Early Stages

DartMoul

New member
Jun 24, 2024
1
0
Hello to anyone reading. I’m in the process of coming to terms with the reality that my husband has some serious memory loss. EH has Lyme Disease but his connection with this illness as the reason behind his memory loss ignores the fact that his younger (73 yrs) brother is diagnosed with AD and now living in a group home after living with us for nearly two years. EH is 79. I’m 65. I’m so scared and agitated and I can’t talk with him about it without a fight or his serious decline into some juvenile state. Honestly, I feel like I’ll burst at the emotional seems of my being. I’ve read that the important stage for me is to work on accepting the reality of this progressive disease FIRST by getting a handle on my mood, my emotions, especially because my feeling are so ambivalent. I’m scared but I’m angry. I’m repulsed but I’m desperately clinging. I want to run away but I won’t. My sister in law did. Now I’m caring for my brother in law while grieving the handwriting on the wall about my own EH. God help me.
 

SeaSwallow

Volunteer Moderator
Oct 28, 2019
7,121
0
Hello @DartMoul and welcome to the Dementia Support Forum. I am sorry to read about your EH, Lyme Disease is awful and as you have discovered can cause all sorts of ongoing health issues, including memory loss. Just because your EH's younger brother has AD does not mean that your EH will also develop it, his memory issues are more likely due to the Lyme disease. However it would not do any harm to have a discussion with his doctor to discuss your concerns.

It would also be a good idea to talk to the doctor about how you are feeling, all of the thoughts that you are having are quite normal but the doctor might be able to prescribe something for you to help you cope with everything that is going on.

I would also suggest that you contact your local social services to see if you can arrange any help with caring for your EH.

Please keep posting on the forum, you will find lots of support and empathy here.
 

090457

New member
Jul 11, 2024
3
0
Hello to anyone reading. I’m in the process of coming to terms with the reality that my husband has some serious memory loss. EH has Lyme Disease but his connection with this illness as the reason behind his memory loss ignores the fact that his younger (73 yrs) brother is diagnosed with AD and now living in a group home after living with us for nearly two years. EH is 79. I’m 65. I’m so scared and agitated and I can’t talk with him about it without a fight or his serious decline into some juvenile state. Honestly, I feel like I’ll burst at the emotional seems of my being. I’ve read that the important stage for me is to work on accepting the reality of this progressive disease FIRST by getting a handle on my mood, my emotions, especially because my feeling are so ambivalent. I’m scared but I’m angry. I’m repulsed but I’m desperately clinging. I want to run away but I won’t. My sister in law did. Now I’m caring for my brother in law while grieving the handwriting on the wall about my own EH. God help me.
I am exactly like you husband just been given diagnosis hasn’t said anything if I try to get him to talk just get”nothing whatsoever “ seems to have forgotten same as when had to have a mental capacity assessment which he failed this was for updating will and lasting power of attorney got mine done no probs but he had to take test which he failed but forgotten, hadtriedfot months to get him to Dr but would not but now got to stage that he was virtually ordered. The thing that gets to me most is the memory loss talking about 5 mins then forgotten what was said or tries to make daft excuses or saying my fault I don’t speak clearly.
How do you keep patiencei can’t seem to think maybe not accepting reality. I am a disabled wheelchair person how am I going to cope have lost adrenal gland due to tumour on life long steroids have Addisons scared of going into crisis please maybe someone can help us get to accept reality of situation
oh by the way his brother. Also had vascular dementia!
 

SeaSwallow

Volunteer Moderator
Oct 28, 2019
7,121
0
Hello @090457 and welcome to the Dementia Support Forum. I am so sorry to read about your husband's diagnosis and your own ongoing health problems, this must be so hard for you. I can see that @Izzy has already given you some advice on this thread. https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/threads/just-to-say-hello.151104/ which I hope that you will find useful.

I can understand why you are worried about how you are going to cope due to your ongoing health problems. I would suggest that you contact your local adult social services to request a needs assessment for your husband and a carers assessment for yourself and really explain to them just how difficult you are going to find caring in the long run.

Regarding patience this can be so difficult at times. I have attached a link that some of our members have found useful in the past, but it is not always easy to follow.

Please keep posting either to ask questions or even just to talk about how you are feeling. Our members are always ready to listen.