Don’t know where to turn

[Turner87]

My father was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s in 2014, he had been pretty stable until these last couple of months. Two weeks ago I went to his house to do his cleaning and let myself in like I normally would. He came at me shouting ‘**** off **** off who are you?!?!’ My dad never swears so I was very shocked and upset and left the house. My husband went in to. See if he could calm him down and he got kicked and had his glasses broken by my dad.

He has really taken a turn for the worse and is refusing to see me or talk to me. When I have been round since he’s been yelling at me that I did something illegal so he doesn’t want to know me anymore.

In this time the vultures have started circling and my cousin has appointed herself as his carer. She changed the locks on his house so I can’t get in anymore. I keep trying to go round there but they are verbally abusive to me telling me I need to leave my dad alone that he doesn’t want to see me.

I spoke to his GP who insists he needs an urgent medical assessment. I sent an ambulance round there in the hope he would get checked over but he turned them away and refused care. I have tried speaking to social services but they aren’t doing anything. It’s all very overwhelming and I don’t know where to turn. I just want to make sure my dad isn’t really unwell (water infection possibly?) and that they aren’t robbing him blind. Any advice would be really welcome.

 

[nae sporran]

Welcome to TP, Turner87. I'm sorry your dad's condition and family problems have got so bad so quickly. Can I suggest in the absence of personal experience that you really need professional advice on this and the Dementia Helpline is always a good place to start. https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/national-dementia-helpline will give you the number and opening times.

 

[Izzy]

Good morning @Turner87 and welcome to TP.

Your situation sounds really difficult. Like @nae sporran I think it would be good for you to call the Helpline. The phone number is

0300 222 11 22

You can see from below that they are open from 9am to 8pm today.

Helpline opening hours:

Monday to Wednesday 9am – 8pm

Thursday and Friday 9am – 5pm

Saturday and Sunday 10am – 4pm

 

[Shedrech]

hello @Turner87
a warm welcome to TP
definitely have a chat with one of the advisors on the Helpline
not an easy situation for you .... maybe the cousin thinks she's helping but clearly doesn't understand the issues that can arise when dementia is at play
I wonder whether your father would agree to see his GP - maybe suggest to the GP that they send a letter inviting your father in for a 'well man' or age related check up, nothing to do with Alzheimer's
did you report the attack on your husband to the police? - it feels like an OTT thing to do, but may well be useful at a later date as evidence that your father needs more support
I hope you have LPAs in place, so that you have the legal standing to step in if necessary
do you think the cousin might respond sensibly if you wrote them a note saying that the behaviour your father is displaying is not uncommon and especially if an infrction eg UTI is present, so your father needs to be checked over or at least a urine sample tested
it may be that if you stay away from him for a while, whatever started all this may fade from your father's memory - hopefully you can keep a watch over him from a distance