Don't know where to start.

[Elerim]

Hello all,
Since my Dad went into hospital mid Nov, my brother and I have been with my Mum (86). Together they were two halves who made one whole- mum physically fit, and dad mentally healthy. It's becoming obvious how much dad covered the cracks on her behalf.
Dad died a fortnight ago. Mum forgot this fact for days, and suffered the turmoil of loss every time the fact could not be avoided. By today, she has forgotten the funeral as been, and we are re-reading and counting sympathy cards for the nth time. It's lovely that she also revisits joy but it's so tiring.
Mam is, at times completely 'with us' then can't remember what happened five minutes ago. Where on earth do I go for help? Dad's Carers have been thankfully transferred into Mam's name temporarily, and Social Services have agreed to assess her for this to continue.
I feel lost because staying here every day and night to support her is not sustainable - got to be realistic.

Can anyone please share their experiences ? Guilt trip coupled with love is awful isn't it?

My thanks x

 

[nae sporran]

Hullo @Elerim and can I just offer condolences on the loss of your father.
Sadly my partner has gone through a similar grieving for her mother she forgets has died. It is so hard to see, and trying to be as supportive as possible is the only way until it passes.
The care assessment would be a good time to ask for as many visits as you can get. As well as personal care I also had carers coming in to my partner twice a week for befriending / companionship calls which gave me time to myself. I'm not sure if your mum would take to it, but make a list of how she is on bad days and what would help you most.
I hope that helps, but you'll find plenty of support and understanding advice here.

 

[Dippidoo]

Sorry to hear about your Dad. There is really good advise on this site, lovely people.
Now social services are involved with your Mom help should be at hand more quickly, and hopefully mom will settle better. There is always someone here to try and help you.
Hope things get better soon. Take care.

 

[Elerim]

Thank you both ❤️.
I've returned home for two nights, leaving brother in charge! Accused by Mam of lying to her etc. She can't help it but it hurts - as you all know. Tomorrow's another day, so hopefully onwards and upwards x