feel like screaming today!

[just_dolphin]

Hi again

I feel bad for writing this here as i read other posts and people seem to be going through much worse thigns than me. I just don't know where else to write. My friends are wonderful and offer support but they don't really understand whats going on. Mum has early onset alzhiemers. Some days you wouldnt even think there was anything wrong really but lately she seems to be so emotional. she seems to have very little judgement of time either. thigns seem so much longer to her than they actually are.

I don't really think i am coping very well with the whole situation. we have had two huge arguments in the past week which resulted in us shouting at each other then my mum crying and ignoring me. When i say i dont want to argue and i dont enjoy it she shrugs and basically says she thinks i do I find myself saying sorry just to keep the peace. And maybe I am in the wrong, maybe i am expecting to much. I just dont know anymore. Im 28 and i feel like my life has suddenly been planned out for me and i cant do anything because it will effect what i need to do for my mum. I know that sounds awfully selfish and of course i want to help and i will, i just feel well i dont know. am i just being a selfish person My mum has a partner which stays with her 2-3 nights a week and hes lovely, but mum doesnt want to put on him she seems to want me to do everything i aske dher about it and she just says well hes not that young either i cant expect him to do everything. arrggh sorry i am ramberling.

xx

 

[CollegeGirl]

Hello Just Dolphin - can I say that no, you are most certainly not being selfish. Goodness, at 28 I was living my own life and none of us had any thought of dementia - you are entitled to just the same and if your mum was truly well she would want that for you too, I am sure.

With dementia, nobody is in the wrong. It's just something that happens, that's extremely difficult to understand, hard to live with and heartbreaking to watch.

You, we, would be saints if we never snapped, shouted or had arguments.

Do you or your mum have any sort of outside support, from other family members, social services, etc? Both you and your mum are entitled to have assessments done on the support you need, your mum as a sufferer, and you as a carer. Social Services is the way to go for this to be done, so it would be worth contacting them to arrange for this to be done, as a first step, and take it from there.

Keep posting, and we will be with you all the way xx

 

[Miss Merlot]

Hi just dolphin,

I am also just 32 and live with an ever present rage and resentment that half my life seems to consist of running after someone else's dementia (not my mum but my MIL).

I would say put yourself first and get some help in - though have to say am not much good at practicing what I preach there...

MM x

 

[Lindy50]

Hi Just Dolphin

I feel so much for you. At 28 you would hope still to be able to lean a bit on your mum for support - and suddenly that is all being turned on its head for you

You are definitely not being selfish. It does sound, though, as if you need a bit of support. Are you having any help from wider family or from professionals? As CollegeGirl said, it would be good to get a carers assessment if you haven't had one yet. You are entitled to support under the Carers (Equal Opportunities) Act - I hope you get some soon.

All the best

Lindy xx

 

[velocity]

Hi Dolphin

I feel for you, it is very difficult for all. (I am twice your age) and I feel cheated by this disease.
Your by no means selfish.
Lots of hugs to you xxx

 

[just_dolphin]

hi
thank you so much for your support and adviuce.
Since I posted this I have asked for an assessment on myself, im just waiting to hear back. Mum has also been referred to talk to someone about it as I don;t think she is accepting it at all really. Also she is now in the process of going to a day centre once a week which is great.
Things seem to be pretty cvalm right now and things are moving in the right direction. I just need to find a way of dealing with this myself.

Its funny because before mum was diagnosed I never saw anything about dementia anywhere and now it seems to be everywhere I turn :S Obviously it is a good thing that awareness is happening of course. But sometimes i feel like hididng away fromt he world because I just dont want to know. I hope that doesnt sound awful.
xx