Do mum and dad need to go in a home?

[bluejag69]

Hi, well dad has done the ultimate and cut all the wires to the telly, video, sky box etc, sky box was in the garden waste bin. When confronted by my brother he just said, its gone, finished. He also cut the microwave wire whilst plugged in and shorted the elecy.

I can understand to a certain degree about the telly, he couldnt get it to work so he thought he'd destroy it! This seems to be what he does, if somethin doesn't work or needs batteries he destroys it and throws it away. Not sure why the microwave.

We have since removed any scissors ir sharp knives. We can't even put then somewhere for mum cos she has alzheimers too so won't remember where they are. Dad is going round the house throwing everything away. There will be nothing left.

We think he's a danger to himself and mum. But what do we do? Is it time for a care home? But how easy is it to get them somewhere together? We couldnt split them up.

Where do we start? Who do we speak to?

Can anyone give any advice please?

J x

 

[Katrine]

So sorry to hear this. You must be so worried. If you believe your Dad is a danger to himself and your mum then he may need an urgent psychiatric assessment. There are special psychiatric social workers who assess people in mental health crisis, assisting the duty doctor. Even if you think it can wait until morning to take action I would ring the out of hours social work team now for advice and referral to daytime services. For a medical response you can ring either 111 or, if it's an emergency do not hesitate to ring 999.

This is a NHS webpage for carers about emergency mental health care: http://www.nhs.uk/CarersDirect/guide/mental-health/Pages/emergency-mental-healthcare.aspx

 

[bluejag69]

Hi katrine, thanks so much for replying. I don't mean he'd hurt mum, its more the fact that he's cutting through elecy cables and not lighting the gas fire properly.

The only good thing is there is a carer in the morning and to give him his tabs in the night so they will check the fire.

Just don't know what to do for the best. If he's in a home maybe he'll have more stimulation than at home so take his mind off this destruction. He used to just sit and watch telly but he refuses to wear hearing aids so he can't hear that. We have got him a freeview telly which just comes on , when he remembers to switch it on at the wall.

Jx

 

[Chemmy]

Hello bluejag

Two people, both with dementia, looking after each other rings alarm bells with me, I'm afraid.

It's hard enough for a family member to deal with behaviour like your dad's - how bewildering must it be for your poor mother?

Allowing him some independence to live his own life as he sees fit for as long as possible is one thing, but it shouldn't be to the detriment of your mother's quality of life too.

I don't believe it's ever too soon to start looking at supervised care options as at least you are one step ahead of the game should a crisis situation arise. If they are self-funding, you can start straight away by looking round local care homes. I just turned up without an appointment (not at mealtimes though) and the way I was welcomed spoke volumes.

 

[memaggie2]

how worrying this situation must be for you , do you have a social worker involved already ?. certainly get in touch with your local mental heath services for support by a CPN. You certainly need a care review and someone to discuss these problems with.

At some point it is likely that your parents will need care but it may not be yet , your poor mums reaction to your dads behaviour is an important factor and their individual needs would need to be assessed.

If your dad needs an emergency admission it will depend on your mums needs as to whether she would also need a place of safety .

i hope you can get the support you need to deal with your unhappy situation

 

[sistermillicent]

I agree with Katrine, you need to get emergency help for your parents right now. One of the awful things about dementia is how unpredictable it can be, my mum set light to a newspaper in the living room one day, just for no reason at all, and she had never tried to do it before.

So if you haven't already I would contact your GP and get an emergency visit, you may have to be very firm about this and say that you think they are seriously at risk. You could also contact the memory clinic if your parents go to one. If they have a social worker you should ring them, and if the SW is not there you should speak to the duty worker as a matter of urgency. Again you may have to be quite firm.

The other thing you can do is call your local Alzheimers Society, I did this at one stage when my parents lives were so dreadful we didn't know what to do, and they were so very helpful and it was so good to talk to someone who knew what to do.

I hope you get things sorted out.

 

[bluejag69]

I am speaking to their gp on thurs so I'll see what she says.

Mum has taken to swearing cos dads getting in her nerves. When he's upto no good she doesn't take any notice and let's him get on with it. Which is the best thing to do, you can't confront him he gets so angry, its scary.
Mums the opposite, shes just away with the fairies somtimes, which may be a good place to be.

I agree we needti start looking for care homes but how do you know which ones you can look at? I don't know if he'll get any funding or not? Obviously they are both goin to need a home at some point , they aren't goin to get any better.

My head is goin to explode!

Jx