Eating/hygiene issues

[bubby]

Hi I am new to this site, we are at in between stages with Father in law re memory issues. Dad is 83 and is due to go to memory clinic on Wednesday 11th this is his first appointment since his referral from the doctor. We are finding things very hard lately he is very argumentative sometime aggressive but what is most difficult is the fact that he is hardly eating! he will not accept meals on wheels, he is 15 miles away from us, we are the nearest relative, lives alone, we have bought prepared meals for him but upon visiting yesterday he hasn't eaten any of them, food is out of date and he seems to be living off toast! He will not change his clothes and has been wearing the same clothes for 2 weeks, we try and try and he either protests or say they were changed only the day before when they were not! any help/advice please. Bubby

 

[Jessbow]

How often do you visit?

Do waste energy argueing with him, he will always believe he is right, change the conversation, or just go along with it.

If he believes, for instance, he has been eating his meals, you ask him why he hasn't, and he's adamant that he has ( and they are in front of you) its pointless argueing about it- you KNOW he hasn't.

Would he heat up soup?
Would he eat cold food ( it wont hurt him) if you stocked the fridge? Pork pie, scotch eggs, cold chicken etc etc

 

[starryuk]

My mum was the same in that she just left untouched all the prepared meals we put in the freezer/fridge.

I concluded that she couldn't think of how to use the oven any more. We did as Jessbow suggested, filling the fridge with stuff Mum could just take out and eat. The most complicated thing she made was cheese rolls.

As long as your FIL eats proper meals sometimes, to give him good nutrients, (ie when you cook for him!) I wouldn't worry. Food is food, hot or cold.

The clothing issue is a common one. Do you think he is changing into his pyjamas when he goes to bed? If so, put a clean set of clothes out in full view in the hope that he picks them up first in the morning. Or, if you are there when he is in his pjs, just grab the dirty ones for washing. Don't ask, just do.

Good luck

 

[pippop1]

Clothes

If there are two of you helping him then one talks to him downstairs and the other one goes upstairs to get things sorted out. This could include changing the bed and taking bed clothes home to wash.

Just pretend that you are going up to use the toilet. A few mins will pass quickly for him.

We used to do this and sneak dirty clothes, tea towels and so on in and out of MIL's house. Just used to bring a big empty bag with and leave it by the front door. If questioned just said it was my stuff which I didn't want to leave in the car.

 

[bilslin]

Hi bubby what about care coming in to help with it all. My mums the same with both things. She eats with us, goes club and day centre where she's fed and has cw come in lunch times, they make a sandwich and she eats eat as and when. Good luck

 

[bubby]

When we do visit dad we do do things without him knowing and try all manner of "underhand" tactics to resolve things, the eating issue is with hot or cold food, it is imperative he eats as he is diabetic, we have tried meals on wheels too but he refuses to have them. I do not know whether he forgets to eat or just cant be bothered. Of course I cook when I am there or when he comes to me but when we work and he is alone its very hard. He will not accept anyone coming in and says he is fine (which hes not). I have left clothes out for him to put on but he just puts them back in the drawer, again he will not accept anyone coming in to help. We are now on our 14 day without him changing, it is important his feet are kept clean because of the diabetes but he will not even change his socks! It is very hard balancing time and energy back and forth, our own lives and dads, it hurts to see him like this but when he refuses help or any sort of day centre we are frustrated as to what to do. I do not know at this stage if we are entitled to any help, if he would only accept it.