Yesterday I managed to control myself through all the frustration of repeated meaningless remarks and questions, obsessive compulsive behaviour, interference whilst I do work which she once did but can no longer, the aroma associated with babies' nappies arising from her efforts to deny incontinence, until bedtime. Her bedtime routine includes putting on bedsocks and clean panties, neither of which can ever be found. I'm in bed reading my book and see her searching in her drawers. "What are you looking for?" I ask. She cannot find the word but produces a pair of socks. "Your socks are here by your pillow; I just put the there," I say. "If it's panties you want, I put a load of fresh ones in the cupboard in your footstool." She doesn't understand me. I put down my book and get out of bed and point. "There!" I shout. Instant shame. I've held my patience all day long and lost it now, at the very end. I give her a kiss and a cuddle and say, "I'm sorry. I try not but I shouted. I should not and I'm sorry." She's already forgotten so there's no upset there. I cannot instantly forget and I'm ashamed of myself...again.
Failed at bedtime
- Thread starter Charliepicken
- Start date
You`ve described the frustration so well @Charliepicken. Not much comfort to you to be understood by fellow carers I`m sure but sadly it`s all we can offer.
It always seems to happen at night time or bed time when at the end of a long day we are all tired and our patience is limited.
My husband used to pack to go home, crumpling up his freshly ironed shirts into an Asda plastic bag or any other supermarket bag he could find because I`d hidden our suitcases in the garage.
When he was asleep I`d take the shirts out of the bags and hang them back in the wardrobe so there'd be no reminder when he woke in the morning.
We all know the right and best ways to behave and manage most of the time. No need for shame when we are found wanting occasionally.
It always seems to happen at night time or bed time when at the end of a long day we are all tired and our patience is limited.
My husband used to pack to go home, crumpling up his freshly ironed shirts into an Asda plastic bag or any other supermarket bag he could find because I`d hidden our suitcases in the garage.
When he was asleep I`d take the shirts out of the bags and hang them back in the wardrobe so there'd be no reminder when he woke in the morning.
We all know the right and best ways to behave and manage most of the time. No need for shame when we are found wanting occasionally.
@Charliepicken It can drive you mad so don't beat yourself up too much. I remember the hunt for dads cardigan which he had to have right now. I eventually found it and handed it to him and he said 'that's not mine, never seen that before in my life'
hi @Charliepicken
it sounds as though you may be in need of more support
your wife is entitled to an assessment of her care needs by your Local Authority Adult Services, from this a care package will be suggested which may include home care visits (eg a bedtime visit to help your wife get ready for bed, morning visit to help her use the bathroom, wash, dress and have breakfast), day care and respite, maybe a companion visit ... to take some of the strain from you ... might you also consider having a cleaner once a week
with my dad, there came the time when it was simpler for the both of us if I laid out all his clothes ready for him so he could see the order to put them on, and had a laundry basket in easy reach for clothes being taken off ... then I handed him each item as he needed it ... and offered to help him undress and dress, suggesting that the button etc were just a bit fiddly ... eventually I had everything ready and simply helped him with each item, telling him what I was doing and what I wanted him to do ... it took some of my time but actually saved time and upset for us both
it sounds as though you may be in need of more support
your wife is entitled to an assessment of her care needs by your Local Authority Adult Services, from this a care package will be suggested which may include home care visits (eg a bedtime visit to help your wife get ready for bed, morning visit to help her use the bathroom, wash, dress and have breakfast), day care and respite, maybe a companion visit ... to take some of the strain from you ... might you also consider having a cleaner once a week
with my dad, there came the time when it was simpler for the both of us if I laid out all his clothes ready for him so he could see the order to put them on, and had a laundry basket in easy reach for clothes being taken off ... then I handed him each item as he needed it ... and offered to help him undress and dress, suggesting that the button etc were just a bit fiddly ... eventually I had everything ready and simply helped him with each item, telling him what I was doing and what I wanted him to do ... it took some of my time but actually saved time and upset for us both
