Extra Help For My Mum

[monkeygirl15]

My mum hasn't been officially diagnosed yet but I have been told unofficially to expect a diagnosis of "advanced dementia." We're not due back at the memory clinic until the end of November but things have continued to deteriorate quickly and I think we may need more support before then.

Tonight I got a phone call from my sister saying the Carer's had rung - no lights on (it was about 9.30pm), no TV on and no sign of mum and she wasn't answering the door or phone. I then found out that one of the neighbours had contacted my sister last week to say my mum had been wandering around the street in just her slippers. Anyway, to cut a long story short, following the police being called out, they have found mum - hiding behind a door in the house. No idea how long she had been there and she just told me on the phone that it's morning and it's time to get up now (I'm writing this at 11.25pm).

So, my sister and I are now thinking what next. She has carers four times a day which I think is the maximum. I see on here there's a lot of talk about the fees of nursing homes but I wondered if there were any other options? What are the kinds of costs of getting people to live or semi live with her? If we can keep her in her home I think that is preferable but first and foremost we want her to be safe.

I'm expecting to spend many hours tomorrow on the phone trying to find out what help we can get. I'm thinking of ringing the Memory Clinic to let them know of the latest developments and see if they can bring forward the appointment at all.

Thanks in advance

 

[LadyA]

Hello @monkeygirl15 and welcome.

It certainly sounds like your mum needs more support than the four visits a day. I'm not sure of how it works, but I know Social Services try and keep people in their home if possible. However, I think you may be right, if Social Services are involved in providing Care, then four visits per day is usually the maximum. If your mum is self funding, then I suppose there's nothing to prevent you paying for extra Carer visits. Live in care would tend to be very expensive I would think. You would need two Carers, so they could have breaks, time off, holidays etc. I know though that there are some members who have gone the route of live in care, so maybe someone more familiar can advise you on this. From what you say, full time care of some kind might be needed sooner rather than later.

Your mum sounds quite vulnerable if she's going out wandering, and something must have frightened her to have her hiding in her house. Whether it was something real or not doesn't really matter, the result is the same. I would definitely see if the appointment can be brought forward. Also, maybe get a check up at the GP, to make sure there's no infection present. UTIs and chest infections can both play havoc with a person with dementia.

 

[Oh Knickers]

Hi monkey girl,

This must be a worrying situation for you. Yup, 4 visits a day is the max. Next step is care home. The costs of 4 visits a day is just below care home costs. Above that care home is the more viable option.

Your mum is sounding as though she needs the structure and safety of a care home.

Do your research into care homes and care home fees. Ask care homes you identify as suitable for your mum about whether they accept council-funded residents. Not all do. I have found a couple, on my journey with mother, that I was happy with that did take council residents.

Your mother will be self- funding should she have assets above £23,500 ish. Below that she will not. The figure given is where SS (Social Services) needs to be alerted. They pick up the tab totally once your mum's assets reach £14,400 ish. Should your mum own her own home it will need to be sold to cover care costs. However, remember, even should your mum have very little in terms of assets you can still identify care homes you are happy with for her to go to - so long as they take council-funded residents. Visits are really important. Don't make an appointment as you will then get a better insight on how the care runs.

Just remember, your mum will have her pension and care homes charge councils less as they bulk buy. In addition the Government gives @ £155 a week towards care costs.

It does take a bit to get your head round but you will get there.

 

[Beate]

The £155 a week are the Funded Nursing Care contribution which she would need to qualify for first!

 

[monkeygirl15]

She has quite a big house but would we have to sell that first before we were able to get her some extra help - a place in a home? I have no idea how all this works

 

[HillyBilly]

You and your sister need to get a Power of Attorney sorted out so that you can deal with your Mum's affairs. There are 2 POAs - one for Property and Finance and one for Health and Welfare. If your Mum no longer has the capacity (required only at time of signing mind) to give you POA then you will need to apply to the Court of Protection (COP) to become her Deputy.
There is usually what's called a 12 week disregard whereby the LA cover any fees until the home can be sold. Does your Mum have any other assets (savings etc)?
In the meantime is your Mum getting Attendance Allowance and Council Tax waiver? She should be entitled to both. Age UK can help with form filling.
Best wishes, it's a lot to take on board and deal with for you x