1. Expert Q&A: Benefits - Weds 23 October, 3-4pm

    Our next expert Q&A will be on the topic of benefits. It will be hosted by Lauren from our Knowledge Services team. She'll be answering your questions on Wednesday 23 October between 3-4pm.

    You can either post your question >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.

  1. worriedson1

    worriedson1 Registered User

    Jan 30, 2012
    1,837
    Or as one my friends said when i told him this

    "F..K, Even at Xmas"..

    People here will be Familair with my very Critical of me's Cousin and Cousin's wife (98% of it her i MUST stress).

    I had sent my mum a bunch of Flowers to be delivered to the home on xmas eve so yesterday, i was down visiting my mum of course and they came in with Presents and we went to my mum's room and we are all chatting and cousin's wife saw the flowers and was all like to my mum "OH who sent you these lovely flowers" and she looked at the card and saw my name and there was a palable yet brief sense of "Indifference " or words to that effect in the air when she read it then she changed the subject and started talking about something else!.

    EVEN at xmas indeed....

    Thoughts??.
     
  2. nae sporran

    nae sporran Volunteer Host

    Oct 29, 2014
    5,920
    Male
    Bristol
    She sounds like my brother who can't say anything without a sneer or a putdown, as he lives 400 miles away I just don't even acknowledge him anymore.

    But, OH's daughter is another matter. She varies from panicking to talking about her own problems instead of listening to her mother's problem. The best bit is that she tells me I am making the wrong foods when I follow recipes and guidance in healthy eating books she gave me. I don't know how easy it is to ignore your cousin and his wife when they are not in the house, but the old nod and smile then trust your own instincts is the best way of dealing with such people in my experience.
     
  3. worriedson1

    worriedson1 Registered User

    Jan 30, 2012
    1,837
    My Cousin(her husband) did nod in Approval at me when this was going on.
     
  4. worriedson1

    worriedson1 Registered User

    Jan 30, 2012
    1,837
    I must stress as it is the truth, ever since i been born they have been utterly fantastic beyond words to my mum.
     
  5. worriedson1

    worriedson1 Registered User

    Jan 30, 2012
    1,837
    I am sorry to hear you have someone like that also. Stay Strong.
     
  6. nae sporran

    nae sporran Volunteer Host

    Oct 29, 2014
    5,920
    Male
    Bristol
    Thanks worriedson. It is nice to read your annoying family do look after your mum, even if you are a feeling a little underappreciated. All the best.
     
  7. Quilty

    Quilty Registered User

    Aug 28, 2014
    1,056
    GLASGOW
    Sometimes people jyst dint like you and cant hide it. I have one in my in laws. I made mini doughnuts for my sons birthday once. Everyone was eating them and saying how delicious they were. In law was too as she thiught someone else made them. When i told her it was me she actually spat the contents of her mouth into a napkin. I had to go into the kitchen to laugh. The more she behavesvlike this the nicer and kinder i am to her. It really grates on her. You can only change yourself. Try to laugh it off.
     
  8. DMac

    DMac Registered User

    Jul 18, 2015
    537
    Female
    Surrey, UK
    So true, Quilty. I'm in the same position with my sister-in-law, who patronises me at any and every opportunity. Glad you are able to laugh about it and get your own back by being nice to her. Best way, IMO!! :D
     
  9. worriedson1

    worriedson1 Registered User

    Jan 30, 2012
    1,837
    I envy People who can laugh stuff like that off!.
     
  10. tatty

    tatty Registered User

    Oct 14, 2015
    61
    My SIL who is very religious is all about me type even when FIL had just been given a terminal prognosis as we left the room with him , she started to tell us all about her newly discovered high blood pressure , even my lovely FIL ignored his only daughter at. that point! I find her behaviour over the years extremely trying , awful when FIl was in bospital dying which would be a lengthy post to say the least... and afterwards visting MIL with dementia and asking for various items to be be bequeathed followed by' can I take them now', over the moon when MIL moved in to our front room, though always enquiring how much is in MIL savings account ... always the same amount. And at a meeting with SW re: CH/ extra careshe sat there saying as she doesn't work she does much more for MIL on visits than I do because she doesn't work , MiL and SIL and family are big churchgoers so she takes her to church when they are going anyway when MIL is visiting them (whereas my OH drives his mum half an hour back to her old church every Sunday and sits in costa, ) but SIL can't possibly have her mother to live with her as her 4th bedroom is used by her husband as an office but it is fine for us to have MIL in our frontroom . ..weirdly she tries very hard to engratiate herself with me the opposite to your cousin but can't help the jealous remarks at times..... not helped by MIL saying I'm better to her than if I was her own daughter which I used to find embarassing now just makes me laugh to see SIL's face.

    I think your cousin's wife is jealous of you and your relationship with your mum, possibly your mum sings your praises when you are not there and she resents this if she feels they are very good to your mum and wants all the ' limelight'? in the end you just have to feel sorry for them or laugh at there silly behaviour as an' in law' I don't have to see SIL too often and one day, no effort will be required as OH knows how I feel, and feels the same but it is different for your own blood relatives:rolleyes:
     
  11. worriedson1

    worriedson1 Registered User

    Jan 30, 2012
    1,837
    I honestly wish i could laugh it off...
     
  12. worriedson1

    worriedson1 Registered User

    Jan 30, 2012
    1,837
    IF that IS the case then that is very sad. As i said, i have spoke about them often on here...
     
  13. Quilty

    Quilty Registered User

    Aug 28, 2014
    1,056
    GLASGOW
    The thing to remember is that you can only change your behavior not theirs. The more horrible they are the nicer i am. It makes them nuts and that makes me laugh even more. They are trying to make you feel small and hurt you. You have a choice - dont let them! Take control. Big hug quilty
     
  14. geum123

    geum123 Registered User

    May 20, 2009
    4,604
    Don't respond to the negativity WS.
    Don't let her drag you down.

    The flowers were a lovely gesture to your Mum.:)
    That's all that matters.
     
  15. worriedson1

    worriedson1 Registered User

    Jan 30, 2012
    1,837
    Thanks! I'm trying my best in that regard!.
     

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