Do we tell mam about dad?

[vickz1969]

Hi, I'm Vicki, I am eldest of 5 siblings, live away from home area.
Dad has just been given up to 2 weeks to live due to heart failure. He has parkinsonism and dementia.
Mam lives in same home as him but separate. She is on ground floor, him first floor.
They spend 80% of time together.
She has vascular dementia and Alzheimers. Both quite young really 75/77.
Question is: do we tell her his diagnosis/ outcome or let it play through? Family is divided.
If we do tell her, should it be the doctor/nurse or a family member.?
Going on Sunday (it's a 3 hour drive away)
Any advise is welcome x

 

[SeaSwallow]

Hello @vickz1969 and welcome to the Dementia Support Forum. I am so sorry to read about your dad, this must be so hard for you especially as your mum also has dementia.
If your mum would be able to retain the information that your dad only has two weeks to live I would suggest that you do tell her otherwise it will come as such a shock when he does pass away. It would also be best if it was a family member who told her if they felt able to do so.

However if she would not be able to retain the information it might be better not to say anything and deal with the issue after your dad has passed. Again depending on her memory, she might not be able to remember his passing, this was an issue the I had when my mum passed away. Dad kept forgetting and looking for mum. In the end we stopped telling dad that she had passed as it upset him and just said something like, she was out shopping or was having a rest etc., and this was enough to comfort him.

 

[Missodell18]

Hi @vickz1969

I don’t have anything useful to add I’m afraid but I just wanted to say I’m so sorry about your mum and dad and the situation you’re having to go through. I hope you’re okay and wish you lots of strength and peace

 

[Izzy]

Welcome to the forum @vickz1969, although I’m sorry you are in such sad circumstances.

@SeaSwallow has given you good advice. I just wanted to wish you strength and your dad peace.

 

[Lawson58]

I am so sorry to hear of your situation and can sympathise with you has my husband has heart failure too.

My thought was that you have have been told that your Dad has only two weeks to live but he might surprise you and hang on for a bit longer. I think until it actually happens, I would not talk to your mum about it.

She may not remember and then you have to go through the telling again, none of which would be easy on any of you. I wish you strength for the days that lie ahead.