunty Jean didn't know what the teaspoon was for. She looked at me and I helped and I'll never forget the expression on my uncle's face...so much sadness and pain.

And then there are people like Kim and the carers and nurses in my nan's and gramps' nh and the hospital where my aunty was treated and it was because of you that their last months and weeks and days were made comfortable and they were surrounded by kindness. For that, there can never be enough thanks.

Tina x
 

Margarita

Registered User
Feb 17, 2006
10,824
london
Yes I found that hard going seeing my mother lose the ability of using a fork when eating a cake she just stuff it in to her mouth , I was quit shock at that as I never new back then that it happen with this disease

I still give her a , fork but she eats with her hands picks at the food , but can still use a spoon to eat her cereal, on a good day she use the , fork , they getting further a part and she ask me to cut her food up and she uses the fork only
 

elaineo2

Registered User
Jul 6, 2007
945
leigh lancashire
So sorry and glad for you at the same time.Watching the decline is the hardest part in my eyes.But you sound like a trooper and wil no doubt have more days that you enjoy.The fact you accept the decline as part of the disease is also worth commending.How anyone copes with this diseaseday in and day out deserves a medal.
take care and i hope the good days outweigh the bad.
love elainex
 

Taffy

Registered User
Apr 15, 2007
1,314
Dear Roseann,

Glad that your day was good and I can also relate to your sadness it is so heartbreaking watching the Alz decline. My mum doesn't manage her knife or fork real good either and at times she spills the food. Take Care Taffy.
 

margaritaadios

Registered User
Aug 13, 2007
25
Portsmouth
Dear friend it is very sad to see them fall into the unknown. My mother in law memory is so bad that when she is reading a book, she has to start from the beginning each time because she does not remember what she has read or every time we have a good time, she does not remember any of it. However, not everything is bad we still enjoy time together and that sort of memory cannot be forgotten.

All the good time that you have enjoyed with your husband, keep them in your heart that will make you content by the day and stronger for whatever is coming next.

Yours truly,
Marjorie Bye:)
 

Norman

Registered User
Oct 9, 2003
4,348
Birmingham Hades
Roseann
one thought that will always remain in my mind.
Whilst our elder Son was feeding his Mom,he remarked"My Mother fed me but I never dreamed that I would emd up feeding my Mother"
Sad
Norman
 

christine_batch

Registered User
Jul 31, 2007
3,388
Buckinghamshire
Decline is so hard to bear

As Peter is in a E.M.I. Unit, the decline has been so rapid. On Friday, I stayed for afternoon tea with him. I was so choked up that I could not digest the food. At the age of 62, he looks like a man in his 90's. The N.H. and the Carers' have been so supportive.
Reading Kim's message and Elaine's from their perspective - the person they are now. I have been told that Peter must have been a lovely, gentle, caring mand before A.D. Yes he was. In the family we always refered to Peter as the Good Samaritan. Although he broke a £2,000 T.V. by pushing it over, stacking furniture and climbing up it, stripping off the wallpaper - oh boy can you see where Peter has been. Don't worry say the staff. Perhaps in his mind he is back to the time when he was a painter/decorator for 29 years?
Consultant was interested in that part. I just want my husband tobe free of the suffering. I know many of you would want the same for your loved ones. When my youngest daughter knew what was happening, she said if Peter had a ladder, they could say, that bit up there need painting, that wallpaper needs sticking back. Perhaps she has a good point. We get to the point whereby we cannot think straight. Best wishes to everyone. Christine