my mum has alzheimers/dementia she beeen living whith her partner for about 15 years he has now said that she is gettting worse /i spoked to him on the phone a few days ago i asked if she had been assess he said she saw the gp who refferd her to be assessed but she refuse to go this was months back .he then whent on to say he cant look after her and will have to put her in a home becase he can not take her on holidays any more .i spoke to her was a bit confused didnt know it was easter weekend but new who i was .my problum is this they gone away for 3 weeks he then whants me to look after her for a weekend to see how she gets on ? found this strange .but he wants me to meet them out the airport and take her to mine he says its only for a weekend but i feel he might just be trying to get rid of resposbilty i only have a onebed flat ground floor she has problums walking im not working and on pip he is going to call me a week before they come back from holiday but his adment its her last holiday and he is not looking after her .im worried this could relly upset her all so she might and probly wont whant to be here and he has not told her any think
dont know what to do
- Thread starter christopher 164
- Start date
Welcome to the forum and I am sorry that you have this problem.
As I read your post, I couldn’t help but wonder if he is planning his escape and not coming back.
I could be wrong as I have no idea of their financial situation but he doesn’t want to care for your mum and in getting on a plane to somewhere else. He doesn’t seem to be concerned how you are supposed to care for as you don’t even have a room for her.
I think you are going to need advice from someone closer to home so hopefully one of our locals will be along to give you some advice.
Whose house do they live in? Do they/he/she own it?
Its difficult if he really feels he cant- can you support him in finding a care home.
Do they have joint fiances do you know?
Maybe offer to go to their home fort that weekend- she'll be better in her own environment, as see how the land lies
Its difficult if he really feels he cant- can you support him in finding a care home.
Do they have joint fiances do you know?
Maybe offer to go to their home fort that weekend- she'll be better in her own environment, as see how the land lies
i think the same and think its cruel i have been thinking of putting to him that i move up to were they live in theys .they have the room move in as her carrer then his still got his fredom to go of abroad do what he likes she then in her suroundings but it will mean i would have to give up my flat and my cats but he might not except that idear wich i dont wont to do but will if i have to im so worried
his he owns it and house in spain not short of a few bob she only has her govment pension
Hello, what a difficult situation! how does your mum feel about this? does she want to go on holiday? does she want to come and stay with you? my mum has a dementia support worker is attached to her GP practice, they have been really helpful to us since her diagnosis does your mum have someone similar? maybe they could do a home visit if she doesn’t want to go for an assessment and give you all some advice about what to do next.
Hello @christopher 164
What a worry for you
The way I read your post it sounds like your mum does not have a diagnosis of dementia because she refuses to go for assessment. Is this right?
It is actually very hard to care for someone with dementia and it sounds to me like her partner has got to the end of his tether and is no longer coping. You mentioned a care home in passing, but I wasnt sure whether her partner wants this or not and whether you agree that she needs one too? If you/he are thinking of a care home then, as she does not have any savings and only has her pension, then you will be looking at Local Authority help with funding and she will need an assessment by Social Services to get this. Does anyone have POA for her?
It may be that her partner just wants a break to get his head back together (and I can understand that - I regularly need a break from OH) and he is only thinking of a weekend, but on the other hand, he may indeed not want to continue caring and be thinking of it as a way to get her out of his house.
If you do end up with her in your home then I think you will need to contact SS as a matter of urgency and tell them that she is effectively homeless and, as you only have a one bedroom flat, this arrangement cannot continue
What a worry for you
The way I read your post it sounds like your mum does not have a diagnosis of dementia because she refuses to go for assessment. Is this right?
It is actually very hard to care for someone with dementia and it sounds to me like her partner has got to the end of his tether and is no longer coping. You mentioned a care home in passing, but I wasnt sure whether her partner wants this or not and whether you agree that she needs one too? If you/he are thinking of a care home then, as she does not have any savings and only has her pension, then you will be looking at Local Authority help with funding and she will need an assessment by Social Services to get this. Does anyone have POA for her?
It may be that her partner just wants a break to get his head back together (and I can understand that - I regularly need a break from OH) and he is only thinking of a weekend, but on the other hand, he may indeed not want to continue caring and be thinking of it as a way to get her out of his house.
If you do end up with her in your home then I think you will need to contact SS as a matter of urgency and tell them that she is effectively homeless and, as you only have a one bedroom flat, this arrangement cannot continue
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