Everything Feels Weird

[deedia]

Dad died end of May, vascular dementia, very complex care (mental and physical), bedbound for over a year and with a not very nice manner towards me - but always charming to other carers. I managed to get continuing Health Care funding and with this and my 90 hours a week, and usually less than 4 hours sleep a night, managed to keep him at home. I feel proud that he died in his own bed in the family home that he built with my mum - who I also looked after with vascular dementia until she died 5 years ago. But at least mum was kind towards me. Other than that what I witnessed seemed more like a horror movie. I gave up my career and my own health has suffered. I can't think of any good times when we were all younger. Any good family times seem to have been erased by their frailty and continuing battles to provide them with good care.

Now everything just feels weird. Initially I went into my usual coping mode of dealing with it all from funeral to probate, to clearing the family home and then selling my own house of 30 years. I'm now in my childhood bedroom. And everything really does feels weird. Is this a stage of grief?

I know I am now free in many respects (still an uncle with dementia to worry about). And I am planning to move to a new life next year and looking forward to it. Its not like I am depressed and crying about it - it just feels l am in some sort of limbo. If I am honest I feel grieve for the part of my own life I lost because of been a carer. I was relieved for both my parents when they died - what a blessed relief. I am more upset they ended up in the state they both did. Yes, it was all too weird and very horrible.

 

[karaokePete]

Hello @deedia, you are welcome here.

You have coped with a lot and, yes, I would think that this is very much a stage of grief. There may even be delayed grief for your mum involved on top of grief for your dad because you may have been too busy to grieve properly when she died. There may well also be an element of grief associated with the loss of your own life during the caring years.

Grief is very complex and individual but there are many members who have experienced and still are experiencing it so you are not alone here and you will get support. Don’t be afraid to seek support elsewhere too. Your GP may be able to help and it may be good to speak to a counsellor.

There is a Society Factsheet about this issue that may help to explain your feelings and gives some useful tips and contact details. You can reach it by clicking this link https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/media/1026

Apart from that please do keep posting for support.