Driving!!!!!!.Lost it today and nearly left him

concerned1947

Registered User
Feb 14, 2011
64
My hsb has deteriorated since Xmas and prior to CPN's visit, first since Xmas, I wrote to him to let him know about my concerns, in particular hsb ability to drive as he still has his licence. The last SSMSE test in Oct gave a score of 15. Another test was conducted yesterday that scored 9. Hsb was told that he should not drive for the time being until Consultant had an opportunity to review medication etc.
I later looked up this score against the stages of Alz in the Daily Telegraph book that pointed to moderate to late stage. Took hsb to GP today to check if any underlying infections incl UTI but no infections diagnosed. I have been feeling unwell for the past week and have experienced more difficulty in caring as an ear infection in both ears has caused deafness. This afternoon, despite my reminding him that he had been told he should not drive he went out in the car. I lost my temper with him (normally a very calm person) he appeared to have forgotten what CPN had told him, which is understandable.
I felt like packing up and leaving as I feel so low and unable to cope. His keys are always in his pocket, have thought of taking the car key of the key ring tonight but know it would cause mayhem as he constantly checks his keys. However also have to consider other road users and pedestrians.
Also worried about the score of 9 and whether this is a sign that he is moving to the next stage. Any thoughts from you???
 

jenniferpa

Registered User
Jun 27, 2006
39,448
I think you need to get someone to disable the car or disable it yourself if you can't remove his keys. Would he be able to diagnose a simple thing (like for example a detached battery terminal) or would he be unable to even work out what was wrong if the car failed to start?
 

chucky

Registered User
Feb 17, 2011
968
UK
I thought of taking the keys, but like your husband my dad kept them in his hands the whole time. We had a spair set so one night when he went to bed we arranged to have the car "stolen", actually my brother took it and parked it at his own house. I told my dad that he didnt have enough money to buy a new one and thankfully he accepted it. Sometimes little white lies (as well as huge whoppers) are the way to go, also if the Dr said hes not fit to drive then he may well inform the DVLA which in turn would mean hes driving illegally and without insurance.
 

Saffie

Registered User
Mar 26, 2011
22,510
Near Southampton
I can't believe the GP has not informed the DVLA. My husband's did and he was still scoring at normal levels. They wrote straight away and asked him to return his licence.
 

rajahh

Registered User
Aug 29, 2008
2,794
Hertfordshire
It took me nearly a year to get anywhere with consultants and doctors about DVLA They all said my husband shouldn't drive, but wouldn't write. In the end I wrote and his licence was returned to DVLA as soon as they requested it.

If your husband accepts that he must not drive for now until consultant has had a medication check, then suggest you take the keys away so he won't forget. If he is saying he forgets then that could be the answer.

If he does not actually want to listen then he will not allow the keys to be removed.

I uderstand your fears I lived with it for a long time and it caused me a lot of heartache too.

My husband is aware that he forgets what we have discussed and so we have a book which he writes down all important decisions and puts the date. I never write in the book, only him so he cannot dispute it.

This can only be done when he is in an amenable mood but it does work.
 

Butter

Registered User
Jan 19, 2012
6,738
NeverNeverLand
my husband set off to drive without a valid license - it had expired and he has not renewed it. I told him if he drove off without a license I would ring the police: he would be less vulnerable if stopped by the police having been reported by his concerned wife than caught driving without licence, insurance etc. Fortunately he understood that I meant what I said and did not take the car. Of course other road users would still have been at risk.
But who wants to shop their husband ... the ducking and diving and half truths are so difficult when we have never lived like this in the past.
 

Karenm001

Registered User
May 7, 2011
10
Redhill
Hi there

We had exactly the same problem with Dad! Two doctors told Dad not to drive and I told mum not to go out in the car with him. On the sly we set the trip counter to 0 in the car. Two weeks later the car had been driven 7 miles! Their excuse was 'well we only drive to the local shops', turned out that mum had to direct him!

So just before Christmas I took both sets of keys away, so he wasn't able to drive. He did ask me repeatedly 'when am I going to get my keys back?', I told him I wouldn't be returning them as two doctors had told him not to drive because he has alzheimers and vascular dementia. He is therefore not insured to drive, and if he goes out in the car and has a prang then he could be sued for everything he has, including the house, and they would be destitute. He said that the doctors were wrong and didn't know what they were talking about :)

The car needed an MOT so that gave me a good excuse to take the car to my garage - it failed - and since then it has been parked outside my house. The car now will either stay within the family or be sold. Thankfully we have LPA so we can do this, and mum has also now come to terms with the situation so we have her on side.

The other thing we were going to do was to disable the battery, and put a note inside the bonnet saying 'the owner of this vehicle is no longer allowed to drive on doctors orders - please do not repair' - just in case he got the AA to fix it.

Good luck though, you will get a lot of stick for removing the temptation and ability to drive (I still get it every time I go and see Dad), but at the end of the day you are looking after his welfare and protecting other road users.

Best wishes

Karen
 

concerned1947

Registered User
Feb 14, 2011
64
Thank you all for your thoughts. It is difficult for me to hide the keys or to pretend that the car needs repairs as I will need to drive the car myself. He did pass the driving assessment last May, he has his licence until this August. I am hoping that the consultant decides this week to inform DVLA. If he cannot dress properly, becomes disorientated within his own home, has to have help shaving etc I cannot see how he has the skills to drive safely.
 

Katrine

Registered User
Jan 20, 2011
2,839
England
Please don't leave this any longer. Yes it is embarrassing and upsetting but lives could be at stake, including your own. You must remove his keys and tell him that he is no longer allowed to drive because of his health, but that you will take him out when he wants to go somewhere. Then when he asks for the keys again you say - "I'm driving today, where shall we go?"

Just say "I'm driving today" or "It's my turn" if he insists that he is still a driver. It is not necessary to lay it on the line that he will never drive again if he just can't accept this, but you must physically prevent him from driving, or parking, or turning the car round, or anything behind the wheel. Accidents can happen in your own garage or driveway.

Even if your husband's licence is supposedly valid until August, this is only a permission to drive under previous normal circumstances. It is not carte blanche for anyone to drive disregarding their medical status - every driver must inform DVLA if these change. It would be helpful if the doctor made a notification to DVLA but it is not his responsibility. If your husband is willing to stop driving voluntarily you can send his licence back to DVLA with an explanatory letter saying he is surrendering his licence.

If he is not willing then as the person observing that your husband is not fit to drive safely, YOU should notify them yourself ASAP. You can ring them up and explain. They will send your husband a letter saying a 3rd party has informed them (you won't be named). He will be required to complete and return a form with his current medical conditions and drugs. It is unlikely that he would be able to complete this form, at which point you would have to talk to him again about surrendering his licence.

Some people on TP have managed to avoid taking their OH's licence away, to preserve their dignity, but have taken the necessary steps to stop them from actually driving. This is the key thing. Whether or not he has a licence is almost irrelevant, especially if he will forget what he is told by DVLA and doctors. The most important thing is to stop him from getting behind the wheel. I recommend that you search for other driving-related threads on TP as there have been some really creative ideas and experiences shared by members, showing how they have achieved this. Good luck. :)
 

Jo1958

Registered User
Mar 31, 2010
3,724
Yorkshire
Hi,
I really wish that when we were at this stage I had gotten rid of the car and bought another one that hubby wasn't used to driving, but we didn't and still have the old car, well his old car but I do all the driving, he still has his licence and is named as second driver now on the insurance. He will never drive again but this way he has kept his respect.

I hope that you can find a way forward that keeps everyone safe and doesn't cause too much hassle between you.
With best wishes from Jo
 

winda

Registered User
Oct 17, 2011
2,037
Nottinghamshire
My husband's consultant told him that he would need to contact the DVLA (this was when he was first diagnosed). He didn't of course, so I phoned them and they sent out a form which I filled in and then got my husband to sign. He didn't bother to read what he was signing so that was easy. The DVLA then wrote requesting him to return his driving licence which I promptly did.

So now when he says 'I wonder when I will be able to drive again' I tell him that it will be up to the DVLA to decide. He doesn't know what I'm talking about but it means that he feels angry towards them rather than the consultant or doctor.

I wonder if this would work for your husband?



Linda
 

Sox

Registered User
Mar 12, 2011
325
Hello - my suggestion would be to contact the DVLA yourself, explain the situation and ask them to send for your husband for another assessment. If he then failed he could blame the Assessor not you. The DVLA will not tell your husband that it was you who contacted them. I did this (I also took the keys) and it was a bit difficult for a time until he forgot about it, but he never drove again. Sox
 

SWMBO1950

Registered User
Nov 17, 2011
2,077
Essex
We had the same problem......................................

We were faced with a similar quandry with my FIL. We said my sister in law need to borrow a car urgently as hers had broken down. He insisted on going for a drive before it went and was accompanied by my 2 brother in laws. Lets just say I think their lives passed before their eyes!!:eek:

The car went and was never returned (was sold and the money went into his bank) and he eventually stopped asking.

It was safer for everyone.

Good luck and best wishes



My hsb has deteriorated since Xmas and prior to CPN's visit, first since Xmas, I wrote to him to let him know about my concerns, in particular hsb ability to drive as he still has his licence. The last SSMSE test in Oct gave a score of 15. Another test was conducted yesterday that scored 9. Hsb was told that he should not drive for the time being until Consultant had an opportunity to review medication etc.
I later looked up this score against the stages of Alz in the Daily Telegraph book that pointed to moderate to late stage. Took hsb to GP today to check if any underlying infections incl UTI but no infections diagnosed. I have been feeling unwell for the past week and have experienced more difficulty in caring as an ear infection in both ears has caused deafness. This afternoon, despite my reminding him that he had been told he should not drive he went out in the car. I lost my temper with him (normally a very calm person) he appeared to have forgotten what CPN had told him, which is understandable.
I felt like packing up and leaving as I feel so low and unable to cope. His keys are always in his pocket, have thought of taking the car key of the key ring tonight but know it would cause mayhem as he constantly checks his keys. However also have to consider other road users and pedestrians.
Also worried about the score of 9 and whether this is a sign that he is moving to the next stage. Any thoughts from you???
 

Chemmy

Registered User
Nov 7, 2011
7,591
Yorkshire
This seems to be the General Medical Council's guidelines to doctors. I have highlighted an important bit as it seems that some GPs are wrongly passing the buck

Taken from the DVLA site
• Notification to DVLA

It is the duty of the licence holder or licence applicant to notify DVLA of any medical condition, which may affect safe driving. On occasions however, there are circumstances in which the licence holder cannot, or will not do so.

The GMC has issued clear guidelines* applicable to such circumstances, which state:

“1. The driver is legally responsible for informing the DVLA about such a condition or treatment. However, if a patient has such a condition, you should explain to the patient:
(a) that the condition may affect their ability to drive (if the patient is incapable of understanding this advice, for example, because of dementia, you (ie the GP) should inform the DVLA immediately), and
(b) that they have a legal duty to inform the DVLA about the condition.

2. If a patient refuses to accept the diagnosis, or the effect of the condition on their ability to drive, you can suggest that they seek a second opinion, and help arrange for them to do so. You should advise the patient not to drive in the meantime.

3. If a patient continues to drive when they may not be fit to do so, you should make every reasonable effort to persuade them to stop. As long as the patient agrees, you may discuss your concerns with their relatives, friends or carers.

4. If you do not manage to persuade the patient to stop driving, or you discover that they are continuing to drive against your advice, you should contact the DVLA immediately and disclose any relevant medical information, in confidence, to the medical adviser.

5. Before contacting the DVLA you should try to inform the patient of your decision to disclose personal information. You should then also inform the patient in writing once you have done so.”

(*Reproduced with kind permission of the General Medical Council) -Full information on GMC guidelines can be viewed on www.gmc-uk.org
 

Countryboy

Registered User
Mar 17, 2005
1,458
Cornwall
Dvla

Hi also if the GP writes on your medical records that you have dementia or depression
it’s the licence holder duty to inform DVLA and their vehicle insurance company
provide the DVLA are informed most insurance companies won’t need any other information however if you fail to inform DVLA your vehicle is not covered by insurance, in effect you will be driving a vehicle without insurance.
 

SWMBO1950

Registered User
Nov 17, 2011
2,077
Essex
All wonderful information & suggestions but.................

.........he probably cannot see there is a problem and may just take the car out anyway - regardless!

The best course is - by fair or foul means - to remove the car from his 'care' permanently. :)

Good luck.