Hi I’m Veronica. My dad was diagnosed with early onset dementia 3 years ago at the age of 60 and the past year it’s seemed to rapidly progress. Because of my dad’s age, it has been hard for my family to accept his diagnosis. I live in a different city than my dad who lives with my stepmum. She is doing the best she can but is still in denial of his condition. I feel like I’m a broken record trying to advocate for his care. I fear encouraging him and stepmum to move into an independent living facility together would not go well because of how young they are, but it’s clear that his current care or lack there of isn’t working. I’m debating figuring out if they should move in with me and my family. I have a husband and a 3 yo daughter. I think being around family would be nice for him and we’d maybe get a couple good years together. I know it’d be a lot of work but I feel like I’m having to worry and do so much already, maybe having him closer will make certain things easier. But I’ve also been reading that they’ll most likely end up in a care facility and the less moves the better. They just recently moved and downsized because he wasn’t doing well there and we’re still dealing with his struggle with that move. I also have a career that forces me to travel for long periods of time, so I know that at a certain point I wouldn’t be able to be the full time caregiver and would have to hire someone to come help which I’ve heard is very expensive. I want to do what’s best for my dad and help give him the best quality of life possible. I feel like I’d be more confident if he was in his 70s or 80s but his young age is really complicating things. He’s aware of his condition and is very opinionated and hides what’s going on well, but it’s clear that the disease is progressing and he needs daily care. I just feel so lost. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. 🙏🏽
Do I move my dad in with me? Dad only 63 has early on set dementia/Alzheimer’s
- Thread starter Dadhasdementia4736
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No, don't do it. You have a very full life already and it wouldn't be fair on your young child. Your Dad's dementia would dominate the household and there would be no escape from it. From what you have said about your stepmother I fear that there would be clashes with her. And I definitely don't think that you should give up your career at your young age.
Perhaps you should take a step back from the situation for a while. Your Dad has a wife and so he's not in danger and has someone to look after him. As he deteriorates the family will have to accept the diagnosis.
Perhaps you should take a step back from the situation for a while. Your Dad has a wife and so he's not in danger and has someone to look after him. As he deteriorates the family will have to accept the diagnosis.
Hello Veronica and welcome to Talking Point. I am so sorry to read about your dad, he is so young to be diagnosed and it must be difficult for you all. I am assuming from the way that you refer to a care facility and care givers that you are based in the USA, so I am going to attach a link to the Alzheimer's Association in the US who would be able to advice you on what care is available there.
As far as having your dad to come to live with you I would have to agree with the advice which has already been given to you by @Violet Jane . Young children and dementia just do not mix, as hard as it may be your first priority must be to your husband, child and your career but I know that this may be hard to accept.
www.alz.org
As far as having your dad to come to live with you I would have to agree with the advice which has already been given to you by @Violet Jane . Young children and dementia just do not mix, as hard as it may be your first priority must be to your husband, child and your career but I know that this may be hard to accept.
Home | Alzheimer's Association
Alzheimer's Association national site – information on Alzheimer's disease and dementia symptoms, diagnosis, stages, treatment, care and support resources.
Hello Veronica. I’m sorry to hear about your dad.
May I just reiterate what has been said so far.
At the moment you might think that, because you are doing so much of the work already it would be easier to move Dad in with you.
I don’t believe that there can be anyone on this page who would think it a good idea.
Just remember, At least you get to go home at night. If he were with you there would be no respite.
May I just reiterate what has been said so far.
At the moment you might think that, because you are doing so much of the work already it would be easier to move Dad in with you.
I don’t believe that there can be anyone on this page who would think it a good idea.
Just remember, At least you get to go home at night. If he were with you there would be no respite.
I totally agree with what has been said above. The short answer from me is no do not move your dad in with you. You have been given very good reasons from @SeaSwallow , @Violet Jane and @CAL Y and there are plenty more for not doing this. Let your dad and step mum manage for a while ( on that note, if she were to get ill for any reason, would you care for her too? !) The time will come when she has come to terms with this and she may well ask you to help her find some support via carers. We all want to jump in and solve this dreadful illness, find a way to cope, care for our loved ones, feel guilty and hopeless as we try to find ways through but you have a lot to manage with your own family right now and your daughter deserves your time and attention.
For now the best help you can give is to support Step-mum, he and her have decided to share their lives.
By all means research the best way forward, but allow them the to make the choices.
Looking at Power of Attorney, and Will making should be done as soon as possible, as both will make life much easier later on.
Bod
By all means research the best way forward, but allow them the to make the choices.
Looking at Power of Attorney, and Will making should be done as soon as possible, as both will make life much easier later on.
Bod
We moved my mum, who is 85 and has dementia, and my dad, who is 95 and is deaf, in with us nearly a year ago. I really wish we had persevered with them in their own home because this is so hard. I feel like I can't get away from them now. I have to hide away in my own home or leave the house to get space. So, whilst it may be difficult for you at the minute, I think moving them in with you would be so much harder for you.
Don't even think about it. Please. Life may seem difficult at the moment - and it is - but moving them in with you and your family will not solve the problem and in the long run will make it much much worse. If nothing else, your three year old should not be put at risk. You don't know - no-one does - exactly how the dementia will affect your father over time, but there are many things that could happen, that you would not want your daughter to get caught up in or witness. It is not wrong for you to prioritise the needs of your child and your husband. This doesn't stop you from helping your father and stepmother as and when you can, but having them to live with you is asking way too much of anyone.
Welcome from me too @Dadhasdementia4736
I agree with the others that moving your dad in would not be fair on anyone, most of all your little girl.
Perhaps, as a compromise, you could have them stay with you for a few days occasionally to give them a break. This worked for us in the early days with my dad but I have to admit I was always ready for him to go back home!
I agree with the others that moving your dad in would not be fair on anyone, most of all your little girl.
Perhaps, as a compromise, you could have them stay with you for a few days occasionally to give them a break. This worked for us in the early days with my dad but I have to admit I was always ready for him to go back home!
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