EPA - Would I do this again - No way!

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by Jackie, Nov 17, 2003.

  1. Jackie

    Jackie Registered User

    Oct 9, 2003
    61
    When my mum first became ill I had absoulty no idea of the stress it would cause to me personally! As she is only 54 she is entitled to all sorts of benefits, and so you spend endless hours and phone calls to get them sorted out, then when she went into care more forms and more complications and more phone calls and endless stress.............

    Now all her life savings have now been all used up on her care, ensuring that her lifestyle has been made as happy and carefree for her as possible and ensuring that she lived as she would live if she was mentally capable - I then inform Social Services that her capital is below £12k and that all of her benefits are to pay for her care and she will be allowed a measly £17.50 per week to 'live' on (she wont as she will continue to use the remainder of her savings). Social Services now want to know why she has spent more than what 'they guessed she would' and want copies of bank statements upto 8 months ago and I get the Spanish Inqusisition from Social Services and be made to feel like I have done something wrong!!!!!!

    Have I done something wrong?????? By ensuring that my mum is taking out on day trips most days, ensuring that she is dressed smartly, because she has been ill her dress size has changed several times (as she would have been when she was not ill), making sure her room at the home looks nice, buying presents for her Great-Grandaughter, Grandaugther, Daugther & Son-In-Law and freinds for birthdays/anniversarys/weddings etc......basically spending the money as 'she would have seen fit' if she was mentally capable ???????????? Is this not the responsibity of the EPA ?

    So why do they make me feel like a criminal ?
    Would I be an EPA know what I know now - not a chance !
     
  2. Geraldine

    Geraldine Registered User

    Oct 17, 2003
    143
    Nottingham
    Dear Jackie

    my sympathies are with you. My Mum is 79 and has just moved into a home and I too feel that I have spent the last 6 years on an endless round of 'phone calls and form filling. Of all the agencies I have had too deal with social services is the one that I the least confidence in and apart from one individual has been the least helpful. I left it too late to do the EPA and waiting to be apointed a reciever for the Court of protection a very expensive and time consuming business. I have to keep acpounts get permission to buy presents etc but at least when the SS accuse me of spending to much in about 3 years time when we get to the benfits level i will have it all written down. You have not done anything wrong indeed if you read the court of protection documents it sees to me that you have done exactly the correct thing used your Mum's money to keep her comfortable. Mu Mum would be devastated if she thought some pen pusher was saying that she could no longer buy her grandson special gifts on birthdays and Christmas. I found your message very helpful, forewarned is forearmed a they say.

    Yet again we get the message that those who scrimp and save for their ols age are penalised, while those who spend it all along the way and have to rely on the state seem to get the much better deal

    Stick to your guns, remember it is your Mum you are doing this for
    and keep buying those comforts

    regards
    Geraldine
     
  3. Sheila

    Sheila Registered User

    Oct 23, 2003
    2,259
    West Sussex
    EPA

    Oh how I feel for you!
    When I registered my mum's EPA I got this awful pink form telling me I was responsible, must not do anything wrong(?) etc. (Mind you they don't say what you should do, especially when you are trying to do what you know the person would have wanted you to do!!)
    I got an in/out book and I log EVERYTHING!!!
    On the back of each page, I say why and how I cope etc. I also keep a diary of every day which I started when mum was having little TIA's.
    It may seem daft, but if they have a go at me, then they can damn well read out why I spent whatever as well as the fact I did!!
    Like you I am totally sick of it, here you are, doing your best to care for someone that means the world to you and some *!*! *!*! !!!! questions your integrity, well there but for the grace of god etc. is all I can say!
    Don't let it get to you. Start keeping itemised accounts if you havn't already and leave them to mutter, maybe one day they will understand what it is like!
    She,
    XX
     
  4. Jackie

    Jackie Registered User

    Oct 9, 2003
    61
    EPA

    Thank you to both Geraldine and Shelia, sometimes its nice to know you are not on your own.....deep down I knew I wasnt but its nice to be reassured.

    I have just send a 2 page letter, along with 'justifying' 20 pages of bank statements everything on her bank statements why I have spent more than what they figured I would!

    My mum adored babies and young children and its devestating to know that she will never know her Great Grand-Daughther as she would have doted on her and would have surely spent more on her, that what I am - should she have been able to!

    Its disgusting that we should be dictated to by the SS on how my mum should spend HER hard earned money, I appreciate that there are people that de-fraud the system and no doubt they want to check that I am not one of them!!!!!!!!!

    You would think that SS would have more compassion knowing the circumstances but No they are more peeved with the fact they now have to re-direct her benefits to pay for her care after taking everything she had!

    SS have caused me more stress, sleepless nights and made me feel guilty that I am doing my best to look after my mum and make sure she has the best - after all thats what she is entitled to and ensuring that her wishes are carried out as I can not make her dreams come true ........... she doesnt even know me anymore let alone her Great Grand-Daughther.....

    The worst bit now is that they are possibily going to try and re-claim an overpayment on her DLA. The same DLA I quieried 3 times, wrote to them on changes of circumstances and they fact they forgot to pay her the DLA for 15 months - unreal ..........well they can sing - how can you take money of a disabled person??????

    I can not put into words how much these people 'doing their jobs' have made my life a misery - I wonder if they would do what they do if it was happening to them ?

    Sorry about the rant - feel a bit better now!
     
  5. Sheila

    Sheila Registered User

    Oct 23, 2003
    2,259
    West Sussex
    EPA

    Hi Jackie, don't be sorry, rant away, I do!!
    You are right it is a darn cheek, but there it is, until someone somewhere with some clout gets in the same s**t nothing will change.

    Just love your mum, keep the blooming accounts and carry on regardless. You know you are not spending wrongly, they would have to prove otherwise to get anywhere and as you say, there but for the grace of God! Let them judge you as they themselves would wish to be judged if it was their mum.
    Love,
    She,
    XX
     

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