Family not accepting end of life

[LLiria]

Hello, I found this forum when looking for information about end stage.,as I'm positive this is where my mother in law is at.
I am the " daughter in law " and find my input doesn't really count so am watching from the side lines.
My mum in law is again hospitalised for another chest infection and after a week of antibiotic therapy is not responding. The doctors have suggested. Stopping treatment But her daughter ( my sister in law ) doesn't want to.
Mum hasn't walked for weeks ,can t eat ,Mostly sleeps.won't drink and is uncommunicative.
Her husband is elderly and drained and my husband doesn't know how to react.
I visited today after not seeing her for a few weeks and I was shocked at her deterioration, I feel she's dying. I'm upset because no one is saying it and maybe there is false hope ?
I feel upset for mum but because I'm not her blood daughter I feel limited in getting an honest Doctors opinion.
Ironically we didn't always get on but now I feel so sad for how this has turned out and I'm surprised at how upset I am.
Thanks for listening

 

[karaokePete]

Hello @LLiria, you are welcome here and I am sure you will get support through this distressing time.

This stage is very difficult as it is difficult for many people to 'let go', as you seem to be finding.

I wish you the strength you need and have little doubt that someone who has been through what you are now experiencing will be along to give the benefit of their experience.

Now that you have found us I hope you will continue to post and get support.

 

[canary]

((((((hugs)))))) @LLiria
If the doctors have tried your MIL with antibiotics and she is not responding, then there is isnt really anywhere else to go.
I think you are probably right when you she that you think that she is dying, although sometimes they can surprise you. Im sorry her daughter isnt accepting this, but it is a hard thing and she will need your support when the inevitable decline happens.

 

[Kikki21]

Hi @LLiria i’m so sorry you & your family are going through this. It really is not an easy time.
Can you talk to your husband about what you feel?
From what you say then it seems likely that your mum in law is at end of life & all the antibiotics in the world will not help.
My mum had had several recurrent infections towards the end of her life, seemed to respond to antibiotics ok but then the time she went into hospital then 2 lots of antibiotics & an IV fluid were having no response.
She got aspiration pneumonia as well even when on antibiotics & was bedridden, sleeping a lot & not wanting to eat or drink much.

It was an awful decision to make but the drs, myself, my fiancé & my cousin all made it & decided that the best thing for my mum was to stop treatment & go onto the syringe driver.

There were times that my mum seemed to rally & it was agonising thinking had we made the right decision but those rallies were brief & then we reached a time of decline where my mum was barely conscious. She was on the syringe driver for just over a week & lived much longer than anyone though she would do... everyone thought she would pass away within 48hrs. Big hugs to you all. Xx

 

[LLiria]

Hi @LLiria i’m so sorry you & your family are going through this. It really is not an easy time.
Can you talk to your husband about what you feel?
From what you say then it seems likely that your mum in law is at end of life & all the antibiotics in the world will not help.
My mum had had several recurrent infections towards the end of her life, seemed to respond to antibiotics ok but then the time she went into hospital then 2 lots of antibiotics & an IV fluid were having no response.
She got aspiration pneumonia as well even when on antibiotics & was bedridden, sleeping a lot & not wanting to eat or drink much.

It was an awful decision to make but the drs, myself, my fiancé & my cousin all made it & decided that the best thing for my mum was to stop treatment & go onto the syringe driver.

There were times that my mum seemed to rally & it was agonising thinking had we made the right decision but those rallies were brief & then we reached a time of decline where my mum was barely conscious. She was on the syringe driver for just over a week & lived much longer than anyone though she would do... everyone thought she would pass away within 48hrs. Big hugs to you all. Xx

Thank you for your reply. Reading your experience it's seems very similar to what's happened /happening with my MIL. I have discussed things with my hubby but he s the sort who keeps his own feelings hidden but he understands I'm upset. It feels like holding a breath waiting for something to happen - good or bad
Reading through this forum I realise how many families are affected by this awful disease.
Thanks again

 

[LLiria]

((((((hugs)))))) @LLiria
If the doctors have tried your MIL with antibiotics and she is not responding, then there is isnt really anywhere else to go.
I think you are probably right when you she that you think that she is dying, although sometimes they can surprise you. Im sorry her daughter isnt accepting this, but it is a hard thing and she will need your support when the inevitable decline happens.

Thanks for reply. I'm glad I found this forum as it's helped me with how I feel.
This awful disease affects the whole family and it's something I didn't know a lot about until it happened. Reading other people's stories it seems there are similar issues.
Thanks