Father wants his bank card

[Pez13]

Hello I'm new to the site and this is my first post so forgive me if this has been asked previously.

My Dad was diagnosed with Vascular Dementia last year. He is currently at the very forgetful stage for example what he had lunch, what he's been doing that day.
My Mom cares for him and most of the time things are fine. However, his bank card is a major issue. My Mom would take care of it for him due to him misplacing and losing things but, once every couple of weeks he starts demanding the card from her. He states it's his card and his money and he wants the card. He would get nasty towards my Mom, not violent, and then would get upset, quiet and down until he forgets about it. This is starting to happen more regularly. I would chat with him and try and explain why Mom is keeping the card safe (he was nearly scammed last year on-line and he has left the card in cash machines and in shops when paying for goods).

I wondered if anyone else has had this problem?
I had thought about getting him a fake bank card, but then there is an issue when he does go to the bank to withdraw cash. My Mom would be with him, but she would need to switch the cards.

Any help would be appreciated.

 

[Grannie G]

My husband was very worried about access to money too. It was about independence and sucurity in his case.

Does your father remember his pin number @Pez13?

My husband couldn`t remember his pin number so we agreed he would have a certain amount of cash in his wallet at all times. When we went to the bank and he felt unable to conduct the transactions himself, he was so embarrassed he stayed outside while I did what had to be done.

I don`t know what stage your dad is at Pez or whether your mother has Power of Attorney. Perhaps your mum could arrange with the bank to change the pin number and allow your dad to keep the old card with the old pin number.

So much depends on your father`s memory and need for independence.

Welcome to the forum. I`m sure you will get many different suggestions and then be able to work with the one best suited to you.

 

[canary]

How often would he actually go to the bank to withdraw money?
I have a feeling that what he wants is just the knowledge that he has the card - that it represents the independence that he wants back. If this is so, perhaps his card could be cancelled, but him keep the old card and your mum keep the new one. OH keeps wanting to know where his cheque book is, even though there is nothing he can use cheques for at the moment.

If he would actually use the card, one way round this is for someone with POA to open up an account for him with a limited amount of money in it, no overdraft and a card, so that there is less money that he could lose. Any card that he has should have the three digit number on the back scratched out so that he cannot give it out over the phone or on-line.

If this is not possible and he just cant have a card, dont try explaining why he cant have one. He will be unable to understand the reality of his situation, will not believe that has been scammed or left money/card in the machine/shops and thinks that you are lying to him and trying to control him. Try using "love lies" instead. When he asks where his card is, try blaming the bank - they are issuing new cards to everyone and you are waiting for his to arrive. That way, he has an explanation that doesnt contradict his image of himself.

 

[imthedaughter]

Oh, you're in the US, right? You don't have chip and pin like the UK, it's all signature, is that right?

If dad can still sign I think a new checking account might be a good idea especially if you or mom can set it up for him. Then keep a small amount in it so any scammer risk is reduced and he can have a card of his own. Might that work?

What's the American system of power of attorney?

 

[Pez13]

Thanks very much for the replies.
The idea of opening another bank account with limited amount of money in it may work.
I do think the big issue is the loss of independence. He had Previously worked all over the world and he has lost that now and I do think it frustrates him.

Once again thanks for the replies and I am in the UK.