Hello all. New here--looking for advice please! My mum collapsed at home just before christmas. She has had many tests etc and all have come back fine and the doctors can find no reason for her fall, why she was unable to stand and spent the night on the floor. She was very confused, hallucinating and "difficult" but seemed physically fine. She has been diagnosed with depression in the past and I have been to the memory clinic with her about 2 years ago, where we were told that she did not have dementia but depression. Since then her depression has got very bad and her short term memory has almost gone. Since being in hospital I have asked them to test her mental capacity and I have now been told that she is early stage alzheimers. She is no longer hallucinating but her memory is much worse than before she collapsed and she just seems differnt, but its difficult to describe. As a family we are new to alzheimers but we are not new to adult social care. A few years ago I took on the care of a cousin with a learning disability after his mum died. It was ok at first but after about a year I was finding it harder to cope. I live about 40 miles from my cousin and found I was going in the middle of the night to sort something out, driving for nearly 2 hours there and back and getting up to go to work. And spending nearly all weekend there. I asked ss for help--they did an assessment and said that as a family we were coping fine and he was safe. He was fine--it was me that was going mad. He died 2 years ago and all I could feel was relief. I loved him and came to hate seeing him. And now I find myself in exactly the same position. The hospital have assumed that my brother and I will care for mum. They assume that we will visit, do her shopping, sort out her house (its not safe for her) and be at appointments etc when they say. I get phone calls each day asking if I have sorted the house and when I will pick her up. I have told them that I will not be her carer. I have explained to each of the 4 wards she has been on and to each of the 3 discharge planners that I will not care for her but for some reason they do not seem to think I mean it. I love my mum but I just cannot do it all over again. What should I do? I am feeling guilty because I do not want to look after her and the hospital keep saying "when you get mum home" and "when will you be taking her" and "she does not need to be here". I keep saying that if they think she is safe in her house and they feel she can take care of herself then they should just send her home. But then, on the day they say that I should pick her up because she is safe--and I say go ahead but i will not be there---they do not send her because they need to do another assessment. I feel that the hospital just want her out and are not listening to anything we say. Her first ward , when we told them she was confused said "no she's not". And now the discharge team are not making any sense and different people are telling us different things. Is this normal? Should I take over the care of my mum? If you have got to the bottom of this essay then many thanks--just needed to get it off my chest to people that have been there.