My 78 year old mother has recently been diagnosed as being in the early stages of AD. She is widowed and lives 250 miles from me. Her only son estranged himself from the family about 9 years ago. Mum and I are close so I have no problem at all in being her caregiver.
Mum is struggling to accept her diagnosis and its consequences - the symptoms and changes however continue.
So far we have managed to make some practical decisions and changes. LPA and wills were fairly straightforward and easy to arrange. I'm feeling much less anxious about how we can protect her future security now.
We have made an in-principle decision to sell her house and buy another close to me where she can have a life as independent from me as possible for as long as possible but can also see me whenever she needs to.
Her own house sold very quickly indeed but we are really struggling to find a new one that meets her long list of requirements. Compromise is spoken about a lot but never acted on. We've viewed over 20 properties now and something has been wrong with each one. Mum will not contemplate renting a house until she finds one she likes - I sort of understand that as she is of a generation for whom the insecurity of renting was something they remember from their childhoods and thought they'd left behind forever. Living with me, except for a fairly short period, is not a practical option as Mum and my husband find each other difficult.
So I'm making a 500 mile round trip to spend part of each week with her and my marriage, home life and business are suffering. I am also concerned that I'm spending my energies on driving when they would be better invested in Mum herself.
Mum has always made buying decisions emotionally - and some of them have been cracking decisions too. The cool headed logic was always Dad's side of the decision. Now, bewildered, frightened and daunted, her responses seem irrational and perverse. I am desperate to get this sorted out but if I push things she becomes angry and argumentative and she is more than capable of cancelling the whole plan in a fit of temper.
She is also struggling with her medical care which does seem fragmentary. Between an ever changing GP practice, a memory clinic where she has never seen a doctor; been treated with unfeeling contempt by a nurse and only has four weekly contact with a health support worker - the system seems to be designed to maximise confusion and bewilderment. I feel until I am there every day, taking notes and keeping stories straight we are not going to get on top of this.
I cannot be the only person this has happened to. I'd be grateful for any advice or experience from other children who have had to make their way through this to a more manageable situation. I am aware that the AD and its consequences are only going to get worse and I am desperate to eradicate what hassles we can now to create more space and energy to deal with the challenges that lie ahead.
All help very gratefully accepted. Specifically:
Thank you all.
Mum is struggling to accept her diagnosis and its consequences - the symptoms and changes however continue.
So far we have managed to make some practical decisions and changes. LPA and wills were fairly straightforward and easy to arrange. I'm feeling much less anxious about how we can protect her future security now.
We have made an in-principle decision to sell her house and buy another close to me where she can have a life as independent from me as possible for as long as possible but can also see me whenever she needs to.
Her own house sold very quickly indeed but we are really struggling to find a new one that meets her long list of requirements. Compromise is spoken about a lot but never acted on. We've viewed over 20 properties now and something has been wrong with each one. Mum will not contemplate renting a house until she finds one she likes - I sort of understand that as she is of a generation for whom the insecurity of renting was something they remember from their childhoods and thought they'd left behind forever. Living with me, except for a fairly short period, is not a practical option as Mum and my husband find each other difficult.
So I'm making a 500 mile round trip to spend part of each week with her and my marriage, home life and business are suffering. I am also concerned that I'm spending my energies on driving when they would be better invested in Mum herself.
Mum has always made buying decisions emotionally - and some of them have been cracking decisions too. The cool headed logic was always Dad's side of the decision. Now, bewildered, frightened and daunted, her responses seem irrational and perverse. I am desperate to get this sorted out but if I push things she becomes angry and argumentative and she is more than capable of cancelling the whole plan in a fit of temper.
She is also struggling with her medical care which does seem fragmentary. Between an ever changing GP practice, a memory clinic where she has never seen a doctor; been treated with unfeeling contempt by a nurse and only has four weekly contact with a health support worker - the system seems to be designed to maximise confusion and bewilderment. I feel until I am there every day, taking notes and keeping stories straight we are not going to get on top of this.
I cannot be the only person this has happened to. I'd be grateful for any advice or experience from other children who have had to make their way through this to a more manageable situation. I am aware that the AD and its consequences are only going to get worse and I am desperate to eradicate what hassles we can now to create more space and energy to deal with the challenges that lie ahead.
All help very gratefully accepted. Specifically:
- organising coherhent medical care
- getting Mum to move house
Thank you all.
