Aaagh. Just typed all this out once but my log-in ran out so I've had to start again!
Anyway, my Dad is 64 and was diagnosed with vascular dementia 4 years ago.
I have a brother. My mum is his carer and they live at home. He goes to a care home twice a week.
Recently, he's started struggling getting dressed in the morning, writing, and social skills are diminishing fast so mum gets v.embarrassed when she takes him out. He can't do any jobs around the house anymore so he pretty much just sits in front of the tv all day.
Mum is in her 50's and is really struggling with caring, and the prospect of caring until she reaches old age. She no longer sees Dad as her husband, just someone she looks after. Me and my brother have tried to support her as much as we can but its not doing much good. The subject of a permanent care home has now arisen.
I'm not happy about this at all.
I'm sorry, but if I worked all my life and then when I got ill at 60 my family put me in a home I'd be absolutely gutted. I'd be crushed to see him in a home now becuase I know he would wonder why on earth he can't just keep living with mum. And I would feel like I'd abandoned him. But what say do I have? As me and my brother can't give up work to care for him.
I feel like the family is on the verge of a meltdown and I'm desparately trying to keep him at home as long as possible. Does anyone have any views on the affect that going from a family home to a care home would have on the illness? I.e woudl it make him get worse quicker? Could I use his MMSE score as a debator? i.e lets wait until he gets to x score then consider it. Also, at what sort of stage would people be normally expected to go into a home? (i.e scores of 15-20 or 10-15). I know I'm tring to make it black and white, and I understand it all comes down to the carer at the end of the day but I'm his daughter so must have some say. I'm afraid that if I resist too much she'll just give up and leave him - then where would we be?
I'll tell you what though, these forums are amazing therapy. Just to see that your not the only one dealing with this.
Any views would be welcome.
xx
Anyway, my Dad is 64 and was diagnosed with vascular dementia 4 years ago.
I have a brother. My mum is his carer and they live at home. He goes to a care home twice a week.
Recently, he's started struggling getting dressed in the morning, writing, and social skills are diminishing fast so mum gets v.embarrassed when she takes him out. He can't do any jobs around the house anymore so he pretty much just sits in front of the tv all day.
Mum is in her 50's and is really struggling with caring, and the prospect of caring until she reaches old age. She no longer sees Dad as her husband, just someone she looks after. Me and my brother have tried to support her as much as we can but its not doing much good. The subject of a permanent care home has now arisen.
I'm not happy about this at all.
I'm sorry, but if I worked all my life and then when I got ill at 60 my family put me in a home I'd be absolutely gutted. I'd be crushed to see him in a home now becuase I know he would wonder why on earth he can't just keep living with mum. And I would feel like I'd abandoned him. But what say do I have? As me and my brother can't give up work to care for him.
I feel like the family is on the verge of a meltdown and I'm desparately trying to keep him at home as long as possible. Does anyone have any views on the affect that going from a family home to a care home would have on the illness? I.e woudl it make him get worse quicker? Could I use his MMSE score as a debator? i.e lets wait until he gets to x score then consider it. Also, at what sort of stage would people be normally expected to go into a home? (i.e scores of 15-20 or 10-15). I know I'm tring to make it black and white, and I understand it all comes down to the carer at the end of the day but I'm his daughter so must have some say. I'm afraid that if I resist too much she'll just give up and leave him - then where would we be?
I'll tell you what though, these forums are amazing therapy. Just to see that your not the only one dealing with this.
Any views would be welcome.
xx