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Family divided over treatment but no LPA Halth and Welfare

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Mariefleur, Dec 7, 2015.

  1. Mariefleur

    Mariefleur Registered User

    Sep 23, 2014
    Sorry for this long post - bear with me. My mum is now in the moderate stage of dementia and was diagnosed last July 2014. She was prescribed Donepezil (Aricept) and took it for 4 weeks August/Sept 2014. My 3 sisters (one of whom is a nurse) and brother did not want her to take it based on my 3 sisters opinions that they thought she seemed more agitated for the 4 weeks she took it. I did not agree with their opinion as I was living with and caring for my mum at the time.
    We do not have Lasting Power of Attorney Health and Welfare. I stopped caring for my mum in March 2015 this year as I became too stressed. We had collectively agreed to employ carers to look after my mum at home at the time, however one sister, the nurse, overruled this, came to live with my mum for 2 months and then my sisters decided to put mum into a residential home. Mum did not settle in the home and ran away repeatedly as she was in the residential not the secure dementia wing. The home said they couldn't keep her in the residential side, so my sisters moved her to another residential home in the same town my nurse sister (I did not agree with this choice as it was not a specialist place). Mum only stayed there 4 weeks as she deteriorated rapidly. She has now been moved again for a the 3rd time in 7 months back to her own home and my nurse sister is now living there trying to set up carers in the home. This is full circle and back to what we agreed in March but she overruled it. My mum has deteriorated considerably in the past 18 months and is still not receiving any specialist medication despite my frequent requests to my sisters and brother and reminders that we have no authority to decide this. I have however just obtained agreement from all 4 to request a reassessment (via her GP) by the specialist consultants. I don't think the GP or Consultants are aware that we don't have LPA Health and Welfare. I would like to advise them of this and the history of mum as described above as I am not confident my sister nurse who is in situ will do this and be objective. What do you advise? I am very concerned that due to my family not agreeing to medication mum has deteriorated in the past year. Are the consultants able to overule them and prescribe medication? Also are my siblings in trouble legally for refusing her meds when they had no authority?
  2. nitram

    nitram Registered User

    Apr 6, 2011
    North Manchester
    Did, and does, your mother have capacity to make decisions about medication and where she lives?
  3. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    Hi Mariefleur
    your poor mum is really having a tough time, isn't she
    and I'm sure your siblings are finding things tough too
    I feel for you, these family disagreements are so hard to work through

    I don't know the answer to your last question - and I guess nitram has asked because that may have a bearing on how the professionals may respond, having a duty to act in your mother's best interests

    also, if your mother still has capacity to agree to LPAs, it may be worth doing them, though I wonder who you would all have as the Attorneys - strictly it would be your mother's choice (I wonder who is dealing with her finances - and in what capacity? - has her house been empty for 7 months?)

    as your siblings have agreed to YOU organising a reassessment, then part of that would be to fully apprise those involved of your mother's situation, in my opinion

    if meds were prescribed, is your mother able to take them herself (I am inferring this is not the case), if not .... ??

    I admit to being phased by your account - and don't know enough to 'give advice' - however it feels to me that you may need to step in and assert your mother's right - though I hesitate to write that as I worry what flack may then hit the air

    sorry - don't think I've been helpful at all - but send much sympathy
  4. Mariefleur

    Mariefleur Registered User

    Sep 23, 2014
    Thanks for replying. Re if mum had mental capacity to decide, she has not been formally assessed as having mental capacity but I would say she did last August however my nurse sister wanted to stop the medication and mum went along with it, and my other 2 sisters and brother backed it. My nurse sister is mum's favourite and mum takes the lead from her. Re has mum mental capacity now to decide if she takes meds, no she hasn't.
    Regarding re whether mum had capacity to decide where she lived in last August, I again would say she did however she had refused carers in her home, hence why my husband and I went to live there with her agreement. When this came to an end in March as I couldn't carry on looking after mum, I would say mum's capacity to make decisions for herself had eroded however she made it clear she wanted to live with either of my 3 sisters in their homes however they did not want this.
    My siblings and I agreed it would be best to try carers in her home again, however my nurse sister in the end overuled this agreement and arranged for her to live in the first and then second residential home. Neither worked out and my sister has influenced the decision to move mum back to family home 2 weeks ago where she is trying to set up carers now. I would say my mum does not have mental capacity now to decide.
  5. Mariefleur

    Mariefleur Registered User

    Sep 23, 2014
    Thanks very much for your thoughtful reply. Yes this is such a difficult situation for us all and caring for my mum has become a bit of a battleground. From both yours and Nitram's posts, I am positive mum does not have capacity now and assume a reassessment will confirm this? My nurse sister is at present living with my mum and will be requesting the GPO make the referral not me however I will want to be present at the consultants appoitment. We will then have to take advice from there re meds and this assessment may influence also where mum lives or how.

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