Driving

[Galloping grannie]

My OH has recently given up driving. We haven’t had a conversation about it, I just always get in the driving seat and he hasn’t complained. The only problem is, he tells me what every car around is about to do, which way we need to turn, when I can fit through a gap etc. I have been coming out of my drive for 52 years, but he tells me how much space I have from the wall. It can be helpful at times, but the rest of the time it is very wearing and stressful. I’m trying to be positive and think he is at least getting some mental exercise.
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[Sue741215]

Welcome to my world @Galloping grannie. My oh runs through the traffic light changes ie they'll come from the left and then the right and then it is our turn. He also counts lorries, vans or vws out loud. You will get used to it - no choice but to relax into it. I say this after in the past occasionally screaming at him and threatening to drop him off if he doesn't stop till I realised it made not the slightest difference - he would just count quietly for a few minutes then start doing it out loud again. Also it has replaced what he used to do which is point out the speed limit every traffic camera or worse sign denoting a camera and there are even more of those than lorries. Like you I try to be positive and think it gives him something to do on long journeys and exercises his brain. The sad thing is that he used to be excellent at knowing where we were but now he is so busy counting lorries he does not take notice of anything else and is losing that ability. The upside is I do listen to the radio now on long journeys - I didn't like to before when he was talking to me but now it is counting I feel it is ok.

 

[leny connery]

My OH has recently given up driving. We haven’t had a conversation about it, I just always get in the driving seat and he hasn’t complained. The only problem is, he tells me what every car around is about to do, which way we need to turn, when I can fit through a gap etc. I have been coming out of my drive for 52 years, but he tells me how much space I have from the wall. It can be helpful at times, but the rest of the time it is very wearing and stressful. I’m trying to be positive and think he is at least getting some mental exercise.
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OMG, how weird it is that what I thought it was just happening to me with my dear OH directs my driving, and warns me I am too close to the other parked cars, reading all the registration numbers etc etc was unique to us. Now, apparently the dementia/ alzheimer cause this too. Is there no end to what this damed disease do to the brain???

 

[Cardinal]

My husband also does this. I don’t want to tell him to be quiet because I feel like I would be rubbing it in that he can’t drive anymore. I think it gives him some sense of control.

 

[2ndAlto]

Mine too, just the same.

 

[Rishile]

Me too. My husband constantly tells me how close I am to the kerb or parked cars. He also 'tries' to tell me which way to go but I often ignore that. He used to have a built-in sat-nav in his head and could get us anywhere without maps or directions but that has gone now. In some ways, I miss that because I often feel uneasy if I am driving somewhere I don't know but it never bothered him at all.

 

[Rishile]

Oh - and not forgetting the amount of times he asks me if I need petrol. Even if I have just been to the petrol station and put petrol in, he will ask me again at the next one we pass. I don't know if he is aware of how many miles you can drive with a tankful of petrol.

 

[Sue741215]

My car is electric so you can imagine his range anxiety about that! As soon as it goes below 100 miles range he gets anxious even if we are only going to the local shop - still it makes me top it up more than I would myself so that is probably a good thing and I'm unlikely to get a speeding ticket with him on board. small mercies.

 

[Galloping grannie]

Interesting that so many of us have the same problems with driving. My OH also counts vehicles in the queue in front and behind. I think maybe having the radio on, even for short journeys, is a good idea.

 

[Simon Penn]

Yes, very interesting the frequency of this phenomenon AND the way it annoys us drivers! My wife was an excellent and careful (but not cautious!) driver and I always loved being driven by her. I was so, so proud when she - thrilled to the core - drove us across THE Bridge in Sweden (from the famous BBC4 series). I though always did most of the big journeys and she was happy to let me take the strain. Always keen to warn of (reasonable) hazards, she has now - as she's become more ill with AD and no longer can drive - become obsessive - humps, gaps between cars that I 'should' be closing, parking hazards, distance from the kerb, speed limits - you name it, she's warned me about it or shouted at me to obey her about. The other day - instinctively - I edged out into a solid stalled line of traffic when she urgently told me to do so and found myself in precarious circs with cars bearing down. I tell myself to ignore her, but a yelled 'stop' or 'go NOW' is hard NOT to pay attention to. I've asked her to stop as it's dangerous, but to no avail. She forgets I've said it.

It's also very sapping of confidence. When I drive alone, it's like a HUGE weight taken off my shoulders. I am a confident, very experienced driver and - however much I tell myself this is just another manifestation of my darling wife's illness - incredibly sapping. Nothing to do with masculinity but simply that I love and have always loved driving, with confidence and care. It's just another little bit of collateral damage from the so-sad effects of this cursed disease. So, as they say, welcome to the club! My sympathies.

 

[Cerisy]

I’m there with you Simon. My wife is getting more nervous as I drive and it’s very hard not to respond with either a request to stop or me trying to argue that I didn’t run over the verge - both pointless! The hardest thing for me is that she regularly repeats her request to be allowed to drive or she’ll forget. As she hasn’t driven for well over a year that isn’t going to happen so it’s back to the love lies!!