1. Q&A: Lasting Power of Attorney (LPA) - Thursday 27 Sept, 3-4pm

    Power of attorney (LPA) is a legal tool that gives another adult - often a carer or family member - the legal authority to make decisions on behalf of someone with dementia, if they become unable to themselves.

    Our next expert Q&A will be hosted by Flora and Helen from our Knowledge Services team. They will be answering your questions on LPA on Thursday 27 September from 3-4pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

Feel so helpless

Discussion in 'Middle - later stages of dementia' started by CatPR1, Sep 13, 2018.

  1. CatPR1

    CatPR1 New member

    Sep 13, 2018
    Hi, My mum lives an hour away from me at the moment and I Am her only daughter we lost my Dad 6 years and shortly after this she was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. The heartbreaking truth is that I don’t feel like I ever got to grieve for my Dad passing away as my Mum didn’t cope very well and here we are now 6 years on and now mid way through Alzheimer’s. She lives in a warden controlled flat at present owned by the Cathedral and 2 weeks ago on my Father In Laws funeral I had a letter from the cathedral basically saying that they’d heRd reports of Mum very confused knocking on doors and wondering early in the morning etc.. due to this they felt she could no longer stay where she was and I had to find her a home.
    She was 70 on Sunday she doesn’t know she has to move and will be heartbroken I don’t know how to tell her. As social services are funding and she is class3d as an emergency they want to place her locally to where she lives even to the point I had a phone call to say they will take her tomorrow. I’m really struggling with all this and can’t get my head round how quickly this has com3 about. I work full time and have 2 small children. I have looked locally by me for homes but a lot don’t have any beds. It’s just so sad all of it.
  2. Normaleila

    Normaleila Registered User

    Jun 4, 2016
    Hi CarPR1
    I'm so sorry you're facing this. Hope all goes well today.
    It sounds as though your mother gets confused and distressed, which is not unusual in dementia. Now that she's started wandering she's very vulnerable and it probably is best for her to have 24 hour care.
    She'll be warm, safe and fed in the home - that's what I kept telling myself when my aunt went into her home.
    Please don't feel guilty - this not your 'fault'. I hope it all goes smoothly and you can soon see that the move was for the best.
    Let us know how it goes.
  3. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    South coast
    Hello @CatPR1 and welcome to Talking Point.

    The most important thing at the moment is that your Mum is kept safe. As Normaleila says, once they get to the stage of being very confused and start knocking on other peoples doors and wandering during the night they are not safe. This happened to my mum too, so I know how heartbreaking it is, but a care home will undoubtedly be the best place for her.

    As this is an emergency placement I think you will just have to accept wherever there is space for the time being, but you could look for other places, maybe get her name on the waiting list of a couple of them and (while you are waiting for her name to come up) work with the Local Authority to get her moved. I dont know your mums financial details, but moving her will be easier if she will be self-funded and also if you hold Health & Welfare POA.
  4. Jale

    Jale Registered User

    Jul 9, 2018
    Hi CatPR1,

    If your Mum does ask why she has to move then tell her a white lie - tell her there is a problem with her flat or it needs some work done - whatever works (I've got fairly good at lying to my Mum). Good luck and be kind to yourself

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