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Doesn’t want to get up.

JC51

Registered User
Jan 5, 2021
112
0
Hi all, my wife who has mixed dementia Alzheimer’s and Lewy body, has started not wanting to get up out of bed. I’m also having a bit of bother coaxing her to have a wash, which I do as she puts water in the sink then forgets. Any ideas, or similar experiences ?
 

Bunpoots

Volunteer Host
Apr 1, 2016
5,330
0
Nottinghamshire
Hi @JC51 and welcome to DTP

I remember when my dad didn't want to get up or get washed, it's a difficult thing to deal with. I found that repeating instructions in exactly the same way (as if it's the first time every time) helped as then dad didn't get cross with me.
Eventually I got some lovely carers to come in to help dad get up, washed and dressed as I found it too stressful to do by myself.
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
10,088
0
Yorkshire
hi @JC51
a warm welcome to DTP
maybe check how warm the bedroom and bathroom are ... I found that dad needed to be much warmer than I did

your wife may have lost the process of washing ... you might show her each stage, having everything you need previously placed within easy reach, and talk her through with short, individual instructions and lots of praise .... dad also needed to be sitting as his strength and balance were affected .... and I kept him well covered with a big towel so he kept warm as he felt every draught
 

Jessbow

Registered User
Mar 1, 2013
3,485
0
West Hertfordshire
Can yo perhaps start the day more slowly? Cupof tea in bed, then , when she has come to a bit, get up, breakfast in her dressing gown, THEN think about a wash & dressing?

Or does that not work either?
 

Canadian Joanne

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 8, 2005
16,932
0
67
Toronto, Canada
My mother started staying in bed longer and longer at one point. She was already in care so I simply told the staff to let her stay in bed longer, while making sure she was drinking enough fluids. Would your wife agree to a sponge bath in bed, perhaps done in stages?
 

Lemondrizzle

Registered User
Aug 26, 2018
162
0
My MIL's carers told me at a review meeting that she was showing reluctance to get out of bed and that we should be prepared for the fact that one day she might refuse and then never get up again. It is apparently one of the phases of the illness and perhaps the only one I hadn't take on board before then. Fortunately it didn't come to that in the end but there were times she was given breakfast and lunch in bed although she was always up, but not always dressed, when the carers arrived to give her dinner.
 

JC51

Registered User
Jan 5, 2021
112
0
Thank you all for the hints and tips. I do take things slowly with her, as I've found out rushing just causes upset. It's like she has forgotten how to do things like washing and dressing, among others. Sometimes she will get dressed but hasn't washed, or has put water in the sink and just left it. I do make sure she is clean, and thankfully so far hasn't made a fuss about me washing her. The GP had her blood checked last week, to make sure there were no infections, all came back normal. The Dementia care team are going to arrange a visit this week, so more info and help on the way.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
14,918
0
South coast
My OH is forgetting how to wash and dress and I now have carers come in to help him.
It is a godsend. OH wasnt keen to start with, but it was organised by our son when I reached carers breakdown and he didnt give his dad any choice. We have had carers for about a year now and OH has decided that he likes them and talks to them far more than he does to me.

I like having them in too. Does it sound too sad to say that they are the highlight of the day? It is so good to have a normal conversation and interact with someone other than OH. It also gives me a bit of time to myself and to do things that take a bit of concentration
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
72,967
0
Kent
I also had carers in for help with washing and bathing

Before it got to that stage, during the day I used to hand my husband a face cloth soaked in hot water and wrung out, saying wipe your face and hands, you will feel fresher and he was happy to. This was during the time everything he had touched felt sticky.
 

Wishing20

Registered User
Feb 27, 2020
56
0
Hi all, my wife who has mixed dementia Alzheimer’s and Lewy body, has started not wanting to get up out of bed. I’m also having a bit of bother coaxing her to have a wash, which I do as she puts water in the sink then forgets. Any ideas, or similar experiences ?
Hello there. My Father was diagnosed with Vascular Dementia 5 months ago, its fast acting and one of the most notable issues is how long he sleeps in for in the morning. I ring him each morning as we have Carers going in a couple of days around 11.00 to ensure he has breakfast and medication, but on the days when they don’t go round, it can literally sleep in till 1.00pm!
 

Wishing20

Registered User
Feb 27, 2020
56
0
Thank you all for the hints and tips. I do take things slowly with her, as I've found out rushing just causes upset. It's like she has forgotten how to do things like washing and dressing, among others. Sometimes she will get dressed but hasn't washed, or has put water in the sink and just left it. I do make sure she is clean, and thankfully so far hasn't made a fuss about me washing her. The GP had her blood checked last week, to make sure there were no infections, all came back normal. The Dementia care team are going to arrange a visit this week, so more info and help on the way.
I note you have a Dementia Care Team, is that via Social Services? Its something we don’t have in my area.
 

JC51

Registered User
Jan 5, 2021
112
0
I note you have a Dementia Care Team, is that via Social Services? Its something we don’t have in my area.
They were arranged for me by the Memory Clinic, I'm not sure if it's Social Services, they are ringing today so will find out later.
 

Wishing20

Registered User
Feb 27, 2020
56
0
They were arranged for me by the Memory Clinic, I'm not sure if it's Social Services, they are ringing today so will find out later.
Its interesting to hear what other people experience. Our Memory Clinic assessed my Dad and then dismissed us. They did say they would ask one of the Care charities to call, but nothing happened. My Mum has Alzheimer’s so I have already experienced this lack of support and understand I just have to make things happen myself. I found a very good Home Care support company and they assist with looking after Dad.
 

JC51

Registered User
Jan 5, 2021
112
0
I spoke to the lady who was from Dementia specialist care, they do have someone from Social Services who works with them. They are going to try and arrange for a " sitter"to come maybe once a week for a couple of hours, so I can go for a walk or just have a break. Our memory clinic is still doing appointments for us, albeit by phone at the moment, and I can ring them any time. Why don't they all work to the same rules no matter where in the UK you are?
 

JC51

Registered User
Jan 5, 2021
112
0
I cope with everything this horrible terminal disease is doing to my wife, but one thing that brings a lump in my throat is when she asks, “ who are you “ and “what is your name “. She said it earlier after I’d come downstairs after making sure she was ok in bed. She’d got up and was stood on the landing, as soon as I told her my name and I am your husband, she went back to bed. I’m hoping she will sleep all night, as she has been getting up and starting to put a coat on thinking it’s morning.