DVLA decision

[Rathbone]

...and here we are too, another husband and wife facing the big driving dilemma! After much drama, my husband is going to aDVLA assessment centre next week! Very luckily, a chap we know not very well has kindly offered to take him...what a saint! If it had been with me, I'd have been blamed for the loss of licence. I will anyway, because he's not driving after advice from the GP, and is indignant because he's got out of practice..Catch 22!

I'm the driver now, and my husband can't bear it; I can do nothing right and he makes me jittery and nervous. So if and when he has to give up his licence, I don't think we'll be going far, because no one can drive safely with an angry and controlling passenger.

This must be the biggest blow for someone with Dementia. And their family.

Just made the mistake of sharing this thread with OH, who has just bitten my head off, chewed it round a bit and spat it out with the retort "You just don't get it - it's all the horizons closing down which is so awful". I know its the FTD, but I've forgotten what a horizon is, never mind seeing one. My life is shrinking too. X

 

[Chocolateear]

Just made the mistake of sharing this thread with OH, who has just bitten my head off, chewed it round a bit and spat it out with the retort "You just don't get it - it's all the horizons closing down which is so awful". I know its the FTD, but I've forgotten what a horizon is, never mind seeing one. My life is shrinking too. X

A big hug sent as our lives do shrink don't they? Our days contract. My sister says we live in a parallel universe.

 

[Chuggalug]

Don’t think we should worry to much about a few dementia drivers who lets face havent commited a crime when we read the following :

More than 1,000 criminals walking free who should be behind bars including 21 killers and 15 rapists
• 1,000 people considered a risk to the public unlawfully walking the streets'
• Government failing in promise to kick out foreign prisoners, data shows
• There has been a sharp rise in the number of prisoners absconding from jail
• Justice Secretary Chris Grayling insists escapes are 'still incredibly rare'
By James Slack
Published: 16:20, 31 July 2014 | Updated: 07:52, 1 August 2014

Reminds me of that other catchphrase: "DON'T have nightmares; DO sleep well!", from a television programme.

I'll look this one up. Bet I know which news site it comes from!

As for the "walking on eggshells" bit. Every day. Every single day. Love and strength to us all.

 

[Chocolateear]

Reminds me of that other catchphrase: "DON'T have nightmares; DO sleep well!", from a television programme.

I'll look this one up. Bet I know which news site it comes from!

As for the "walking on eggshells" bit. Every day. Every single day. Love and strength to us all.

Hear, hear.

 

[trigger]

reminds me of that other catchphrase: "don't have nightmares; do sleep well!", from a television programme.

I'll look this one up. Bet i know which news site it comes from!

As for the "walking on eggshells" bit. Every day. Every single day. Love and strength to us all.

mail-online

 

[Rathbone]

A big hug sent as our lives do shrink don't they? Our days contract. My sister says we live in a parallel universe.

Thank you for the hug - a lovely bonus - and a big hug for you too. X

 

[astra]

Have just read your thread and I know exactly how you feel..ten months ago my OH was diagnosed with dementia and before that I was very concerned about hr driving. Although no one told her she must not drive at the time...so one day at a visit with a consultant I gave her a letter about my concerns and then told her that she shouldn't drive...of course she didn't know I had given the consultant the letter....leaving the hospital all her a anger came out ...saying that nothing was wrong with her..and of course I got the blame even now she says it was me.However she hasn't driven since then but now and again she brings it up''my reply is that next time e see the consultant we will ask can she drive and if so we will get another car for her...of course there is no chance of that happening because she is lost when we drive out of our little village...hope things get better for you,,,life is a *****

 

[Rageddy Anne]

Driving licence revoked...

Waiting for a very kind friend to bring my husband back from the DVLA assessment, which he failed. This must be the worst possible thing to happen to anyone with Dementia who is aware and thinks they can still drive safely. I feel so sorry for him. Now he'll have to suffer my driving.

It's been a long drama. Not sure how he'll take it, but will share....

 

[ASH74]

Oh hugs.....I hope the fall out isn't too bad!


Sent from my iPad using Talking Point

 

[Izzy]

Oh RA. I'm sorry to hear that. Good luck.

 

[MrsTerryN]

I am sorry to hear that.

 

[Countryboy]

Sorry to hear your husband failed the driving assessment but being realistic that’s what the assessment is for , personally I think a driving assessment should be compulsory for every driver over the age of 50 and then every 5 years hopefully that will come in time shouldn’t only be for a person with dementia

 

[Lawson58]

I am so relieved that my husband is now off the road for good. For a long time I couldn't be a passenger in the car with him as it was way too scary.

He went for his 'on road' assessment yesterday and failed it so his licence is to be cancelled. Fortunately for me, the decision was made by the occupational Therapist and the assessor from the local licencing authority so he has not been able to blame me.

That's not to say that it was not a shattering blow for him and so we had quite an explosive time about his 'life crashing down' etc and at that stage he wouldn't listen to anything that was halfway sensible.

He loves to play bridge and not being able to drive has meant that he has to make a few adjustments but we found another local club closer to home so I took him there for his first day. He really enjoyed it and played quite well (so he tells me) so life for him is not totally over and he has been able to retain a bit of his independence. For now anyway.

And voluntarily he handed over his car keys without any trouble so that was an added bonus.

 

[Countryboy]

I wonder how may carers or spouses of a person with dementia would Pass or Fail the driving assessment the dementia person has to take , my bet is a lot would fail , I know a O.T who was being shown around the assessment centre and went on the driving simulator and failed big time that shocked her but she still has a driving licence just show how difficult it is believe me if a person passes they are good drivers irrespective
of their illness

 

[Rageddy Anne]

Tony, don't ask! I admit to nothing! All I can say is that I have never had an accident, , while my husband's car, which I have always refused to drive, is covered in scrapes and bumps! The worst hazard about me driving is my turbulent passenger!

 

[Countryboy]

I am so relieved that my husband is now off the road for good. For a long time I couldn't be a passenger in the car with him as it was way too scary.

He went for his 'on road' assessment yesterday and failed it so his licence is to be cancelled. Fortunately for me, the decision was made by the occupational Therapist and the assessor from the local licencing authority so he has not been able to blame me.

That's not to say that it was not a shattering blow for him and so we had quite an explosive time about his 'life crashing down' etc and at that stage he wouldn't listen to anything that was halfway sensible.

He loves to play bridge and not being able to drive has meant that he has to make a few adjustments but we found another local club closer to home so I took him there for his first day. He really enjoyed it and played quite well (so he tells me) so life for him is not totally over and he has been able to retain a bit of his independence. For now anyway.

And voluntarily he handed over his car keys without any trouble so that was an added bonus.

Who rides the Bike it looks a big un

 

[Rageddy Anne]

Assessment centre fail...

Whatever the kind friend had said on the way home from the assessment centre I don't know, but there was no rage, simply sadness at what my husband called " the end of an era", and regret that the burden of doing all the driving would now fall on my shoulders. We immediately went out in my car to a favourite haunt where we had coffee and one of their wonderful sandwiches, then did some enjoyable shopping, came home to his favourite dinner and pleasant television programmes, one featuring purring cats and kittens. Then he slept all night without waking. I think perhaps there's an element of relief at not having to drive any more, because latterly it had obviously become hard for him.

I have it on good authority that the dear old car is very soon going to fail its MOT expensively, and fortunately is not valuable.

 

[Rathbone]

So pleased for you in all the right ways Raggedy. i am sure your interpretation of your OH's relief is right. I am so glad he took it so well really and that you can both be "in charge" of your destinations now. Love X Shelagh

 

[Rageddy Anne]

Thankyou kind people who posted. What a fraught business is this need to stop driving, or being stopped. Life as we knew it will have to change. I used to be so grateful to be driven by a competent and confident driver, and now it will fall to me. With hindsight, my advice for wives would be not to settle for the newly retired husband taking over all the long distance driving, but keep your hand in. You might need it one day.

 

[Rageddy Anne]

My husband 76 with VasDem diagnosed 5 years ago had licence taken last year after a very comprehensive test at a centre nominated by DVLA. Since then it's been misery having him in the car with me. He constantly comments and 'directs' to the point where I try to avoid driving with him. We went on a long day out by train yesterday so I could avoid being stressed. Minor issues like today when he told me I didn't know how to park because the wheels weren't straight when I switched the engine off. Because I dared to respond he went off on a rant, giving himself a headache and went to bed at 5pm. Tried to stop him but that made things worse. He's still there and will wake up tomorrow having no idea that he did this. It happens quite frequently now with other things as well, accusing me of being a know-all etc etc. I'm finding it so difficult to cope with when it happens. Other days he's as normal as could be. While he will be fine tomorrow I will still be tense and treading on eggshells. I find it all so unreal.

Oh dear, this is so familiar! It doesn't matter where or how I park, it's always wrong! I hoped it would stop after losing his licence yesterday, but I see your husband is still at it! I sympathise completely.