1. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    Do you ever feel like an emotional storm is erupting in side of you ?I am so glad that it’s the 3 week on ani depression tablets are controlling those emotion , because I am such an emotional person , that I would of cried my eyes out and scared my mother and daughter as I would of hug my mother for dear life and how could I have said to her . I was right all along you don’t have a urine infection as the day center thought you had because your urine was smelly, it the AZ its really happening its really true , you have drop its coming, medication is slowing down , but lady from day center said that they still let mum go to day center they to have seen the change in mum , as I got of the phone I felt that feeling in my chest of pain , but I look back in the past year and think of all the happy time mum has had at day center how they have help me so much in motivating mum and still I don’t know for how long in the future she can keep still going to day center am not going to think of that and think of Norman advice really take one day at the time with mum .

    I can’t take mum medication away for AZ and see her drop, she have to go in a home to do that and I am not ready for that , I’ve just moved I moved for my mother . I want happy memories of summer with my mother in this house and my mum still talk to me not about the past now. I have to talk to her really, she not that bad yet m glad I took . yes I am glad I took the ati depression , because it seem to be unblocking emotional memories that I did not like when my father died . I was in grief and I could not face those memories and its feel good to look back on those memories with out crying and to help me with this wried liveing grife I am now haveing
     
  2. Kathleen

    Kathleen Registered User

    Mar 12, 2005
    639
    West Sussex
    Yes Margarita I have that feeling too, if I start to cry I can't stop, but I do feel better for a little while after.

    It is a living grief, I lost my Dad too, but have never properly worked through that grief, I switched to looking out for Mum as he did for their 54 years together.

    Look after yourself

    Kathleen
     
  3. Tender Face

    Tender Face Account Closed

    Mar 14, 2006
    5,379
    NW England
    Maggie, the thunder is always rumbling away somewhere ....and every now and again the lightning lets rip .....

    I've been trying to make sense of why I finally started to grieve for my dad only when I heard my mother's diagnosis ... (can so relate to your circumstances there, Kathleen)

    The selfish bit of me says it's because I need him right now ..... another bit says that he still lives on in mum - so to lose her means to finally lose the last connection to him ...... still selfish .... :eek:

    Maggie, be kind to yourself - being depressed and needing to cry are very different things .....

    Big hugs, Love, Karen, x
     
  4. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,659
    Kent
    Dear Margarita,

    It`s long term grief you`ve been experiencing. Grief for your father, grief for your mother and grief for yourself. This has been an on-going situation for years. Is it surprising that every now and then, it just gets too much to cope with.

    Moving house is considered one of the most traumatic experiences next to death and divorce. You move house, you are happy and excited, even though it`s a lot of hard work. Then there is an anti-climax because you realize you still have the same worries, but in a different location.

    Try to spend a little time on yourself. All I read is how you care for your mother, and your brother and do so much for your children. You are being left out of the caring.

    If the grief for your father is now coming to the surface, however painful, it may be for the best.

    Take care Maggie. With love
     
  5. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Dear Maggie, Kathleen and Karen

    How my heart bleeds for you all. Not a cliché, I recognise your agony. I went through a similar agonising period in my forties, and I came through it.

    There is a saying that what doesn't break you makes you stronger. And girls, you'll be strong because you've got us to support you. Wish I'd had something similar!

    I can't take away your pain, but please lean on us. We want to help.

    Love and hugs,
     
  6. cris

    cris Registered User

    Aug 23, 2006
    326
    Chelmsford
    Maggie I'm reading your emotions you're letting pour out. I think everyone is reading and thinking what a wonderful caring lady you are.
    cris
     
  7. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    I thought the medication would stop the need to cry, I always chock my tear lately and I am finding it blood hard to keep it all in :rolleyes: more fool me for thinking that .


    Thank-you for all your support, I always find it amazing that you can all relate to how I am feeling. That happen to me also Kathleen , how my mother could of loved my father so much that when he died in that same year , my mother was lost also to AZ , she did not care anymore about life , my mother life was my father and yes I could be selfish in wishing that my love for her could of made her want to live , why did she not realize it, why do some parents think that a child love is not as good enough, when a father dies. I suppose if like my mother over 50 years together, she never done anything alone with out my father she became so needy on him, she must have got her self esteem from my father a man and could not relate to herself without my father around. I better stop thinking about it, yes and look after myself now . xx to all
     
  8. dmc

    dmc Registered User

    Mar 13, 2006
    1,157
    hi margarita

    just wanted to send you a hug
    take care of yourself
    love donna xxx
     

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  9. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Maggie, love, I'd like to try to explain, but I don't want to upset you more. Forgive me if I get it wrong.

    Your mum did not get AD because your dad died. It was aleady part of her, although her depression may have made it seem so much worse.

    And please, it's not that a child's love is not enough, it's just that it's different.

    Your mum and dad had been together for so long, they had so much experience together, including the birth and upbringing of you and your brother. They were two halves of a whole, and when one half is lost, the other half finds it difficult to survive alone.

    That's not to say your mum does not love and need you. She does, and your love and support are vital to her. But you can never be that missing half.

    Also, it is normal for the mother to care for her children. That is the way we are programmed. So for your mother now to be dependent on you feels wrong. She loves you, and she knows she needs you, but it doesn't feel right. That is why she sometimes rebels.

    Please don't feel that your mum doesn't appreciate what you are doing for her. She does, and she loves you. Just keep on caring, give your mum lots of hugs, and stay strong. We're all here to support you.

    Love,
     
  10. mel

    mel Registered User

    Apr 30, 2006
    1,656
    Sheffield
    Hi Maggie
    I was so sad to read your thread.......I really want to come down there and give you a great big hug!!
    As Hazel says we're all here for you.....we know how much you're hurting.
    You are a fantastic daughter and your mum loves you very much....
    I had this idea ,after dad died, that to have mum live with us, being surrounded by family who love her , was the right thing to do.......but i understand that it wasn't enough ....to lose your husband and companion is very hard.....I wonder if dementia makes it harder...added confusion....not being able to understand.
    take strength in the fact you are doing all you can for mum.....your dad would be so proud of you.
    Don't hold the tears back Maggie....let them fall......
    I think you feel very frightened too just now......don't........just take each day as it comes.......
    You will get through it Maggie.....I promise
    love Wendy xx
     
  11. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    Your so right I know Hazel , what a lovely way to put it , thank-you This song ,
    http://www.lyricsondemand.com/l/luthervandrosslyrics/dancewithmyfatherlyrics.html, you just reminded me of it Hazel . I heard it on the radio late last year , sound like the words where written for what I was thinking back then , that I brought the CD, now that bring tears to my eyes , how I wish I could of done that for mum , but I know I can’t so sadly it only happen in death .

    Thanks Donna , wendy
     
  12. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Maggie, those words are beautiful. I don't know the song, so I can't 'hear' it, but I can understand why it means so much to you.

    Sleep tight, love, and talk to us again tomorrow.

    Love,
     
  13. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    Shall see if I can find it to listen to :) thanks



    Thought I would post a positive post today because its been a good day today , my brother came around. I left him with mum , thought sod it , I went to my friends and did window shopping and got myself some Burrerry London Eau De parfum Natural spray. Well when I got back my brother must of brought memories back to mum, in when they use to go shopping together for video and mum wanted the film The 3 Man. this film when my mother was per AZ, mum use to watch it 24/7 and I mean 24/7 back then I would could not understand why she done that, well amazingly when my brother went out to get it on CD, mum watch it, will she did nap now them, she keep saying she like it because of the music.

    My daughter and I where worried that she want to watch it like she did before , but no she was OK she let my brother take it for 5 days as long as he bring it back because she wants to lend it to a helper she like at day center .
     
  14. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Hi Maggie

    Glad you've had a good day, and are feeling positive. Your mum seems to have enjoyed it too. Well done, all.

    Love,
     
  15. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    Thanks xx...........
     
  16. cris

    cris Registered User

    Aug 23, 2006
    326
    Chelmsford
    Very well expressed Hazel, and we are thinking of you Maggie.
    cris
     

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